Many of my problems are common but some possibly unique to my situation. It would be nice to hear from people with a story like mine that have recovered. Spoiler: My problems and some sexual details So I lost my virginity at 41 and lost my erection in my first sexual encounter, I think nerves/anxiety definitely played a role here too. I had phimosis (tight foreskin) and wasn’t able retract my foreskin at that time. I performed oral sex and then went to get a condom and lost it as I was putting it on and couldn’t get it back. That affected me quite a bit and I failed a few more times till I got some of the medication that starts with a C. They were 20mg tablets that I split into 4 pieces so my dosage was roughly 5mg every 2-3 days. Sex was fine after I started taking the C. I do remember one of the final times we had sex and I never took any C and was able to stay hard the whole time. I’ve recently started a new relationship. Now my foreskin retracts like it’s supposed to and any sex I have these days are with my foreskin retracted. The first time we had sex I lost my erection again, I don’t think she realised and I just performed oral sex on her for about 30 minutes. For the next 2 to 3 days we’ve been having normal sex because I’ve resorted to taking the 5 mg of C again. I got a bit overconfident and tried to have sex last night without taking the C and although I got my erection, I lost it midway through the session. I’ve told her what I think the problem is and sent her an article to read and she seems sympathetic. But when I did lose my erection, I had the same sense of dread as I did before and felt like a little boy apologising for doing something wrong. It's actually got a lot better recently and I don't take the C any more. My dick isn't as hard but I can go 10-15 minutes before I lose my erection. I can get it back if I suck on her toes and touch myself but I guess that's a huge no-no? I know it’s not possible to 100% know what’s causing this but there are a few things that are probably contributing to it. Spoiler: A list of possible causes [*]Low sensitivity in my glans - When I do have sex or receive a blowjob it feels nice but nothing major. I think it’s the primary reason I’ve never cum from sex. [*]Too much masturbation - I’ve basically masturbated nearly everyday since my teens. Although the feeling is much better than the sex I feel like the visuals of the stuff I like (which isn’t very vanilla) contributes to being able to get over the line on my own [*]Masturbating dry - As previously mentioned I had phimosis for the majority of my life. I never used lube and just used the friction from my foreskin on my glans. I guess it's possible that my glans has gotten used to that specific feeling from only ever masturbating this way? [*]General hip problems - I have an anterior pelvic tilt and also had a sciatic problem in the past which is now gone. I notice when I do something like yoga my hips are always the most achey the next day. So I believe I have a muscle imbalance or something like that. [*]Anxiety - My natural disposition is that of a worrier so when I’ve had the performance problems, it definitely messes with my head. I really hope I can overcome this and although losing my erection is the major problem here, I’d really like to feel more pleasure and cum from sex one day. tldr: I lost my virginity at 41 and experienced erectile dysfunction which I think was due to a number of things I’ll detailed above. I managed the condition with C, allowing me to have successful sex without losing my erections. I’m currently in a new relationship and faced similar challenges but has gotten a bit better and stopped using C. It’s hard to know exactly but I think my problem is from one or a combination of low sensitivity, frequent masturbation, masturbation style, troublesome hip/pelvic area and anxiety. Any idea’s, advice or insights to help me overcome these problems would be amazing. Has anybody gone through something similar and come out the other side fixed? I just want to feel more pleasure!!!
Thanks for coming here and working on sobriety / living a life without PMO. Life is much better on the other side Please be aware that detailed anatomy and sexual scenarios are best to spoiler and/or give trigger warnings. It can be difficult for people to read this stuff. PIED (porn induced erectile dysfunction) is very common and a popular reason to join nofap. Yes, you can heal from it. Ask yourself this: "how many years / times have you beat your pp and rubbed off to fantasy pixel women?" "how many days / weeks / months / years have you not done the above, consecutively?" my guess is, youve been an addict for many years like the rest of us. If you want your pp to do the things you want, you gotta work on giving up this addiction. You will notice a lot of other benefits as well. I recommend watching this video: Good luck! and keep coming back (I post here each day and also have an AP)
Thanks for your reply. I've made some changes to the post. While I'm doing NoFap, can I still make love my gf?
About your low sensitivity and dry masturbation, I’m at the same level as you, masturbation seemed much enjoyable but sex doesn’t due to low sensitivity. The only difference is I’m 24 and you’re 42. But i really feel abstaining will heal this problem in some months and we will regain aur sensitivity and will be much confident in our normal as well as our sex life.
I came here to basically say what @Missionary_PIED already said. Abstaining should bring your sensitivity back to what it should be.
But abstaining from sex too? My relationship is pretty new so sex is quite important and I don't want to mess things up by taking it off the table.
I just had another read of your post, and there seems to be a number of potential things happening. Your inability to finish sounds like delayed ejaculation or DE. Where some people suffer from ejaculating quickly during sex (premature ejaculation), not ejaculating at all is known as delayed ejaculation. It is basically the inability to ejaculate despite receiving enough sexual stimulation. It can have a number of causes such as performance anxiety, stress, depression. Or it can be related to masturbation. So for example, having a specific type of stimuli while masturbating can create delayed ejaculation when it comes to real sex. I think the good news is that you have successfully been able to have sex recently, even if it has been with the "big C." But what I would say is that you seem to have a lot of anxiety floating around that could be playing a key role in everything. I would personally look at the anxiety and most of all cut-out all masturbation going forward (if you haven't already).
I lost my virginity when I was 34. However all the time I was with my fiance I would have trouble getting/keeping it up. Only could for Oral and even then rarely finished. I had no drive and even gagged once kissing her. I knew something was wrong. Went to a Urologist and found out my brain at an unusually early age stopped producing testosterone. Started taking shots. Years of that did not help. I started doing obsessive research and did every blood test possible. No luck. Then I learned about P.I.E.D. I went no PMO for 30 days. One morning I had to see if I made any progress. We had the best sex we had ever had. I could not believe the difference. I felt so much more. Before even with no condom I hardly felt anything even warming gel did nothing which shows you how screwed up the sensitivity was. Also I came for the first time with her. However I overdid things too early and started losing erections again. I'm now a year and a half into NoFap. Had a couple of relapses masturbation wise. Still have erection problems and flatlines, which I am currently in one. But that one morning proved that porn and masturbation was the culprit. We've had some very good sex between then and now, it's just a long recovery. Your lack of sensitivity is due to 2 things. One is frequent masturbation. The other is the damage PMOing did to the pleasure center of your brain. My advice is to abstain from PMO as long as you possibly can. Yes even Orgasm during regular sex is no recommended until at least 2 months in. If you do this I would be shocked if at least some of your sensitivity doesn't come back.
