Try to search for religion in your life. I used to be like that. I started following Islam. I’m occupied most of the time. 5 time prayers are a must. I lost my Job recently and doing full time job hunting right now. I wake up at 5 Am for the morning praying, I get deep in meditation. Connection with God. Once that is done. I study/job hunting up until 9 or 10 and then go to gym for 2 hours. It’s almost 12. I get back home and it’s time for 2nd Prayer of the day. I do that. And so on, one at 3 then 5.30 and then at 7. Prayers last no more than 5-10 min but it keeps me motivated throughout the day. I am telling you It keeps me real busy throughout the day. You can try to look into it. Whatever religion suits you, even if you don’t believe in it just for countering your boredom you can start with it. It will cost you no money and any mosque will welcome you with open hands.
This is the root of the boredom. I’m also a loner but wasn’t always like this. Back when I had a thriving social life, surrounded by cool people and especially cute girls, I was never bored and looked forward to socializing everyday. Our technology obsessed modern lifestyle and the lack of community in our society is the problem.
Okay, so first and foremost, reading your thread is not a waste of anyone's time. Second, this may sound weird, but this is an addiction we're dealing with. So for most of us, if not ALL of us, if we're not acting out by feeding our addiction in some way, just about anything is boring! Unfortunately, it takes work, time, and effort to put your genuine focus into something different that not only isn't self-destructive, but sometimes can possibly even be healthy. I am a total comic book nerd. I love comic books, movies, action figures, and anything comic book related, especially Marvel. But comic art is very dangerous for me. I danced around the boundary of that stuff and get myself in trouble several times.l doing so. I finally realized I just need to stay away from it. Most people would say that someone would learn that lesson after the first time or two of getting in trouble, but I thought I was good enough to not get into trouble each time. Anyway, long story short, I looked at a lot of different things and for my situation, I need something quiet and cheap, so I decided to try building models of fictional vehicles from TV shows and movies. My son expressed interest in putting together a Star Wars Tie Interceptor, so I'm going to try to find one that you need glue for, and maybe even a bit of paint, and order it for my son and me to build together. There's no guarantee I'll love , but I'm hopeful. And if it isn't my thing, I'll ask around and do some research to see what else is out there that could do the trick for me. But the thing is that you have to go into with an open mind. You can't try it thinking that it's going to absolutely suck and will never work, because it never will. And one more thing.... This is such a dangerous thing to do. You seem to be comparing yourself to others who you feel have a good, or maybe even perfect life. The truth is that either they, or someone else, at least at one point or another, have looked at you and thought the same thing. They may even have been in a worse place than you are now. Comparing myself to others ALWAYS has the exact same outcome, I LOSE, no exceptions. And I always end up feeling like the loser who was cast out and exiled for being such a freak. I would say it would almost surely be a VERY good thing to try to connect with some group of people (in person) with similar interest. If there are any group of guys from work that you get along with, maybe you could all go get a burger sometime. If not, there might be a group of guys at church to go bowling with or something. Either way, I feel like foe you, human connection and interaction is probably going to be the best way to get out of this rut. Good luck and God bless, my friend!
It absolutely is harder, agreed. I had a lot of friends in college and university and they slowly dribbled away to the point I only regularly talk to one person, a few others sometimes, most of them never. Not to sound overly sensitive but I've been treated disrespectfully by the majority of people I've tried to be friends with over the years. I've given and given and given and got next to nothing out of it. I don't buy into the modern zoomer belief that ghosting your "friends" is morally acceptable. To me it's not and I won't compromise my standing on that. I'm not expecting people to get back in touch right away when I contact them or be available constantly, I'm not a neurotic BPD girlfriend, but I can't even count on both hands the number of people who I was supposedly good friends with, who totally vanished from my life and when I contacted them online or whatever, just ignored me, because it's WAY more than ten. I'm sick of people calling me needy because I want to interact socially with people more than once a week. I get social interaction than someone in prison for serial murder.
