Hey guys, I’m 20 years old and face difficulties abstaining. I’ve been doing it since 2016-17.

I promise you I’m gonna get through this. I promise.

 

Day 1: Not even a single thought in mind, was busy most of the day praying. On to the next day.

 

Day 2: A busy day again, didn’t have much time to indulge in thoughts again. I’m so involved in praying and reading that I’ve been able to abstain without any issue but its only been two days, there’s much more abstaining to do. I am unable to be productive though, maybe because I’m unable to get much sleep which makes me very tired to do anything.

 

DAY 3: A bit of abstaining to do but overall it was fine. I feel like not sleeping enough has a big impact on me. I must get proper sleep but also stay busy.

 

I came across way too many images of that sort, I don’t know what was wrong with me, I did not crumble though, I could say no to it, for the first time in my life I actually feared god enough to not do it, I hope this fear in me increases even after Ramadan. But I have one question guys, how do you practice not getting aroused by looking at those types of images, I came across some success story here, that one has to teach himself not to get aroused by it. I think its a lot about discipline and I feel like I have learnt step 1 but at the moment I still find it really hard to believe that it can be done, considering the male hormones just go crazy after looking at something like that. Oddly enough, I do not feel that way when I’m outside, I am able to detest all of it, even if I see a hot girl and if she wears revealing clothes, I will immediately detest her for that and wouldn’t look at her again. When I look for a partner, I look for innocence because I don’t want to get into relationships and all that, I seriously only want to marry but even for that I have to look for a potential partner. For me, girls who wear oversized clothes look cute to me. I guess being alone for sometime really turns you towards the evil path. I stay away from girls at the moment because I feel the need to fix myself and earn enough money then I won’t waste time marrying someone.

 

I need to know one more thing guys, if I checked out those pics a bit more than I should have, have I relapsed? Do I need to go again, I haven’t looked at porn and I was able to abstain from masturbating. I really need to know if I have relapsed because If I have, I need to start again. I will update my journal after 5 hours so I really need to know so that I know what day I’m on, really.

 

I was able to abstain easily once I shared everything here, the difficulties really start from this time and they go on for 8 hours from here. Its all easy while im fasting, but at night its really difficult so i spend my time praying. I will come here again tonight if I find it tough.

 

Day 4 done on day 5 now, only 8 hours left for day 5 to be over.

 

Promises really give me more ability to control, Its like i don’t wanna disappoint people, I need to learn to not disappoint me instead. That is what’s called self control.

 

Day 5 done alhamdulillah.

 

Day 6 over, going strong.

 

Brother i’m sad that i relapsed again, I am having an extremely hard time, I’m unable to get anywhere, I did it two days in a row, its really messed up brother, I really want your help, if you can give it. I feel like I need all the help i can get. Please bro.

 

I was too ashamed to show myself here, I’m too messed up, It feels like all the hard work brought me nowhere. I feel like crying, its really tough.

 

Hey man I just remembered your promise, I messed up and relapsed, but I wish to fulfill my promise, I came here to tell you that I will not give up on this and to remind you that this promise will be fulfilled. I must get through this.

 

I mean my promise not yours

 

I guess its back to day 0 then I guess. These are troubling times. I must get back on track.

 

I received it, thanks for helping out bro.