"You have a Problem"

"You have a Problem."

This is a statement that I've heard everywhere. Reality television. Underdog stories. Rock bottom stories. I've heard a lot of people say it to other people. Usually when they're laying spread eagle on the coffee table, surrounded by their vice of choice.

Rarely is real life so obvious. In fact, it's so subtle, that I even said it about myself, and still continued to do it. It wasn't until my wife of three years said, "You have a Problem.", that I realized that I had walked headlong into uncharted territory. I didn't react one way or the other. We eventually got to a "normal" within the span of an hour. I said my "I love yous" and went to work.

How's that for subtle? She basically said that I hurt her, and we acted like it didn't even happen for an entire hour. The thing is, I know that it isn't normal. I knew it long before I even met her. I've been addicted to porn even before I hit middle school, when I found my step dad's porn stash and discovered masturbation. It wasn't until now that I realize that I have been breaking everything. My sex drive, my motivation to do anything I've ever wanted to do, and more importantly, my relationship with my wife.

So. The question is...what now? Now that I truly know that I have been breaking the things I care about in life, where do I go?

I guess, this is my first stop.

 

Tired. I work graveyard, so I'm always tired. Unfortunately I always have my laptop since it isn't a very complicated job.

Strategies I've employed are site blockers (with randomized passwords I don't know), keyword filters, and I'm looking into mindfulness exercises. My wife suggested finding a hobby, which is likely going to be a long term thing.

Thanks for the welcome. What strategies do you employ?