I feel lonely as hell (and this combined with a physiological issue where I get extremely aroused when my bladder is full -- but for some reason don't get the urge to void) and this is causing me to relapse over and over and over. Is there anyone else out that there that is feeling extremely lonely and depressed too? Any others having success sitting with this and navigating to the other side?
Been single for almost 11 years, yet still feeling like I've never truly been loved. And I have so much love to give. On top of being a virgin in my mid 30s, it eats me up like acid. I'm at the point where I don't even smile, nor can I fake one. You are definitely not alone
Sexual addiction is an extremely lonely place. It isolates us from everything as we enter into increasingly shameful behavior. Feeling isolated is a really common feeling for us sex addicts. ‘Out of the Shadows’ talks about this. Even if you are in a committed relationship, you can still feel very alone as a sex addict. I have found an incredible amount of peace and company in my relationship with Jesus Christ. Sunday I was very angry and lonely because it had been a month since my spouse and I had sexual anything. I prayed and gave my desires to God, and I kid you not , I was filled with the most miraculous peace that stayed with me all day. That’s my testimony from Sunday atleast. Does that help? Not sure what your situation is or where you’re at in recovery.
After my divorce, the loneliness was pretty brutal. And I'm not familiar with this bladder/arousal issue, but you can't react to it by using PMO if you want to get better. You got to tough it out when you feel that weirdness if you want it to die out. It's going to take time. But about loneliness, there is something I want to say. When a man is lonely, it really isn't so much about other people as it is about where he is in his life goals. What I mean is that loneliness is a product of self-esteem. A man with high self-esteem can be alone or with people. When he isn't with people, then he still finds a way to either work on his goals, rest or have fun. And about self-esteem, there is no short cut to it. It is built on achievement. That's what we men do. In fitness, in finances, in our hobbies, at work, in faith, whatever it is, we do it with the end result of achieving something, improving, making it efficient, making it stronger, faster, better. You have to get busy on your mission if you want to get better. If you just go chase people around, you are going to end up back where you are now. Don't waste time.
Thanks for letting me know that I'm not alone brother. It helps!! I hope that you find an outlet for all your love, I can appreciate how frustrating it is without one. Incidentally I have started following you on this site and will try to check in every now and then so that both of us are less alone.
This does help and I just said a prayer and feel a little better and will continue to turn to god for solace and comfort. Thank you and god bless!!
I hear what you are saying and will keep trying to tough it out and divert my focus onto something else. I'm going to go back to reading about climate science this evening and am planning to read at least four books two times or more by the end of the year as well to to at least four volunteer events. Thank you for emphasizing the need to act!! I will take this to heart and work on it in real and practical ways.
Oh Heck yeah! That's the spirit buddy! Awesome! Watch this negative momentum start to turn around! I'm excited! Woo-hoo! hmu if I can be of assistance!
Loneliness is a big problem for me as well. It's not always easy to cope with it. But it's easy to be lonely around people as well, so it's a deeper problem. It's something about being able to be myself around others. Of not hiding. If I am myself and I connect with others, at least a little, that is a great remedy against a lonely heart. But if I go around others and pretend to be someone I'm not, it won't make me feel less lonely, it could even do the opposite. I think action does help a lot. Being active towards our goals, what we want in life. The values we are pursuing. Action does quickly help the blues of loneliness. Provided we remain authentic. But another thing to think about is learning to accept the loneliness as well. Learning to know it. Easier said then done but this perspective can change our relationship with it. We can see it as something to get familiar with rather then to run away from. Here, even action is not needed. Not in the conventional sense of the word. What is needed here is presence and acceptance. For instance we can write about what we're feeling. Or we can take some long walks. Or anything to try to be with the loneliness and the sadness. And learn to become almost friend with it. Instead of running away from it. Maybe this is overly optimistic, but I do think that learning to accept loneliness can help. Maybe we can learn a whole lot about ourselves and about life in general if we learn to stay with our loneliness when it hits us.
It's not optimistic, it is the right way to overcome it. When you feel lonely, it's a sign to get out there in the world and kick butt. That is what NoFap is for me. To have the power to kick butt. I wake up in the morning and kick butt all day long. There's nothing better.
I hear what you're saying especially with regards to allowing oneself to be with loneliness and trying to develop acceptance as well with being one's true self when engaging with others as that's the only way one really gains company. These are good points that I will try to keep in mind when as I'm going through the loneliness. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I feel a little less lonely
Thanks for empathizing and helping me understand that I'm not alone in feeling lonely and depressed. That's means a lot
The thing I want to say about depression, from suffering for a long time, is that it is a reaction to fear. Some people rage it out, some go to the depressed side. My suggestion is to make a list of things that bother you. If you can go one step further, mark off the things you can change and the things you can't change. Of the things you can change, make an action plan. The things you can't change, you have to accept. But to at least saw off a few things really helps. Also, the exercise has a tendency to decrease depression. The reason is because when you force the feelings to define themselves, they don't have unlimited power anymore. They have a beginning, ending and a reason. It kills their power. Another thing that is weird about this process is that no matter how long the list is, sometimes if you just have one thing you can do that helps, doing that one thing almost destroys the whole list, and the depression itself. Because how bad can you feel about things you can't change? People will abandon, the stock market goes down, a car fails, another job is lost, and bad things happen to people that isn't their fault. When you focus your energy on the one thing that you can do, the list gets shorter and shorter. Most guys think this kind of exercise, referred to as an inventory in program, is stupid, won't help or is a waste. It's not.
I will try this inventory thing I have heard of it in program. Not sure if it will relate to everything.
@LOSEmyselftoSAVEmyself I will try this as well, it seems like a good idea. It will probably take some time over a week or so to really reflect on and catch everything that bothers me and then a little time to figure out my action plan(s), I sense this will involve a lot of acceptance but I think that iterating through this process as I start to take actions and confront more instances where I have limited control but I look forward to being able to become engaged in the areas I do have control and can like you said hopefully forgot about or even let go of the things I can't control. Glad you shared this, I appreciate the perspective!
Super awesome! The thing you'll discover is that when you repeat this process, over time the list gets shorter and shorter. What replaces that old depressed feeling is good vibes, blessings, optimism.
Yeah, just take 10-15 minutes and write down what is eating your lunch today. See if there's anything in the list you can act upon. Write down what action you should take. Break the steps down if you need to. When there is action to do, and you take the action, you probably won't see it back in the list for a while, sometimes never again. Watch how the process creates a better YOU.
