Initially upon reading this I truly couldn’t believe it but I’m glad you decided to share this. I feel the exact same way. This is something that has been with me basically my whole life. I am 20 years old now. It’s scary and I thought I was the only one in the world who had these feelings and thoughts. With me whenever I decide to masturbate I switch from good me to bad me. I’ve only ever experienced just these two versions of myself through masturbation.
I am just the same as you .. What I do I challenge this certain personality type I am into to do something that in the traits of another personality... Like if I am in a certain personality that keeps talking and procrastinating I push myself to do the work ... If I am in a personality that is shy and introvert.. I try to force my self Overall, you are the very first person to whom I can relate.. you can't imagine how I am so happy and gald that I found your post
It kind of happened to me or i Just believe it happened, yeah but after mastrubating i sometimes become confident, miser or a normie.
When I first read this I was so relieved that other people were going through the same things as me, because to everyone else it's completely ridiculous. Additionally to you, my memory becomes really cloudy, and when I wake up the next day, I can barely remember what happened the day before. Honestly, this is eating me up from the inside, knowing that I'll never always be the same person, and that in one day my attitude, mood and the way I act could completely change. I'm also afraid to tell my parents as I'm not sure what they'll think and if they'd even take me seriously or not, same goes with my friends. It also doesn't help as I have big exams coming up, and struggle to remember important information. I'll tell myself that It's stupid and that it's all in my head and just a placebo effect, but nothing works to fix it. I just want to be the same person all the time, and not have to worry about being different after masturbating. Has anybody found a solution to fix this?
Over the last few years, I have noticed how it worsens my mental state. Even just letting one go, I get hit with severe regret, remorse and the incessant whining of "nobody will ever love me. Someone please fuck me". It has become incredibly toxic towards other people, and I just know my emotionless face with no eye contact makes people think I'm a monster. During my 3 month long streak, I noticed I was a lot more cheerful and hardly ever depressed
