...Hopefully im back to my thread, the addiction kept me hostage. 7:30a.m got up,cooked breakfast,then went to class but first i stopped off and got some flash cards due to the fact im running low in my current stack.The college i go to can be done completely online except the exams must be in person, but i prefer to be in class,because it's not wise for me to be at home everyday ,all day. 2:00p.m i went to the gym, Im trying to make it a routine,so far ,all good. i have ADHD so sitting at a desk for certain hours can really get to me, but i did some research and they claim early mornings if i do mental work , my ADHD brain wont be so intense. i paid some attention to my ADHD this mornig as i felt a little tired, i don't know if its a placibo effect or not, but i actually got some hardcore studying done this early morning, my experiment shall continue with these early mornings. ....5:00 p.m i cooked dinner, then i headed here to the university to use their internet as I cancelled my internet/cable at home, because i just felt i wasnt productive enough in life,always on line indulging and other mindless indulgences. It's been a week like this, and I've done some reading and studying up on chess openings,even so, downloading recorded memorable chess games bobby fisher played and other chess masters is what i resorted to.I well play out their game on my chess board and stare at it as i think, "what was going in their heds when they made that move" I dont know, it's just exciting for me. I would really like to try a chess tournament, but my skills are dull,which means i have some sharpening up to do. i like to download 1-2 too netflix series, "Queens Gambit" "Arcane" and also 'Cyber Punk".\ I couldn't sleep till 2.a.m last night,therefore only five hours is what im running off today,moreover it isn't too bad because my last job i woke up around 4:30 a.m even thou i was going to bed at 12 midnight,to some that might be silly.
day 5 ...i was up late studying, then th is morning i decided to sleep in because my college was experiencing wifi issues, in turn would resort me going to public library instead. The library opens at 10 a.m., i got here at 11 a.m. On the contrary, I think i well give meditation another go,as back in my past experiences ,my attempts at it were a success, but...I then started experiencing sleep paralysis during my sleep on those days, then again i was profusely an addict to the fapping might i undutifully add. ...I had a dream of intercourse with an attractive female,I hardly have those dreams, a threat to the ways of the sith order, i use the darkside of the force an elevate a ton block upwards then release onto this threatening dream, but anyways , may the darkside be with you, an chaotic times, close your eyes, that dark peace well remind you the darkside well always be with you
day 6 ...I decided to clean out some stuff and disgard it ,so that i won't have such a clutter in my place. I think my grandma passed away a week before her birthday which is the 8th then there's my birthday at the 10th,back in 2022. Anyways, i found the last birthday card she gave me, she wrote a great little message inside it that brought tears to my eyes and made me sad inside, she was the only family i had in my life,then theres my birthday card from my birthday just this last june, 2023. It was a female friend whom i also hold dear to my heart, she too wrote a heart warming message in the card of what a great guy Iam and that she was happy she met me.On the other hand, she actually moved to new york last month sometime, she wants a change for the better and i support that. I miss her too, hopefully soon we'll see each other again,when she visits her mother which lives in my area here . ...I stayed up till 4:00a.m watching "Django Unchained" and it was actually entertaining, i needed feel bad for staying up watching it at all, plus i did not relapse, leaving me in a great mood when i woke up at 12 in the afternoon.All i did today was clean up my place, sort some things, and got rid of some clutter.I decided to go to the forrest part near where i live to do some meditation, i found a nice quiet spot under an camp shelter thingy, with picnic tables under it, i sat on picnic table and meditated for some moments, as nearby a group of religious poeple where doing a sermon, or what ever you want to call it, afterwards they packed up then all stared heading towards me, i took that as a clue to skip out and go home.Soon as i got home i cleared up a vacant bedroom in my place for the purpose of turning it into my sith meditation room, as i was meditating, someones car alarm kept going off for about 10 minutes, it baffled me, what could be going on as the owner turned off car alarm then it goes off again, turns it off then alarm goes off again.I don't know, none the less, i meditated through it. You are no more powerful than you make yourself, if you see yourself as having weakness, you are simply increasing the problem.It's a self fulfilling prophecy. "Sith Proverb"
...Day 9 of no pmo__It's week two of no cable/internet in my household, so what do i do with all this avalaible time?Mostly school work, reading, studying chess disciplines, and meditation. I do candle light mediatations with sometimes sith type music. I live on the fourth floor of my building and we are next to a huge forrest area. I have candles and i realized when they are light i feel like im in draculas castle, i stand on the becony at night then i see and hear bats just outside there, i feel like dracula in a castle. __Anyways' i recieved great news, seeing there well be a career fair in my city this month and next month, my instructor told me i can still talk to them an see if they would take me on even thou i havent reached my diploma yet, well i well eventually have it before this summer is over, on the side note, if they hire me on while im working towards completing my diploma that would be a maajor win. The careers with mainly aim at office jobs ,as oppose to the jobs i always had which were always labour jobs, i grew up on the country side setting,so morning labor was a regular for me as a kid, I ve have my fill with labor work. My older brothers been in the trades and as they got older they both switched to office jobs, office type stuff, id just be doing it earlier. __I really like this college im in. Im thinking even after i get a job i well take more courses in the business admin area, I.T. stuff. My biggest struggle is ADHD, ive researched a lot about it in hopes to handle my situations and ive picked up a lot of helpful tricks that help me, as in early mornings can put a damper on my adhd causing me to focus on important things, in turn i ve started getting up earlier when i didnt have to, and it actually helps me.
