Does a relapse erase your porn addiction recovery progress?

Unfortunately, despite people’s best intentions, relapses and slip-ups are very common in porn addiction recovery. That makes sense since the definition of porn addiction includes “an inability to control porn use, despite negative consequences of continued use.” While some people can go cold-turkey on their porn use relatively quickly, others who struggle with addiction often end up slipping up many times before finally achieving sustainable results. So, does a relapse erase all of your recovery progress? The short answer is “nope” – and we’ll explain why below.

Not all setbacks are the same.

The word “relapse” is often overused in the porn addiction recovery community. Relapses are more serious than slip-ups. The main difference is that a relapse is an intentional abandonment of your recovery plan. On the other hand, slip-ups could include short bouts of porn use, inadvertent porn use, or not reaching other recovery goals. For more about the differences between slip-ups and relapses, check out our article on “What is a ‘relapse’ for a recovering porn addict?

Keep in mind that if you do experience a setback in your recovery, it could always get worse. Experiencing a slip-up isn’t a free pass to binge on porn videos all day. Every time that you go back to problem porn use, you’re further “wiring” your brain to pixels instead of a partner. An analogy that often floats around the recovery community is that a slip-up is like picking at a scab, but a full-blown binge session is like ripping the scab off.

The key is to keep on moving forward.

No matter how bad your relapse was, every relapse is also an opportunity. “Every setback is a setup for a comeback.” Instead of getting too upset about it, try your best to learn from what happened. Consider journaling about what led up to the relapse so that you can prevent the same relapse from happening again in the future. Thomas Edison was famously quoted as saying “I have not failed 700 times. I have not failed once. I have succeeded in proving that those 700 ways will not work. When I have eliminated the ways that will not work, I will find the way that will work.”

Consider focusing on the positives. You can’t accurately base your entire perception of your recovery on a “day counter.” Saying that you are on “day zero” after reaching 50-days porn-free can be unnecessarily harsh. If you went from using porn for many hours every day – but are now using porn a couple of days per week – that’s progress, even if you aren’t yet reaching your long-term sexual health goals. Many porn addicts start to experience significant improvements with their porn-associated negative effects through a reduction of porn use.

If you experience a slip-up, try not to slip-up the same way twice. For example, if you slipped up because you were tired, use it as a herald to prioritize more sleep and self-care. Properly addressing your core needs and desires in life is often an important component of recovery. If you could use some additional support after a relapse or have personal questions, you might want to consider seeking out the services of a porn addiction therapist in your area. NoFap® also offers peer-to-peer support on our forum and weekly accountability group calls.

We aren’t going to sugarcoat it. While they’re very common, slip-ups aren’t beneficial for recovery. But you certainly don’t lose all of your progress. Even if you temporarily give up on recovery, you have gained valuable life experiences that you could use to enhance your recovery in the future should you decide to pursue it again. If you are aware that you have a problem and are taking steps to try to address it, you’re on the right path.

A common theme I see in a lot of posts here is the tendency to, after a relapse, go on a binge for the next couple of days. The mentality that if you’ve already failed you might as well take advantage of it to the fullest. In doing this I think what a lot of us fail to realize is that, even though we’ve relapsed, it doesn’t mean that all our effort during the past days or weeks were in vain. Our brain is very plastic and has a remarkable ability to quickly change itself. Even if you haven’t gone the full 90 days, you’ve still given your brain a lot of time to rewire itself. One relapse does not completely reverse that. I know that some of you out there have some serious issues with PMO addiction and can’t possibly go more than a couple of days without relapsing, but remember that even if you manage to go only 3 or 4 days without it, it’s still a huge improvement over doing it once or several times a day. For every day and every hour you abstain, you’re giving your brain precious time to heal… See it not as a failure but as an opportunity to learn and challenge yourself further. See it as a chance to come back stronger and wiser than before. Remember, we all fail. It’s our ability to pick ourselves up and continue going that in the end determines our success.

A NoFap® User

68 thoughts on “Does a relapse erase your porn addiction recovery progress?”

  1. It’s like you knew exactly what happened to me! I had a shitty day and I used it as an excuse to fall back on habits I’ve given up for several weeks. The amazing thing is as I watched porn I thought to myself “I’m not even attracted to this shit anymore, it’s just a habit”. So I’ll try to remember that when I try to give myself an excuse in the future. Keep fighting the good fight, and thanks for the article!

  2. i have been using a method to transmute sexual energy-this has the effect of reducing the pressure towards sexual release and the transmuted sexual energy -from hydrogen 24 to hydrogen 12-feeds the astral body-has anyone else tried this

  3. I saw an actress and was determined to go against my own desire to abstain and watched a 20 minute video.

    I am so numb at this point that I don’t even cry anymore. I truly have given up. But after reading this article I am determined to find that 832nd way to succeed in my life.

