I'm 12 days into a 45 day no PMO challenge and up until Thursday everything was going smoothly; I've encrypted my porn so I couldn't easily access it, I've found other uses for my downtime to limit the amount of time i spent on the internet, also enabled my antivirus' parental control function to limit my access to adult material online I've restarted my fitness plan and started spending more time with my little sister. This should work, right? Well it turns out it wasn't enough. On Thursday afternoon a website I was in for work opened a pop-up that rook me to the Playboy TV site. I know I should have closed it immediately, but for some reason I didn't, I lingered and only closed it not through strength of character but because I remembered that my employer monitors our internet traffic. That night I somehow found myself on Tumblr and promptly went down that rabbit-hole. Long story short I've violated the no porn rule. I managed to keep my hands off myself but it took every ounce of strength in me to do so, I stayed off my usual hardcore pornsites somehow convincing myself that softcore porn was fine. This is not easy; I'm just now realising how wired I was to normalise porn and masturbation. I may want to quit now but acres of that old circuitry remain. I'm confident I can beat this because I've already beaten drugs in my life (clean since October 2012). I'm sitting in my sister's car right now hiding from myself because for all the changes and advances I've made; self-policing is still something I'm not totally confident I can do with much reasonable success. But I have to do it because there's noone there to do it for me when my urge to check out Reality Kings gets to be overwhelming, there's nowhere to run at 10:43pm when I'm getting ready for bed and suddenly feel like I might be missing something on Tumblr and there's definitely no place to hide from what's going on in my own head and from the intense cry for relief from my body right now. But, goddamn it, I'm going to try. Just to introduce myself: my name is Knightsbridge (not, really thats the name if the street I live on) I'm a 24 year-old guy, started masturbating at 13/14 thereabout. I've had a couple of girlfriends, nothing serious. This problem started when I was 19 and got my heart broken by a girl I was really serious about, fell into a slump that I tried to bring into control using alcohol, drugs, porn and masturbation. That didn't work. I'm still in that slump though I've successfully kicked the drugs and have cut my drinking down to less than a quarter of what it once was, porn is next and with it goes the masturbation.
