i work in kitchen an i actually stand back from poeple , i dont want to touch anyone and i dont want them touching me, i just dont want to be touched, i dont feel like im starving from anything,
It's partially sad for me when I realize this has been one of my problems my entire life. I almost have a fear of trying to hug only for people to recoil from it
This reminds me of one time in high school I was making small-talk with a girl. I had no ulterior motive we were just talking, although I can't remember exactly what about. What I do remember is me outstretching my arms as I said something, and her suddenly saying, "No I don't want a hug." I was so embarrassed and for years that feeling remained until I eventually realized that she was the one being socially inept, not me, for somehow interpreting me stretching my arms while stood 5 feet away from her as me going in for a hug. She probably doesn't even remember that happening but for me it's a knot in my brain I've never been able to fully untangle, despite, as I said, now realising I didn't actually do anything.
Wow, thank you for that perspective. I had not considered it could be the other person's reaction to me. I'm always touched when people actually want to hug too.
A lot of the time when you remember these awkward and embarrassing situations you're the only one who does, and it's pointless to keep beating yourself up over it. You only remember it so strongly because it happened to you. You only care so much because of that as well, you probably remember loads of cringeworthy things your friends did and you don't care at all and that's how anyone who does remember the stupid thing you did feels. Or in my case, I wasn't the one doing anything embarrassing, it was the other person. Problem is, it's hard to stop caring. That's just the way my brain works. I think if I could magically flip a switch and change one aspect of my personality for good, I would make it so I stop getting anxious about things that don't matter. I can still feel the painful emotions over things that happened more than a decade ago, and it stops me living in the here and now. I'm so anxious about making mistakes that I end up not doing anything.
No use beating yourself up ! It's human to make mistakes ... That being said, you can only hug a girl if you are 100% sure she likes you...
This is very true. Bro, don’t focus so much on seeking out the touch of some dream-concept of a girl yo I have in mind, but rather focus on developing yourself to be a man worthy of her. In all aspects—physical, emotional, financial, spiritual, etc. I can relate to you bro. I was deceived into thinking that “touch deprivation” justified me to start visiting massage parlors and having illicit sex with prostitutes (all this while being married), but it was actually my lack of maturity that demanded me to be served instead of me selflessly serving my wife. I’m slowly growing out of it and developing to be the man my wife deserves, but it’s definitely a journey. Don’t believe the lie that you deserve it. You don’t. You earn it and actually receive much more “touch gratification” by sacrificially giving yourself to serving others’ needs more than your own selfish desires. And this is true even if you’re single.
Maybe try dance classes? Since it involves socially appropriate touching. It'd also get you familiar with the opposite sex, in a wholesome way. I would join in a heartbeat but shift work schedule sucks for evening classes
From a moral standpoint I disagree but from a practical standpoint it makes some sort of sense to do this. But then again we live in a schizophrenic society of contradictions. You have liberal types screeching that sex is a human right while at the same time bullying men who don't have it.
i like hugs! Also I have a pet. And most importantly is being present to these and other touches, I notice my mind tends not to really experience what is happening now instead talks about “I want xyz”
I was practicing being present to the touches I get , inspired by this thread, I noticed craving. I forgot that before, when I get some amount of touch I tend to want more. That’s perfectly normal and understandable, of course we want a lot of touch. It’s good to be conscious and intentional with touch, knowing that I will want more. Knowing that helps me not take actions characterized by trying to take more, actions I’ve suffered emotionally from . Contentedness is best.
Ever thought about having a pet? When you have a dog, cat, genua pigs, rabbit or even chickens, you care for them, touch them, stroke them etc. It's very healthy to have a pet, and they can really mean something to you.
Try to approach 1 girl per day. You can start out small, like 10-15 minutes if it's difficult. Tell a girl you think she's cute, make small talk for a bit, then ask for her number. If talking to women is still tough, then at least go outside and think about talking to women for 10-15 minutes every day. Take baby steps, and keep at it. It will build the habit of talking to women, and eventually, you will start to go on dates, and actively solve your problem of touch starvation.
