So, I have suffered from a porn addiction going back 20 years or so (39yo now). Last week my wife and mother of my child of 5 years let me know that she is unsure of her want to continue our marriage. For the first time, I actually WANT to quit porn. It has done nothing but hold me back and make me cold to the person I love the most. I have suffered from an anal fissure for the last 4 weeks which caused me to abstain from porn for physical reasons, and then last week my wife dropped the bombshell that she is unsure about her love for me right now. Suffice to say, this has been a ROUGH month to say the least. I am however excited about life without porn hanging over my head 24/7! Thank you all in advance for your encouragement and support!
I don't know what to tell you Fatsodumbo, except no pmo will make you a better person. Maybe your wife will love the new you. Good luck. Stay strong.
That's a great reason to quit. I too have spent a couple decades in that mindless PMO cloud and all I can say is get away from it as quickly as possible, starting right now. My wife barely has an inkling of what this battle is about because I only admitted to her that I have a problem with porn and masturbation. I didn't share with her the underlying feelings of inadequacy or that I was objectifying because I didn't want my problem to start affecting her in some way. PMO has far reaching consequences and it often takes many years to hit bottom. The good news is that there is a path back, but it's not easy. That's why the support is here.
Some clarification about my name. It is actually dubmo, not dumbo. It was the title of a "book" my stepson wrote for me and I thought it was funny and use it as all of my forum names, gamer tags etc... Just wanted to clarify because I could see how the name would imply that Im on a certain level of self loathing which I am not. Im neither fat nor dumb lol.
One year ago my wife threatened to move out and take our children with her. She also said she would tell everyone the reason why she moved out. That scared me straight. That was my rock bottom. That was my motivation to change. Now I've been clean for almost a year. Sometimes we need some that scares us and cuts through all our delusional thinking. I wish you success going forward.
Fatsodubmo, Thanks for sharing. Keep going. Your marriage is the most important thing in the world. Just remember, you need to learn how to see the body correctly, or this issue will always be a stumbling block. If you can't see the person for who they are, but instead as a collection of body parts, then you know that you're blind.
Thanks guys. We had our first marriage counceling session today. She's pretty far gone. Would really suck if it's too little too late, but above all I'm doing this for me first with the end result hopefully being the salvation of our marriage and unity of our family.
Fatsodubmo, if either one of you is willing to do anything necessary to save it, and there is no third party already involved, it can be saved. The bad news is that it won't be easy. It will not be the same relationship as before, but it can be a better one. It is worth whatever you have to do, and most everything you need to do, like giving up PMO, will make you a better person. If you have a young son, it is easy to imagine her fear of what you could expose him to. Her world has been rocked; she needs stability. You can do it, and you will enjoy the results
Really no better with the wife unfortunately. We're basically just cohabiting at the moment. Thanks for asking. She has put a very strong very tall wall up between us. I've got a good streak going at 11 days right now. I feel better physically than I have in a long time, and as a serious health/nutririon/fitness nutt, this means a lot to me. How are you doing?
My journey is going well but I have a sinus/ allergy cold and it is driving me crazy. The wall she has placed is for her emotional protection and only a strong version of you can take it down. I say a strong version because some parts of the wall may have to be removed brick by brick.
Let me tell you, get your gut healthy and your allergies will dissappear. Ceders used to kill me until I got my gut healthy and they vanished! Thank you for you inspirational words! If you want more info about gut health, let me know.
I am a bit curious about what you were thinking with your name, but what I am really curious about is the Dubmo book. How old was he?Does he do that often? I'm impressed; it sure beats playing video games and skateboarding.
@Fatsodubmo you are in a tough situation. My wife and I were heading to divorce and were basically just roommates for quite awhile. Then I found Nofap. It has taken a lot of time but we are in a better place now and our relationship is better as well. One of the tools that have helped us to communicate is FANOS. There is a link to it in my signature. Even if the two of you are unable to do this face to face at the moment, you could text it to each other to begin with. Hopefully, she would be open to doing this with you. Another thing that is most likely to happen as the two of you start to communicate more, is that she is going to have a lot of emotions. Let her, and encourage her to express them. Ride the wave so to speak. Be there for her and just listen. Allow her to get it all out. This will happen over a long period of time. Be patient and remember to open yourself up to her as well. I am very happy that you have found Nofap. Not only will you notice changes with your wife, your child will notice a difference as well and you will see changes. Apply the same thing with your child. Your child may express their feelings as well. It may be a different way but let your child express them as well. I really hope and pray for the best for you and that your family is able to heal from this. Don't be fooled, it will be a long journey but one well worth it. Remember to be patient. If you haven't already start a journal and create some rules for your reboot along with some goals. Create a plan of action so when you are triggered you can enact it immediately without thinking. It can save precious seconds and help you to keep from relapsing. Even going to your wife right away and saying you are feeling triggered to look at porn and you don't want to. That may help you out as well. Involve her. Show her you really want to change. Thank you for sharing your story. We are here for you. Stay strong!
he was 7 years old. He used to make me these books usually about ninjas lol. My stepkids and daughter are all very artsy.
FANOS sounds great! I cant see your sig. Am I missing something? Thank you for your kind words and wisdom!