Day 10 of no PMO__Im looking at my gas usage and my disaplines for gas consumption is out the window, so Iam taking corrective messures of just shopping where i can walk to and start walking to school,now that well save me mula quite considerably. Besides that, I have more great news, well a couple nights ago i was going through my past college books ive completed, they are like 2-2 1/2 inches thick each and theres like 12 of them. For some reason i believed there was a final-final exam where i need to take a test dealing with all those books combined.It gave me aniexty that night, thinking about that. I talked with one of my instrutors about that, and they replied no-no-no , youve done all the exams, and this last book im on i do that exam then they help with some kind of resume , cover letter excercises or something, they give me my diploma,then thats the show folks. There is a career fair coming to my city this month and then another one next month which im so excited about. Things are looking up and I couldnt possibly see such a thing taking place in my life. __Meanwhile im sitting here using the public library wifi to write this and handly me online things, Iam actually getting hunger, as i didnt not have my dinner yet. untill later nofap-cosmonauts ananta signing off
_It would be day 17,but unfortunately last night around 10pm i M'd til i O'd, i was watching a vampire cop series and there was a female on there, she just wore causual shirt and fitting jeans.I see situations are getting serious when that happens, then i relapsed today around 5 p.m in the shower after i returned from the gym. There is a female that frequents there on the odd days of my schdule and i cant stop glimpsing at her, shes so beautiful. I held the mental image of her in my head til i got home then i released my seminal fluids again. I cant fall into a relapse cycle again, possibly i well need to hit the gym early for awhile when the gym is emtpy and pay attention to the movies i watched. tonight im going to watch morbius then a cop action movie with bruce willis. i can trust those movies wont have females pop up with tight fitting clothing or anything. I need to pay attention to limiting myself to certain motion picture productions. I need to get home im actually downtown usng public internet for this , and to return movies on loan therefore taking these new ones out on a loan also, its no block buster but it has the feels. well return on later date nofap-cosmonaughts ananta signing off
Day 1 of no pmo_My place which is a place of no internet nor cable, I like to think of as my monastery. I eat,read,write ,sing or mediate to get through my days. My favorite is the candle light meditations, for i beleive there's spirits around us, trying to syphon our energies, what ever we focus on, our energies well occupy it, so if i focus on a candle light i beleived once the spirits think they can occupy the candle light the flame well disapate them,they well learn to just stay away from me. The internet feels like a vortex to our energies, limiting self to it feels wise, when i see people walking around ,sitting around staring at their phones, i feel a dread for them. I hope one day they find the light like we have. until later nofap cosmonaughts ananta signing off
Day 2 no PMO_I had a great sleep last night, then i woke up at 9 a.m which isnt to bad seeing i have today and tomorrow off. I'm currently at library trying to focus on school work but my ADHD is unbelievable when im fully awake an full of energy, so i need to focus enough to do some decent school work today. On my lunch break i decided to walk to the sub shop over here, i ordered a tuna sub, but when i was there of course a beatiful female was in line infront of me, short white see through shirt with a bloack bra that all can obviously see ,paired with white short-shorts, my little soilder saluteed strong an fierce, i kept pulling my shirt down as so no one would she the emabrassing situation i was in. We looked eyes for a moment, like couple seconds but i felt like a couple minutes, so beatiful she was. i couldnt help it, my eyes went straight to all her body areas, my heart wouldnt stop beating fast. fluckily she bought her sub then left, gave me opportunity to finially settle down,then i realized i was mildy wet in my pants, pre seminal fluids of course. I ate my sub then finally made it back to the library, i headed to the enterance then as i was appraoching a the door another female was walking so close behind me, she was wearing spandex pants, i thought oh no what now, she was following so close, i opened the door ,as i entered i peered behind an we locked eyes, she looked so mesmerized by me, i get this feeling inside my chest area when females lock eyes with me, its like a pulsating sun ready to burst like a supernova but a good euphoric explosion.(i need to snap out of the spell thou, its trying to lure me out of the darkside, i need to be complete celebate) well return on later date nofap-cosmonaughts ananta signing off