  4. Thank you new to this relapse a few , did tonite going to hardwire positive ness and not give up, slips usally mean hell with it

  5. Yes, this is true. I learned about AVE- abstinence violation effect, or what the heck I’ve looked a little I might as well go the whole hog.
    I prefer to think I’m 2 weeks PMO free than it was less than 12 hours since I relapsed and looked at the P part.

  6. Personally, i think reading these articles more and more often kinda helps me to stay on a right path, as it so happens sometimes i tend to lose touch on what i am supposed to do to better my life . Since we as human tend to forget a lot on what is best for us. It is our nature,. A very helpful post.

  7. It’s difficult stopping masturbation.I get erections in the morning,it’s controlling me.I’m not thinking about porn or watching it.it’s hard.

  8. thank you for this my friend, just what I needed after being pretty down after a bunch of actual “slip-ups” right before 100days for the first time ever, unbelievable 🙂

  9. Yeah you’re right. If we relapse or slip-up , we enjoy it as fullest coz emotions at that time has more strength than brain. Loneliness is major cause of relapse (in my case). After finishing I’ve enough free time & I’m having nothing to perform that why slip-up happens.

  10. yah,dude how do you deal with it mostly i see naked women in my mind then i have a hard erection for few minutes and today it made watch porn and masterbate

  11. I agree with the post Edison quote saying tried 700 ways, in fact the little battles are often the most successful. I learnt best from someone outside using porn community, a farmer who said he hated to lie in bed in the morning, I am sure he was talking about morning erections and the temptations . It is difficult learning from others in the same boat, but most people who aren’t addicted don’t appear to care about much more than their immediate family values and children. It takes considerable guts to take self-responsibility. Start feeling guilty and less ashamed. You have no need to feel ashamed for your body and urges after sleep and being guilty of lying in bed is nothing to feel shame for but you do feel shame if you fail to follow through with plans. Be less hard on yourself and you will have your battles won. Good luck!

  12. The part where the OP said,”I already failed…” Was as if he was directly talking to me…thanks for this article…I’m on day 4 RN and I don’t feel a strong urge to go back to PMO.

  13. Day 10 for me of not masturbating at all. I tried in the shower this mornig but it didn’t feel so great so I stopped. Dunno why I found my way here and this article and your comments are helping me. This is such an important and honorable challenge to us men, esp around the porn. You can do it!

  14. My problem is cam girls. i was using porn a lot and then i would not use it at all for weeks and then come back. i almost thought it was some kind of hormone cycle. but here is the thing, masturbating once — and one some occasions, twice — to porn would end the urge. but with cam girls, the masturbation is not the stimulation. the interaction and engagement is what gets me off. shopping for a girl who i want to look at because her persona connects with me. not just for her looks, although that is important, but because she responds in some way that suggests to me there is a connection. so this was like a heroin addiction. i had seen camgirls around for years, and it never resonated. then i had one event, and a week later i had spent $3000.

  15. It’s just a habit… A stupid habit. I get the same fell too. I watch Porn out of habit, not really pleasure.

  16. At times I can go a week without jerking of Then before I realise…due to some triggers I consciously permit i end up jerking off again….I won’t give up yet.

  17. if you relapse — become curious about why you relapsed. take some time, go somewhere quiet and think

    curiosity about your mind has a power too it. your brain reacts positively to self-examination and wonder.

  18. Thanks this helps alot.I get to know that PMOing once in three or four days compared to once every day is a huge improvement. We don’t have to worry about all the effort you put into this won’t go in vein after a single slip up(not relapse). We have to make sure are we making any progress or not.

  19. Thanks a lot, but I have a question ⁉️
    I am not addicted to watching pornography.
    I am a virgin person who hasn’t had any sexual relationship with a girl and that’s the point which makes me depressed and because of that, I masturbate, I know my self, I have ego, I know if I find a girlfriend and love together and have a sex just one time, my brain won’t arouse me to masturbate and I will get rid of that.
    I’m just tired of not having a girl friend that we can have a good sex and forget masturbating permanently.
    But why I haven’t had any girlfriend? Because I am too busy and I remember myself when I was 18 years old, I always study and work and was a good boy and no relationship with a girl no going out… but now I’m 21 years old, I’m suffering of not having girlfriend not having sex, and that’s a point I’m pensive and depressed and I masturbate.
    I don’t love masturbating, I don’t enjoy, but I’m forced because I don’t have any girl to have a sex and cum and make together calm.

