The Most Important New Years Resolution I've Ever Made

Thank you man, this really cheered me up. I intend to do just that. I will do just that. ;-)

 

In all the books I've read, TV shows I've watched, and movies I've seen, Gollum is my favorite character. He's a more interesting version of two-face. Plus, all that inner conflict seems appropriate for a PMO battle.

Why Gaston, @Gaston?

 

You know I've had the Gaston song on my iPod for the last few years. Along with some other Disney classics

 

Yes - I applied to 20 schools, and this is only one of them, but I have been getting rejections from a bunch recently, so it was a bit tough to swallow. But I totally agree that in the long run - I will definitely grow from this.

As for the 6 part-post, I did take a break. My motivation and spirits have dipped a bit and I also need to be focusing on preparing for the one interview I do have. Thanks for asking, but I will be posting them shortly!

 

How's this for a quote: It's never too late to live your life to the fullest, but it's always too late to postpone living your life to the fullest.

 

My 17th Day

Emotionally I've been a bit up and down the last day or two. The rejection, great socializing with friends, stress about my interview, completely reorganizing my room (which makes me strangely ecstatic), a great interview practice session, etc. I have been a bit negligent in posting on NoFap, but that's because I'm busy in a positive way. I look forward to finishing the 6 part post and to begin my daily habits towards a lifetime of NoFap success.

 

My 18th Day

Had the most amazing night last night. Saw friends I haven't seen in ages. Saw this girl I've had a crush on in the past and she was giving me amazing, positive vibes. I rekindled three old friendships that I know I will maintain. I found two friends who will run the half marathon with me (with a goal time of 1:40 instead of what I was originally planning: a 1:55!). Also, I was super social while sober (by sober, I mean not drunk). That's gotta be a first for me. The whole night (~7 hours) I drank only 4 drinks, opposed to my usual 8+ drinks. I laughed the whole night. I had a great time.

For some reason, I always get sad the day after a great night out. It might be the after effects of alcohol (regardless if I'm hungover or not) but I think it's also the feeling of, "That great time is now over..." But as I write this, I realize this is nothing but a positive memory, which I get to keep forever (and try to make more of).

 

Part 5: Combatting the 40 Day Slump​

I recently posted something in response to @Machin 's journal that I really liked. He made a commitment to DO something every day (opposed to thinking about doing things). I feel this is a great life tip and a super important for us on NoFap. I said in response to Machin:

I feel there's a lot of us here that can easily get a streak going, can easily make it last a while, but have a lot of difficulty making that last step: transitioning into your everyday lifestyle.

I think I know the secret to combating this. It stems from living in the present and committing to small everyday habits.

I know this is super important for me because I've made 3 long streaks before (90, 120, 40 days, and if you count my current one, ~19 days). And all 3 times, something changed around 40 days.
The first time, at 40 days, I started cheating with porn substitutes DAILY and not admitting it to myself.
The second time, at 40 days, I went from hard mode to allowing MO - which I then did nearly daily.
The third time, at ~35 days, I succumbed to a relapse because I was surrounding myself with triggers from Game of Thrones.

But none of those times did I commit to a daily routine that would combat this slump. So far I can only think of two things that I am willing to commit to daily.

1. Reading this 6 part post EVERY DAY
   1. To reaffirm my goals
   2. To reaffirm why I am quitting
   3. To allow myself to measure my progress
   4. To force myself to login to NoFap.com everyday
   5. To allow myself to edit the posts as necessary.
2. Complete one workshop a day from Recovery Nation
   1. I haven't started this and don't know what it's like, but I will start it sometime this week.

I only include two things because I don't want to tell myself to commit >1 hour everyday because that seems excessive and will become too tempting to just skip.

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This is part 5 of 6. I intend to post the last part on my journal and then put them all together in one post. Here's what I will post in the next 1 day along with my regular journal entries:

1. A complete list of reasons why I quit porn
2. An honest list of reasons why I want to watch porn
3. A complete list of goals I wish to accomplish by May 2016
4. A compiled list of:
   1. My personal emergency tools (the best articles/videos to read when fighting urges)
   2. My personal collaboration of the best sources for educating me (and to recommend others)
5. A precise plan how to combat the 40 day slump - what I will force myself to do everyday? I will rely on habit not willpower.
6. A complete list of triggers and a SPECIFIC way of combating of every one of them.