I'll concede that you're right about this. And I'm keenly self-aware of my negative thinking patterns. At the same time, I find it incredibly hard to believe that people who regularly spend time with friends or lovers, who are able to go out and do things without being almost completely overwhelmed by anxiety, are somehow more bored of their lives than me. If they then I'm truly, honestly sorry for them. I don't like wallowing in self pity, right now I appreciate I sound like a word I'd get banned for actually writing, but it's just how I feel at the moment.
You're absolutely right of course, I'm not denying that. But honestly I've been like this for more than a decade and it's getting worse all the time. The times I don't feel like this feel like flukes and every time the flukes fade and the boredom comes back it's a little worse and lasts a little longer. I distinctly recall being above day 300 back in 2018-2019 and not really feeling all that much better. And it's gotten worse since then, despite me being clean significantly more than I'm not.
I'm a Christian, albeit not a particularly devout one. I pray every day and try to stay connected to God throughout my day, stopping and asking for help when I struggle. It genuinely does work for me, but I'm still struggling so much. Thank you for the advice.
This is absolutely part of the issue for me too. Social media has made me less connected to people, not more. I actually feel like it's turning me into a lunatic slowly over time. I'm good online friends with people from all over the world but in real life I'm a complete mess. I just want real people to know and interact with. I crave intimacy, ANY kind of intimacy. But when I live in an area where I can't leave the house without running into a smackhead or a schizo looking for a fight, it makes me not want to. I genuinely wish I could go live in a cottage somewhere and unplug but for reasons that aren't exactly relevant right now I can't and am stuck.
I totally understand what you are saying. Have you ever looked into attachment styles? I know the look at yourself advice gets tiring here. But your description here made me think of my attachment style and how I feel often. Check out ambivalent/anxious attachment styles and see if you relate at all. This may not really help that much. But it's really interesting how these things affect how we relate with others. It had a calming effect for me when I realized some of the relationships lost have more to do with that than anything else. Understanding why we are how we are can be very mentally engaging as well.
When I say that I write, I mean that I write novels. Since 2020 I've written 5 and am looking into getting the better ones published. I'm writing a sixth. And I'm not talking short little novellas, most of them are extremely long and complex. This actually takes up the majority of my time, because even when not actually working, I'm nearly always thinking about it. Point is, that's the only thing I consistently enjoy. Well that and reading, which I guess is directly tied into writing because I can find value even in a book I hate because it informs my own work. Nothing else appeals for enough of a length of time, believe me I've tried. The things I haven't tried will be because of a lack of money. I can't afford to potentially waste money on something that doesn't stick because there's not enough of it to go around. Like I said to Semtex I'm genuinely worried that if I stopped being able to enjoy writing anymore, or was not able to ultimately make a living from it, that would break me. Break me in a way that I don't think I'd recover from it. Where my mind goes when I contemplate that very real possibility frightens me. Like I said to the other guy, you're right. I by no means have the shittiest life ever, I'm not even in the top several billion. Rationally I know my life isn't so bad as I make it out to be- but I still feel like shit. Every day I push forward and I don't let this mindset stop me from doing things and being productive, but yet I never feel any better. I've gotten so used to feeling like this it doesn't really even register as me feeling bad anymore, it's just me. And I hate that. I was so much better even just 5 years ago. I hated my university but I had friends, I was healthy, I had direction in my life beyond "Keep writing till something sticks" and I felt a lot less negative in general. Since then life has repeatedly kicked me in the face and I keep getting up but for how much longer can I keep doing that? Thank you so much for the long response.
So are you able to connect with the friends you had a few years ago? Many SA groups get together outside meetings to catch up and chat about whatever, not usually meeting type stuff.
