Your living place and your congregation

I would like to bring up an issue I'm struggling with right now.

I received the offer of Jesus 20 years ago, and I lived in city A at that time.
That was not my birth city. That is village B.
I've had a strange life. For some reason I wanted to go back to my birth village at some time. Looking back it was not a wise decision at that time.
I had a lot of things from the past to process and to clean up, and I better did that process while living in city A where I had my own place.

I've moved back again after a few years from village B to city A. I should have been married there, but the relationship with my almost-wife was so toxic, while we didn't even see it. It didn't work out well.
We had to face the truth when i was moving houses. Late, but not too late.
I cancelled the ceremony and needed to swallow a huge loss. Later God showed me He wanted to protect me from a lot of misery.
I lived for some years in that new house before I needed to move again (because it was too expensive for me alone).
I doubted in that time: would I live in city A, or my birth village?
As I didn't know what I wanted, and I didn't see Gods guidance, I chose to go back to my own roots, so I chose to go back to my birth village again.

While living there, I worked crazy hard on my childhood issues and the PMO addiction decreased drastically. I've let go my parents emotionally, and now I'm finally free to live my own life as God guides it.

My mind is clearing up more and more and I'm now facing again the issue of "my place to live". Here in village B, I have a nice and cheap place to live, and I can do my business from it as well. But my congregation is still in city A.
And more and more, it doesn't feel alright for me.
It feels like I disobeyed the Lord when I moved to this place 10 years ago.
He never showed me this path. But due to PMO I was quite blinded in that time and probably we all know that we then can make weird decisions.

I wonder if I should move back to city A.
I wonder if I only make this an issue for myself (in my head) or can it really be an issue, that needs serious attention, and action?

Does anybody has experience on this area?
I'm actually scared that when I move back to city A again, that my experience will not be different and I will be disappointed. But somehow I know that when i move back, I reconnect with an earlier period in my life where God was very closeby. It seems I put myself on a certain distance by moving away out of city A.
So moving back will making me feel more complete in the Lord, so to speak.
Or in other words, it will humble me more, as I'm obeying the Lord (if that's the case).

 

What kind of Christian am I?
I think that's a good question to overthink for myself.

I do not agree that God only reveals His will through the Scriptures.
During the 20 years I have been a reborn Christian, God has guided me through His Holy Spirit, directly, in prayers, in dreams, through other people, and yes also through His Word.
Every time I fast, God showed me something directly to me.
Through His holy Spirit.
Actually we mean the same I think. The Holy Spirit and Jesus are the same person, and Jesus is the Word that has become flesh (John 1).

I agree with you that a Christian will grow mature, able to make mature decisions in life.
But the way you say it, sounds like God doesn't care any more when we grow mature.
I don't believe that. I'm sharing a serious sorrow I'm in for some years because I didn't wait for Gods guidance.
And now I should not wait for Gods guidance because I don't want to screw up my life further?
God is an intimate Being. He wants communion with His children, so, with me.
He wants me to know Him. He wants me to meet His heart. He shared in His scripture how much He wants to involved in the lives of His children. So why should He not want to be involved by the bigger decisions of life?

But oke, in your last sentence you actually confirm what I believe that is right:
"You ought to pray for wisdom and guidance. Then make a decision without a "sign" or "message" from God."

But when I pray for wisdom, God's promise is that He will provide in wisdo.
When I pray for guidance, I must have faith to receive guidance.
If I don't expect a sign or message, I should not have to pray at all.

Thanks for your response. I will take it with me.

At least it's helping to formulate my issue here. And to let other's reflect on it, what gives me other point of views.

 

I think I know what you mean.
Gods guidance always comes with a sense of happiness and inner peace.

For me it's not clear at this moment. But for sure the reason for that is the period of 8 months I'm coming from, that was full of processing stuff and turmoil.

I guess all will get more clear for me when I will do another period of fasting and praying.

 

You are right. It's not life or death.
But because my living place and the place where my congregation is located are not in the same city, for me it feels like I'm splitted up somehow. It feels I miss a lot of blessings because I'm not closeby my church. Or maybe: It feels I'm missing my goal somehow.
I'm not building a life here because somewhere in my mind is the idea:
I think I'm not gonna stay here (I'm living there for 10 years).
And in the city where my church is, I'm not building up very much, because I don't live there.

Maybe... probably I just need to make a firm decision here.
Will it be city B (where I live now)? Oke, say goodbye to my current church, find a new one, and go for it.
WIll it be city A (where my church is, and where I have lived in the past)?
Oke, find another house in that city, and go for it.

I have to say:
During the 10 years I worked through my childhood issues.
And that led me to a life without the sexual sins I did in the past.
As long as I sinned, I was so bound, I could not think about moving back to city A. As failure and misery was my part (after sinning sexually).

Now my spirit is becoming more free, I feel space to overthink this issue again.

And - good question - what is holding me back?

Confusion? (Help, I don't know it any more)
Indifference? (Who cares where I live, my life is already screwed up)
Fear to let my family go? (I let them go indeed during the proces).
Laziness?
Fear for what will come? (and lean on the "securities" I have now)
Fear for becoming lonely? (I ám already alone, but with God at my side).
Shame? (People will gonna see how my life really is)

Thanks. It's nice to work this a bit more out this way.