  20. Try to read solo leveling, eleceed, magic emperor or some other manhwa that can give you extreme boost of dopamin while hold tight to your recovery, not allowing you to relapse. Just so you know I’ve suffered for the past 6 days. And this is my 26th days without porn and masturbate. For the past 6 days I felt my leg was burned, I got serious headache due to low dopamin condition in my brain. And the headache and the craving over porn got intense over time. The porn scene showed up in my mind all day long, and I can’t get rid of it. This was hell, I don’t even know if I got brain damage from enduring the pain. But this day I feel relieved from the craving, not 100% but at least the symptom goes lower and lower. And I want to let you know, porn is damage your brain, your hippocampus will get shrink over time, your prefrontal gets damaged. And not just those 2 part, there are so much parts in your brain gets damaged. I’m the one who have suffer from that, at the age of 29 I went a full brain checkup in the hospital and I got a result after a week. So the result is I got early dementia and that’s because of porn. I got depressed every time I think about my future. Porn is consuming you, you’ll be inferior than others. And just so you know, I have no wife, no house, no money to eat. And even now I would be on the street if not because of my parents still alive. And that’s how miserable I am today. So please, you gotta stop. I want to stop watching porn too, so let’s do it together even it’s too late for me to stop, but it’s not too late for you.

  21. Wow powerful
    Amazing how you describe in such detail the drawbacks.
    I am a wife of a pawn addict that has just relapsed after a year clean supposedly.
    Can you ever be really free from it.?
    Does it make you a compose if lier?
    I need help I am in complete despair and turmoil.
    Thank you

  22. Ahmed AL-Boghdady

    I really needs that now because I’ve relapsed about 6 times after 5 months , and after the first relapse the perfectionism took place and tells me that all my work is gone but I fight it back and keep that in my mind that I’m not a god to be complete I’m a human and all the human on the earth is making mistakes in order to learn from it!

  23. I first want to say “thank you’ for initiating this blog….Thank you, Thank you!
    I needed the part about Edison also that “All is not lost”, but that we must learn from it, and let the my anger from it be a catapult to launch us further towards progress….Also the part that even if I have had a couple week streaks! those were 2 weeks that I was off of that stuff!

  24. Hi Nat,
    I’m also a partner of a recovering Porn Addict.

    I’m absolutely in heartache and I bet you’ve been there too.

    Constantly stuck between feeling disgusted by their behaviour and not wanting to then be close with them – yet the thing that makes me feel safe and happy in my relationship again, is by being close with them.

    Every time a set back happens, it kills my desire to be intimate with him. But i don’t want to punish him so he turns to it?

    Have you also experienced these feelings & do you have any tips?

    I will pray for you and your partner x

  25. Im still in a horendious flatline and its aug.2021 ,,im not young,im 49,not a clue whats going on,sept will be the 4th anniversary of me and my xf break 2017up,seriously starting to understand sucide,i slept through the new yr 2021,didnt celebrate 4th of july ,feel lethargic,on disabilty ,no motavation for anything .Back hurts .My sister friend adopted daughter took her life reciently ,rumour has it she had this issue, ,gary said some never heal.Been a recluse ,

  26. guys What if i have a friend and see her very rarely,but she sends me softs of her,my libido is so high and sometimes i just cant stop myself from relapsing

  27. Seriously july 4th 2023 still no change,gary rip said some never heal.Watched sev.Doc.Including chasing the carboard butterfly ,brain heart world ,david ley making a idiot on sev.Platforms.

  28. Seriosly still in a dreaed flatline,im seriously sucideal,xg bay coming up,anniversary of break up sep.On disabitly ,tried multiple supplenmts,including Alphavril,tms therapy,deep tms therapy ,ldopa etc ,

  29. Vomiting .Lower back pain,flatline,frequent urination,pain in chest,heart burn,fatigue,weight gain,pain in groin,aka death grip.Acne on back chest ,bubbly urine,semen in urine,frequent urination,loss of morning wood,headaches,moody,anedoneia,lethargy,social isolation,memory impairment ,man boobs,overeating,forcing yourself to social lize even during hollidays,job loss,depression,disabilty ,Pyrenees,pants wont fit ,supplemnts that suck,taking fo many can cause vomitng,flu like symtoms,no motavation for anythin,no motavation to date,divorces,focus issues,testicals partly up rear end love handles,weight gain,lack of motavation to excerise,no motavation to eat or cook ,dementia like syptoms,or parkenses,loss od d2 dopamine in the prefrontel cortex,nucleus,ed meds no help,problem is the brain,and or death grip,adhd like syptoms,talking to fast or to slow,eye floaters,accusations,hot flashes,cold flashes,being agted easly,nervous breakdowns,doing or saying things to persons even family,snaping really easy,loss of libido,no energy,small things seem like a choir,even showering or other things.Forgeting things,feels like your life is passing you bye,staying away from social media,break ups,hair a mess,

  30. Relapsing one day = relapsing for a very long time.

    Its Just like alcohol, cigarettes… Never foolish yourself. Relapsing just one time its over.
    You have to start over the whole process.

    When u say u stop, u stop.

    Forever. Never fall again a single time.

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