Happy New Year. I just completed 90 days today of NoFap. That is no PMO, PM, MO or M. I started this process in October 2013 (I posted this in January 2015) and it took 3 attempts, with many false starts in between each attempt. I have struggled with MO and PMO since my youth and I am in my late 40s now. I have finally developed personal patterns and techniques that are highly beneficial, which I would like to share with you. Most of this is not new on NoFap, but it is worth sharing again. Good things are worth sharing again and again:
1) Accountability Partner.
For the 1st attempt I made it 55 days and the 2nd attempt I made it 65 days. On the 3rd attempt I found a NoFap accountability partner which was hugely important to helping me, particularly during the 1st 60 days. I contacted him every day for the 1st 60 days or so. Thank you accountability partner.
2) K9 porn-blocking software.
I have used various software and systems for over two years and this is the best software I have found in the market. And, it’s free. My advice is to make a very complicated password and then go put it in the trunk of your car or someplace difficult to get to. Or give it to your accountability partner. Here’s the deal – there are times when your will is strong and you don’t need porn-blocking software. But there will be times when your will is weak, or a sexual desire will come out of nowhere, and unconsciously you may access porn or sensual imagery or text. K9 is for those moments, which can creep up anytime. I am planning to keep k9 on my computer, because it’s the right thing to do.
3) Make vows.
I made a promise to myself not to use other computers in the house that are not mine and do not have k9. I have a “sacred place” in the house where I will move our 2nd laptop computer if I am feeling urges. I made a vow that once I move the computer there, I cannot touch it.
4) Get a counter.
I created a 90 day grid using Excel. Once I completed a NoFap day it went from red to green all the way to 90 days. If there was a trigger or issue on a certain day, I would also mark it to see how long it took to get back to a stable mind pattern. The counter on NoFap is a good tool for this as well.
5) Read NoFap.
Read all you can. Find out what works for people. Read the failures. Read the successes. Go directly to this site. Follow threads that connect and help you. Although I did not post much on NoFap, I read a lot and it became a healthy substitute for P.
6) Trigger Inventory.
I needed to know and understand all my triggers during this process. I had to develop a strategy for each one. I had some big ones, which I discussed with my accountability partner.
7) Failure is an option.
I had two big upsets during this process and countless little ones. I eventually got really sick and tired of starting over. The 1st 6 weeks or so were very painful for me, and I got tired of repeating that period. You will learn from your failures and mistakes. And, you will come back to NoFap even if you don’t think you will. I did.
8) Connect with your higher self.
There is a person inside you who does not want you addicted to F or P. This side of you is evolved and has no addiction. He/She is highly spiritual and connected with God. Remember this side of you when you want to access your K9 password or before going into a situation that may be a trigger. He/She got you to NoFap. This side of you is very patient and hopeful for you. This part of you is your best you. Thinking of this part of me was very helpful, as I knew that part of me set up the k9 software and I respected his decision.
I can’t speak highly enough about the benefits of meditation. I have meditated for awhile now, but when I combined meditation with NoFap, it became a powerful combination. You can ask me more about this as I am happy to share.
10) Keep on keeping on.
At 90 days I am ready for the next 90 days. I am getting my goals together and will send them to my accountability partner. Life is still hard and I do not have super powers, but I am changing for the better.
Additional Tips worth noting.
11) Progress is not linear.
I find that progression is more wave like than linear. First comes a buildup of urges and as those urges are ignored or overcome progress is made. Then once again urges build up, are overcome, and progress is made once again. It’s much like exercise. You work out, then while recovering the growth occurs. At least that is how I seem to experience it. (From Octonacho, in a response in this post.)
12) Keep your hands above your belt.
This one sounds obvious but was a great “trick” for me particularly in the beginning of NoFap. I identified situations and times of the day that were potential issues. If my mind got aroused during these situations, I allow myself to have this feeling; however, I am sure to keep my hands above my waistline. It’s a simple but powerful tip and it will help change your thought and behavior patterns. I notice I still have powerful thoughts, but with this practice they drift away quicker. Quick poking around down there!
A follow up note on this – I have found this to be a learned behavior that provides a great benefit to the entire re-boot process. You will have sensual thoughts (for sure) when you get established on the NoFap path. Just keep your hands above the waistline – and these thoughts will begin to pass in a natural way. This tip is so simple and obvious, but its one of the best weapons in the entire arsenal.
13. Learn to love withdrawls.
William posted “Get educated, get tools, and learn to love withdrawals” on his thread back in 2013. When I was researching NoFap I found sage advise from this posting. The idea of “learning to love withdrawls” allowed me to re-think what I was going through. Instead of craving stimulus I began to view this as a withdrawl, which was taking me closer to what I ought to be. An urge became a blessing at that moment, which is really high-level thinking. (There are also some great links on William’s thread.) Another way to phrase this, “Become comfortable with being uncomfortable.”
I want the best for everyone one of you. If someone is struggling, please reach out to me via NoFap email. We are here to help each other.
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