Really good points. Have you seen the backwards bicycle? It explains a lot about neuropathways and shows just how hard healing from an addiction is. It’s not about will power, it’s not about being a bad person, it’s about how you learned maladaptive coping mechanisms. That’s all addiction is. But addiction of any kind changes your brain matter, especially the grey matter. So recovery takes far more than just not doing it. I’d say being married in many ways makes it harder, because being married can be stressful.
I understand this. I'm not crazy for being hurt by the videos I've seen of my wife nor any other issue we have. The feelings of an addict and the addiction are not mutually exclusive and are often treated as such. the feelings are treated as if they are the same as the addiction and discarded as worthless. Which is often the reason for the addiction in the first place. This is in my opinion why you see so many addicts fail. Root causes must be addressed both internally and externally.
Thanks for checking in, Honestly things haven't been great. I've had a pretty rough 10 days. I've relapsed quite a few times now. I've gotten extremely busy with these winter storms affecting my work and causing extreme hardship at work. (I work in agriculture and have livestock) It isn't the stress of the storms that affected me on my first relapse it was more just a week point being triggered. By not having my sex drive met I suppose. Maybe a little bit of end of year anxiety as well. The stress at work made things worse and probably caused a longer relapse period. So I'm back to day 2 of my journey at this point. Things are up and down with my wife. I've probably addressed too much too soon with her of our relationship issues. I really don't think that it's been great trying to talk about things as I'm probably not in the greatest state of mind. And my wife is an emotional person who blames, won't take responsibility, and personally degrades me. It's an explosive combination. I know all I can do is focus on me but it's just such a long hard road it often feels hopeless. I will say my wife has been slightly more interested in sex. Mostly because I'm much more open about what I want in our sex lives. We also have had some good times as well. Though tonight after Christmas we had a pretty big argument. Family drama is an issue at my in laws and it's definitely a deep wound my wife will not open up to me about. That hurts me that she won't be more open with me emotionally. I'm just so very certain that sex isn't our problem and that it's other relationship issues. I know I need to focus on me and what's best for me. I'd like to start a new healthy fitness goal now that I'm refocused. My wife has never been very supportive of me in this and usually has a negative attitude that I'm being selfish working out and that she's too busy to exercise so I shouldn't either. I'm not sure why it hurts me so much that I let it affect me but it does. Going to try my best to not let this bother me this time and hope that it inspires her instead of causing contention. How are things going for you?
Ups and Downs for me as well. Relapsed a few times as well. My wife and I have been doing well overall I believe. I'm a physical touch love language person and shes not. So shes been trying to do a better job of being physical and cuddly which is nice. Really just trying to get by with this itch to watch pornography in the back of my head. Hoping that days and days of not doing it will eventually get that itch out of my brain.
Honestly very well. PMOed on new years eve, realized it was stupid and haven't since. I've been more busy and because of that I really haven't had much of an urge to watch porn. I realized that its a stupid compulsion and nothing that genuine will power can't overcome. How about yourself?
Yeah its not like I've been white knuckling it or anything. No blockers on my computer. None of that stuff. Just been happy, living my life and not really thinking about porn. Sex drive has been noticeably a little low but I still had wonderful sex with my wife a few days back. Gonna try to go this whole year without porn or masturbation. Its still very early, but these first few weeks haven't been challenging at all. I think I can do it!
That's great! I'm going good as well. Today I was kinda edging. But I just kept using self talk and got through it. My wife is noticeably happier and she's trying to be more active sexually with me and it's been great. I catch her smiling at my jokes and flirtatious personality. It's been a long time since she's reacted that way. We've still had some issues but there's just a better overall mindset in our house I think. I took some afternoons off last week to spend quality time with my wife as well. It was good for me as well. Been a long time since I did that just for myself.
I’m happy for you man. I hope you’re able to rekindle that intimacy in your relationship that I think you and your wife want. You both deserve to have a happy, fulfilling marriage
