Should you wait until you’re in a relationship to quit porn?

Many single people say that quitting porn feels impossible for them.

After all, how are you supposed to quit porn if you don’t have any non-solo sexual outlet? Are you just supposed to hold in your sexual desire for months or even years? If you quit porn now, are your genitals just going to explode?

How are you supposed to deal with loneliness without the soothing escape that porn temporarily brings? At least porn takes the edge off of loneliness, right?

How are you supposed to quit porn if you don’t have any “end date” in mind for when you can have sex? Whether you are looking to have hookups, date, be in a relationship, or wait until a long-term partnership or marriage, how will you deal with the uncertainty of when you can find partnered sex again?

How are you supposed to quit porn when your romantic needs aren’t being fulfilled – and nobody has given you a hug in months to years? When your life is devoid of romantic intimacy, hand-holding?

These are common themes in the messages that we see from recovering porn addicts and non-addicts who are single who want to quit porn but are putting it off until they are in a relationship.

The reality is that a relationship probably won’t fix your porn problems.

We often hear stuff from single people in recovery like, “why can’t I have it easy like all people in relationships? Quitting porn would be so EASY if only I were dating!” But that’s not the reality for many people in relationships. Quitting porn in a relationship has its challenges too. If you struggle with porn addiction or problematic porn use, dating or being in a relationship doesn’t magically make a problematic relationship with porn go away.

Recovery while in a relationship can be challenging:

1. People’s partners don’t always want to have sex at any moment. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that there’s a magic button that exists to have sex anytime, anywhere, to relieve sexual cravings.

2. Porn addicts often have “dead bedrooms” where they seldomly to never have sex with their partner. This can be sparked by porn addiction. Numerous academic studies have linked problematic porn use to decreased sexual satisfaction and relationship satisfaction.

3. Many porn addicts aren’t very interested in partnered sex, preferring porn over sex with their partner. So the availability of partnered sex doesn’t always matter to them too much. This lack of desire for partnered sex can lead to hurt feelings in a relationship that wouldn’t otherwise be present if single.

4. Porn addiction, like other addictions, often poisons relationships from the inside out. Often, porn addiction can lead to conflict, stress, and hurt feelings within a relationship. To a large extent, being in a relationship can complicate, rather than simplify, the recovery process.

5. A romantic partner might feel upset at the adverse effects that porn addiction has on the relationship, which makes a lot of sense. Bitter feelings can make reintroducing sexual intercourse a long and nuanced process.

6. When you’re single, there is a world of dating opportunities in front of you. Recovering porn addicts in monogamous relationships sometimes report that since novel sex with new partners isn’t an option for them, the lack of novel sexual prospects makes quitting porn challenging for them – since if you are single, there aren’t as many hang-ups with fantasizing about novel sex.

7. When you are in a relationship, you might have responsibilities and another person’s feelings to consider. This can slow down the amount of time you have to pursue self-development and focus on your recovery and building good habits.

Funnily enough, we hear from many people in relationships who think it would be easier to quit porn while single! Single people often feel the opposite. As people often say, “the grass is always greener.” People in relationships think that quitting porn while single would be easier! Consider thinking about the many benefits of quitting porn while single, rather than focusing on the perceived difficulty.

The reality is that there will never be a perfect time to quit porn.

“I’ll quit porn tomorrow” can repeat itself for years, a decade, or longer. Waiting for the perfect time to quit porn is a losing game since that ideal time to quit porn will often never arrive.

Whether you are waiting for your next hookup buddy, your next date, your next relationship, or a marriage, putting off your recovery probably won’t benefit you.

If you are engaged in problematic porn use, or if you are experiencing negative effects caused by your porn use, every day that you postpone quitting porn is causing further harm to your life.

The definition of porn addiction can be shortened to be “an inability to stop using porn, despite negative effects of continued use.” Whether you are single or in a relationship, you can experience those adverse effects of porn addiction or problematic porn use.

We only have so much time to live. Every day that you continue to engage in porn addiction, you are eating away at the time you have to live a more fulfilling, happier life.

Using porn probably won’t make you feel less lonely.

If you are using porn to feel less lonely, really think about whether porn is really helping. Is porn making you feel less lonely or providing a short-lived temporary escape from lonely feelings? Indeed, problematic porn use and porn addiction can lead to social and romantic isolation. Many people who quit porn report that their dating and social lives drastically improved. By continuing to engage in porn use, you might feel better in the short term, but the bad habit could be contributing to chronic loneliness.

Continuing porn addiction will likely make you less marketable on the dating market.

By continuing to engage in porn addiction or problematic porn use, you might be reducing the chances of finding a romantic partner.

Why wouldn’t you want to put your best foot forward in the dating market? Do you want to meet your future partner when you’re at a low point in life, or while you are at your best?

If you quit porn now, you won’t pollute a future relationship with porn addiction.

If you are a single porn addict, it is probably best to kick the habit before getting into a relationship. Porn addiction can have devastating effects on relationships. If you have an opportunity to start your next relationship porn-free, why wouldn’t you take that opportunity?

How to quit porn while you’re single.

Being single doesn’t mean that you need to feel lonely or alone.

Quitting porn while single can be an excellent time to connect with others and reinvigorate your social life. You can spend more time focusing on being a good family member and friend. Consider committing to reaching out to people in your life more often. They may be happy to hear from you!

Consider being a part of the recovery community. Hundreds of people are online connecting at all hours throughout the day. Yes, of course, we mean joining NoFap.

Join another community of like-minded people. Think about things that you care about. Maybe it is volunteering at your local cat rescue. Or language learning. Or cooking. Or dancing. Or hiking. The choice is entirely yours. There are probably events that you are interested in going on online or in your local community.

Consider adopting a companion animal such as a cat or dog. Yes, at NoFap, we love our cat and dog companions. Every one of them deserves a loving home. Plus, they’re very cuddly.

Work on improving yourself.

Being in a relationship certainly has its benefits – but it can take a lot of time and energy. When you are single, you have freedom, time, and flexibility, which can aid your self-improvement journey.

Consider learning a new skill. If you previously spent 4 hours per day jacking off to porn, that adds up to 60 24-hour days per year. Imagine what you can do with that newly freed-up time.

Pursue that goal that you’ve been putting off. Many of us have had childhood dreams that we’ve never taken one step towards fulfilling.

Keep active.

If you struggle with porn cravings because you’re sitting in front of the computer all day, get away from screens sometimes! If you must work at the computer often, consider working in a public place such as a coffee house.

Consider planning by scheduling your day to keep busy when you struggle with porn use. Book up your schedule to keep active, keep your mind off of porn, keep from dwelling too much about being single, and progress towards your goals.

Change up your routines. Consider implementing a morning routine to jumpstart your day. Consider implementing an evening routine to wind down to ensure that you’re well-rested properly.

Take care of yourself.

Going through a reboot is a great time to start exercising. If you live a sedentary lifestyle, you’ll benefit from even a tiny amount. You can get started with a short walk daily.

Eat well. With all of your time and energy, you can devote some of it to learning new recipes, proper nutrition, meal prepping, and eating more healthily.

Sleep enough. Lack of sleep is a common pitfall for porn addiction recovery. Make sure that you prioritize getting enough high-quality sleep.

Manage your stress levels. If you used porn as a crutch to get through the day, you’ll have to figure out some new healthier stress outlets.

Many people have quit porn while they were single, and you can do it too. Even though it can feel daunting, it’s often incredibly rewarding. You never know what benefits you may stand to gain by quitting porn until you give it a shot for yourself!