why only i am facing this ? have no courage to die ): all my dreams have gone..

Hello brothers,
i did NoFap for couple of days in this order :
2 DAYS - RELASPED - 3 DAYS - RELAPSED

i still do have these urge to same sex fantasies
i really feel fear that i am gay

AT THE SAME TIME, I REALLY DO HAVE EROTIC THOUGHTS TO WOMEN AS WELL

I REALLY DO IMAGINED AND FAPPED A GIRL TO HAVE SEX WITH HER - HAD WILD THOUGHTS IN BETWEEN

BUT DEEP DOWN I REALLY FEEL FEAR THAT I CANT HAVE A FAMILY WITH A GIRL ):
I CANT BE A FATHER AND HUSBAND ):

at times i really had good thoughts about family the thoughts really made me happy
BUT I FEEL FEAR ):