I think I already know what you're referring to. I definitely get anxious about these things. And yes, some relationships I know I've spoiled myself. Some because I openly cut the person out, or they ghosted me because I was very rude to them and they rightfully got sick of me. I acknowledge these decisions on my part. I've been a shitty person in the past. But then you have all the other times where I genuinely did absolutely nothing wrong, and yet still got treated like dirt by people I've known for years. I send a text message, they see it and don't reply, I think nothing of it. They'll get back to me later, right? Three years pass and they are just gone. This has happened multiple times. People I know irl, whose house I could show up to tomorrow if I wanted to, lying about what they are doing to get out of seeing me? That hurts. I'd rather just be told to fuck off. The constant excuses they make when they do resurface, the constant promises they won't do it again, and then they do it again. I wish they'd just leave me the fuck alone at this point. Am I really that bad a person that I don't deserve more than one person I talk to once a week? What have I done to deserve this? I'm supposed to just accept that every person I will ever know will eventually leave me, often for no reason? Humans are pack animals, and I'm always on the outside, looking in. I'm tired of it. I have friends in American, Europe, the Middle East, I don't even know their names, yet when I talk to them, they are my friends. I know NO ONE like that in person.
No. I just explained this to warfman so you won't have seen it, but some friends I've driven away, some I've cut out, and the majority just decided to start ignoring me for literally no reason I can think of. I won't go back to them, hat in my hand, begging like a dog for a scrap of friendship. I may not have many things but I have my pride.
Well this may sound harsh, but do you want to have your pride and no friendships, or swallow that pride and possibly get some friendships? If you pick pride over talking to old friends that may have been lost due to time, rumors other people spread, or just miscommunication, that just remember that it was a decision you made. Either way, SA would almost surely provide help with both loneliness and boredom.
Totally understand what your saying. I highly suggest looking into attachment styles and doing some self reflection on this. I've heard it said that often ambivalent attached people can often drive people away. Especially if they are avoidant attached. You might find a lot of answers going through some of this. I really liked Adam Young's podcast "The Place We Find Ourselves". It touches on attachment in the first season. The truth is there are friendships that are going to end and I'm sure you know that. But there are things that we can do to have good relationships. And there's also truth to that you're saying about social media and technology making it harder. But I still beleive it's possible. I think we are relationship driven beings, we need that, it may not be on the same level of needs as food and water but it is a really important need. Because of this I think it's important to take care of that need the best we can. Understanding ourselves and others will definitely help.
Why don't you take a visit to the local parish. A lot of boredom can stem from isolation and if your feeling isolated the church could provide you a community. Though this isn't a good reason to go to church. I have a friend who found his wife through the church.
I get what you're saying and of course you are correct, if someone had friends or lovers and didn't deal with crippling anxiety, then they may not struggle with boredom as much as I do, but who are "they" and why should I compare my life with them? Also, I don't think you're a whiner. I think you're stressed and want to vent about something you usually just deal with silently. I have those days as well. Another thing I have been thinking about is volunteering, as I think boredom thrives off having a preoccupation with yourself. Sometimes getting out and helping others, carrying their burdens, lightens your own.
Maybe a better word than pride would be self-respect. Regardless, I don't see the point in trying to renew communications with people who, as I already explained to someone else, I gave up on literally because they ignored me. Oftentimes I would wait a while, then try again, and still get ignored. Wait some more, try again, then get ignored a third time. I should make it very clear I have NEVER done this to someone else. Even the people I cut out, I did so because I believed they wronged me, AFTER all attempts to salvage the relationship failed. I'm sick of being friends with people who put no effort in whatsoever, and frankly I would rather be alone than deal with people like that.
I will look more deeply into this topic and post about it when I do. I vaguely remember looking into before but it's been a while I think. I can completely appreciate that friendships end. That's normal and I get it. But I do seem to have it worse than others and I can't seem to figure out why. What friends I do have, online or otherwise, don't understand it either.
Yeah I'm absolutely isolated. Over time it's turning me into Travis Bickle. I'm not yet about to murder Harvey Keitel though lmao. Good advice, thanks.
