Hi， Let us discuss about why rejection hurts when it happens in cold approach settings. Other settings like school or work for example, you have more time to kinda test her, feel the waters, observe her behavior around you, to avoid rejection, to calculate the risk etc. Because you will see her multiple times in the future, unlike cold approach setting, in most cases you will not see her again ever. Thing about cold approach, offcourse the rejection risk is high, you are a total stranger, I mean if a total stranger fattie female cold approach us men, how would we feel right ? One time at a gym, a fattie female kinda cold approached me, thing is because I am not into fatties I kinda acted cold, not impolite but I was kinda silent, ok maybe I should have been a bit more friendlier but I wasnt impolite really, so she left me alone. I am not used to being cold approached by females so I was feeling a bit not really comfortable and not really uncomfortable. So imagine if we men cold approached females, how would they feel right ? But females do get cold approached more I assume, more than the man, so I assume they should have more experience then us men. So when we are rejected by the female when we cold approach them, what does rejection even mean right ? If u ask her contact details and she doesnt want to, well shouldnt we just respect her preferences ? Maybe she is not into you, maybe she has a bf, is married etc, it is none of our business if she doesnt want to disclose the information. Maybe she does not know how to handle when men cold approach her. Maybe she just dont want to talk to strangers, introverts usually dont want to. Maybe she had a stressfull day, she is tired, she has problems in her private life, so she just doesnt want to talk, even we have days where we just want to be left alone and not talk to anyone. So u see, there could be many reasons why woman dont want to talk to strangers. When cold approaching know that the chances are usually low, we should be aware of this. Our attitude should always be not forcing, be polite, make her feel safe, if she doesnt want to talk leave her alone. Maybe we men should learn to cold approach in such a way that we make her feel safe, learn to read signals if she really wants to talk to you or not. I think minimal what you can do when cold approaching is , greet politely first, ask some innocent questions, be genuinely interested in her, read how she reacts, u can sometimes read if she wants to talk to u are not,if u know what I mean. If you read that she doesnt really want to open up to you, say goodbey politely. I suppose the indirect direct method seems the best. Somehow tell her that you think she is cute when talking to her, but do it in a way to not make her feel uncomfortabel, ok aint no expert, but have some ideas. For example, if u cold approach woman at the gym, u could ask, "so you are training to become even more cute/beautifull I see?", if you are cold approaching vietnamese, italian women, you could ask, "it seems all vietnamese, italian woman are cute/beautifull, what is their secret ?", ofcourse it is a no brainer that there are cute and non cute women in every group, but it is a way to tell her she is cute, so indirectly u have told her she is cute, without being direct. Learn to read signals, whether she is smiling etc, whether she really want to talk to you, open up to you, then cold approach shouldnt be so painfull, I suppose ? If you read the signals are positive (she smiles, she opens uo, she kinda want to talk to you) then ask her contact details.If you read negative signal leave her alone, say goodbey politely. At anytime we can leave the conversation, if for example we run out of things to say, "it was nice talking to u, I have to leave, have a nice day". If after a while for example after testing the waters and you read positive signals from her, do be direct and tell her you find her cute or beautifull, they say women want the man to say it to her, that is if she is into you too I suppose ? Just ranting and sharing some thoughts, aint no expert. Br, Nfp
In my opinion there are three main reasons why rejections hurts: 1. We have the fear, that after rejection of our crush, it is finally over. That's why man are waiting of better situation to come closer to the crush 2. Confirmation that we are unattractive and no one wants us. Here is an example from my professional life: An older single colleague had problems finding a new man. The other colleagues at work motivated her to actively approach the single men in our company. She was turned down by all of them. This massively hurt her self-confidence, although she showed the courage and actively approached the men. 3. Social Humiliation: The worst example I remember from school days. A classmate fell in love with a female classmate. He wrote her a love letter. She then showed it to the whole class and as a result he was laughed at and humiliated by everyone in the class. He ran home crying.
It's simple really: Rejection hurts for the same reason it hurts when you cold approach. It makes us feel unwanted and undesireable, and because you're allowing yourself to be publicly seen and judged, it bruises your ego. I personally wouldn't mind, actually. I actually find some large women attractive. For example, I thought Adele and Jennifer Hudson were both very attractive before they lost the weight. Martha Wash (Everybody Dance Now!) looked really good too. Your last sentence says it all. Sometimes, when we go for years (or even an entire lifetime) never experiencing something, it can come as a shock to our system when it finally happens, or we just don't know how to react do to lack of experience. Next time, if you see her again, just apologize and tell her you didn't mean to be rude. I try to make a new friend wherever I go, but it's up to you in the end. Maybe she just isn't attracted to the men doing it. Believe me, boyfriend or not, if she doesn't like how you look, don't expect friendliness. However, the bottom line is this: Unless you're extremely attractive (i.e. Zac Efron, Henry Cavill, etc), it's better that you don't cold approach at all. It's better to do as you said in the beginning of the post and focus on people you know and develop relations with them. As for romantic pursuits, given the role reversal of our modern world culturally speaking, maybe it's best to let the woman herself get your attention by making the first move. If she likes you that much, she'll find a way (in my experience).