Hello yeah, it's been over almost a year since my last entry, it's just that I felt I just wasn't making my perfect freaks enough in order for me to return back to my Sith order that I've created here, but I've been putting on some good streaks. Say I put on 20 days straight no pmo and then I would like relapse for like 3 days 2 days of relapse but you know what I'm back on my streets again I'll go like 2 weeks possibly I will go three weeks last month I went a full month, I noticed that when I relapse everything is feels like a nightmare traffic becomes more aggressive and people I work with will be I feel they are picking on me or giving me a hard time. Funny thing, the co-workers I get along with will just not notice me like they won't talk to me they're just in there like they're on automatic or something but that's only when the day after I relapse or the day as I relapse these strange things will occur, I have time how long it takes to get back on a normal, usually it takes 24 hours but sooner it'll take me like 18 hours till things start looking better, for instance, yesterday I relapse that 5:00 p.m. so add 18 hours to that just in that window after 18 hours a coworker finally comes up to me gives me a hug asks me how I'm doing if I'm okay I say I tell her yeah I'm okay just having an off day today it feels like there's a cloud hovering above me and I'm just waiting for it to go away she says yeah we get those days a lot, but it's just strange that's the approaches me 18 hours after but before those 18 hours he's like in her own world she's like an autopilot or something, I don't want to say it but like a shell some people are like shells and then after 18 hours it's like their Spirit goes back into their shell and they're like oh hey how are you doing but anyway that's my strange day for today signing off
I sense you well make a great Sith,this week's practice well be mediations You well need: Candle Dark quiet room Search for "dark Sith meditation music" Adjust yourself into any meditation position as you wish Start off with 15 mins, don't hold onto any thoughts nor emotions ,just stare at the candle an let the music rumble the dark side inside leak out ,
When a urge comes along like a pesty Jedi who wants to ruin your plans, remain calm,close your eyes till you see black nothingness,this well help you realize the dark side has always been there for us, relax just breath ,it we'll leave
Currently, I am in the process of searching for a place to live. However, due to my current employment as a part-time restaurant worker, my monthly income is approximately $2,000. In light of this, I am seeking a living space within the range of $1250 to $1400 per month. It is important to note that the minimum wage on the west coast of Canada is $17 per hour. While I am seeking new career opportunities with my recently completed college education, I have yet to actively search for a job in my field of study. Currently, my efforts are focused on exploring different career paths while also actively searching for a more affordable rental option. In order to catch up on the money spent during my educational journey, I am reaching out to the universe or to God, expressing my wish that everything will unfold in the perfect manner as intended. I have legitimate rental ads that I will contact later, and I plan to explain my situation in a personal letter. I am hopeful that I will be able to find a compassionate and understanding landlord who will consider my situation. In conclusion, I am seeking a lower rent place in order to alleviate financial strain and focus more on exploring career opportunities with my college education. I am hopeful that the universe or God will guide me towards the perfect solution, allowing me to navigate this transition period smoothly. Sith apprentice signing off
Day zero back to young sky walker level ,stranded on planet Tatooine again fixing old criusers to race. Females are giving me a hard time today, people's attitudes change in a instant when I relapse,in a negative fashion
