Hey guys, I’m 20 years old and face difficulties abstaining. I’ve been doing it since 2016-17.

The urges are coming in the afternoon today, its almost evening now, I’m trying to work and finding it difficult, I feel really terrible, I did not even look at anything of the sort, not even by accident, I ended up reading something, maybe my head is trying to replace porn with something else, I have to be mindful, I don’t know why I’m finding it difficult to work but I’ll keep trying. I’ll browse here for something that helps.

 

Okay so I stopped using devices and focused on whatever I could. It helped and worked. The streak is still going. The urges still come and I feel like I lose my hold on them when I’m too tired. Today was such a busy day that I was extremely tired, I’ve been unable to remove the images in my head and I’m too tired to relapse anyway. I’m heading to sleep now, its 10:34pm here

 

Yesterday was 5th day, today is the 6th day, on to day 7 tomorrow after waking up, its been 6 days without looking at sexual images and 8 days since my last reset. Let’s keep going.

 

Let’s always say no to the urges.
I’m kind of happy because waking up early would fix my schedule, as I am sleeping early tonight. I went to college today on 3 hours of sleep, and the college girls still dress in a very revealing manner, It is a habit now to lower my gaze in college. I have also decided to work out. I will do push ups tomorrow. And work more on college stuff.

 

Yeah bro, I heard a sheikh say, the devil whispers when you let your guard down, even for a second. So I decided to never let my guard down. But isn’t it annoying that those kind of images could appear even the least expected of places? But I haven’t seen those images for a long while now. I don’t like the people my age anymore, went to college one day and found my college friends who are not that close already trying to flirt with those kind of girls. I have too much confidence with girls because I used to be a player but I am not looking to get into relationships anymore. I think about my future wife, what would she think? If I lower my gaze for her, she covers herself for me, I really believe its a match made in heaven. So I stay away from girls and I really need to find other friends, one of my closer college friends went back to his hometown so Its really difficult, but he wanted to change as well, he found himself giving in to the worldly desires. He said he’d come back a changed man, I’ll pray for him.

 

I have no confidence to approach a girl who covers herself, she is too respected in my eyes and has a much higher standard. That’s the standard I wish to reach though.

 

I relapsed. I abstained for a week but couldn’t go further. I felt like time was moving so slow. I feel defeated because I look here and people have been trying so hard and have such long streaks. Sure it motivates me but it also brings that insecurity in me. I really need to not do it again. its a reset but I’ll consider it a relapse. Day 0. I must start again. I was going to play football today, it would have changed everything, I messed up, I let my guard down, I felt too aroused, I haven’t felt this aroused in a long time and it made me mess up. I will be more mindful of the morning arousal. A tip here said that maybe sleep in jeans so you find it difficult to get aroused, I will start doing that. I must start again.

 

Maybe I should stop thinking of females altogether, these thoughts developed in these past few days making it seem like I’m lonely when I wasn’t. I have friends and family.

 

Feeling defeated is another crime now. I will stop this once and for all. I’ll be using the phone less from today so I will not update here everyday. I hope you understand.

 

Also, I let my guard down just one night and all goes to shit in the morning. I have realized that I should go to sleep in wudu and always listen or recite surah mulk, Imagine I justtt didn’t do it one night and everything goes wrong. I think its also because it was a week of abstaining from pmo and people here usually say the urges are very high during between 1-2 weeks. That is no excuse though. I realize that its difficult for me to fight the urges when I’m tired, so i’ll wake up to my heart’s content. And I will wash my head and face before going to sleep. Somehow cold shower is a remedy and helps in abstaining, its insane how the ablution has a way of working against the evil.

 

I read a bit about what to do after a relapse, it said take a cold shower, read, and then it said work out. I have taken a cold shower and I’m going to read now. I consider prayer to be my meditation and I’ve done it twice today so that’s great. I read about the chaser effect and how to stop it. I feel like I have gained more knowledge about how to deal with it. I’m willing to learn more about how the brain and body works when it comes to the urges, I hope people share whatever they can here to help, of course I’ll research on my own too.

 

I don’t know bro, I’ve gotten so demotivated after yesterday and today. I have to remove this from my life. I want to be pure from this and sober from this when I have to get a wife. And I don’t want to think about all that now. My sole reason of leaving this is my religion and to remove brain fogginess. That’s it.

 

Day 0: I need to start again. I need to browse here to see other people’s struggles to motivate me.

 

I will quit it, I just need things to get involved in. I just need time. Time moves really slow while I’m abstaining. I need to go out week in week out, go out somewhere maybe or find something to do at home itself. I need a lot to work on. The desires won’t get me far in life. They will only cause problems for me. I will waste time, disappoint my loved ones, and never be able to be successful in anything in my life. If I control my desires, I would have better control over everything in my life. I would have control over my thoughts, I will be much more productive, not only in worldly life but also my religion. And the most important thing for me is, in future, to get a wife that is modest and deserves a lot of respect, I have to change myself for that, she’ll bring me closer to our religion, I want to be able to bring her closer to our religion as well. I don’t look at women in real life, I lower my gaze. But on the internet, it is an entirely different thing. I can’t look anywhere on the internet. I will make sure to download applications with minimal things present, most browsers have news in their new tab, so even if you’re working, you might get distracted. Even if you open youtube for study, there are weird ads over there as well. So there’s distraction as well. The problem is that I live with my parents and I end up checking their phone instead, and obviously there are no blockers over there and there are social media apps present there, so that content ends up appearing on their phones, even on notifications. It has just become extremely common, women wearing revealing clothes. So common. I have decided while typing this. I will delete all the accounts I have made on instagram. I will also delete all my accounts from twitter. I will also delete my account from snapchat. I don’t use them but on my parents phones, I do end up using them, I don’t know why these applications come built in with the androids nowadays. And I’ll also request them to change their phone passwords. I hope that works out. I’ll use my phone very less as well. Let’s begin this on a legendary difficulty. I aim for 20 days atleast, but I prefer 30 days. I am aiming for 30 days final, and become more motivated after that so I keep going more months, I’ve had enough of this pmo.

 

I only used to deactivate accounts but deletion is possible, why not delete it.

 

I’m hesitant to ask my friend but I guess I will ask him today.