 

Watched The Big Short last night - there was some nudity, but I was able to look away instinctively. It was tough because I needed to read the closed captions because I don't hear movies that well, but it wasn't as difficult to look away as I anticipated.

 

Part 6: Triggers and How to Combat Them​

Triggers and How I will combat them

• I'm bored
  • Do something productive that will make me happy
• Hand in my pants (for warmth)
  • Will stop putting my hands in my pants
• Nudity/sexiness on movie/TV show (where I have the ability to rewind and rewatch)
  • Keep watching as if nothing happened
  • If having an urge to rewatch:
    • Stop film/show
    • Remind myself that it is just digital and I have nothing to gain from rewatching
      • The ONLY possible positive to gain is satiating my curiosity
      • Am I going to fucking succumb to curiosity?
    • Refer to my emergency tools if necessary
    • Delete the episode/movie as soon as finished watching (I've rewatched nude scenes as a porn substitute in the past)
• Alone in the apartment
  • Do something productive that will make me happy
• Porn scene pops into my head
  • Don't let the next thought be about porn
  • If struggling, imagine the woman as a shriveled-up burnt corpse
• Rock hard erection
  • COMME des FUCKDOWN; it's just a boner
  • Meditate

That's it! I finished my 6 parts. I will revise and edit this in the next few days - maybe look at @Machin's journal and add another part to this post that he has in his journal. In a week or so, I'll combine them all into one post so others can be inspired to start the same thing and so that I can refer to it on a daily basis.

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This is part 6 of 6. Here are the other posts I have written already:

1. A complete list of reasons why I quit porn
2. An honest list of reasons why I want to watch porn
3. A complete list of goals I wish to accomplish by May 2016
4. A compiled list of:
   1. My personal emergency tools (the best articles/videos to read when fighting urges)
   2. My personal collaboration of the best sources for educating me (and to recommend others)
5. A precise plan how to combat the 40 day slump - what I will force myself to do everyday? I will rely on habit not willpower.
6. A complete list of triggers and a SPECIFIC way of combating of every one of them.

 

My 19th Day

Completely cleaned my apartment. Ran. Biked. Had a fucking amazing swimming session. Swam the longest I have so far and felt I could have easily kept going. My heart rate was not too high and I was also swimming faster than usual. I was am so happy. I'm grateful my triathlon training workout routine is shaping towards a full-fledged schedule that I wanted it to be by the end of January.

Found this absolutely large, beautiful painting (3 feet by 4 feet) near the dumpster so I took it up and now I love seeing it when I walk in.

Read for about 2 hours today - I love soaking it all up.

I have so many reasons to be happy. Every time I talk about those things on this journal, it overwhelms me with even more happiness. I'm only realizing now the direct reward I get for keeping a (positive journal).

Upon re-reading this, I also realized I didn't include anything about PMO (didn't occur to me). That's great news. This journal is about how I'm improving my life, not solely about quitting PMO. Now that I brought up PMO, I also feel great that I finished my 6-part post.

Life is amazing. I'm pumped.

 

I'm huge on having a routine. I'm still not doing everything I want to be including in my routine (writing things I'm thankful for, meditating or at least learning more about it, etc) but reading and exercise are pretty well ingrained in my routine. Don't think of planning one day at a time, but planning what you want to include in your routine. As you said yourself in your journal, the "morning routine" is the best because your cue is waking up and if you can train yourself to do XYZ just from waking up, that's something that will stick everyday.

I think awareness of the 40 day slump is a good start. But I believe having great habits in motion by the time 40 days comes around is a big way to keep the momentum going. In the past, It would sometimes feel like I wasn't really getting any feedback on my journal, so it felt like talking to a wall. That's possibly what triggered that particular 40 day slump. But regardless, this time around, by continually educating myself with Recovery Nation, I know I will stay motivated throughout the whole journey.

I recommend you make one for yourself! @Machin has done it himself as well (recommend you read his journal as well, as it's even more thorough than mine.)

 

My 20th Day

Great swim again. I was annoyed at what I had to do for work today, so it was hard to stay positive. Then, that girl I've been crushing on stopped by! She knew I was there and just wanted to talk - she'll be (sorta) working for me as of next week, so I'll get to see her regularly. I feel I should stop talking about girls I have crushes on because it adds this pressure and makes every interaction a bigger deal than it is. I was a touch nervous talking to her but purely because I've thought about her (and talked about her) WAAAY too much. Whatever... I'm pretty fucking happy.