This is not porn related but I have no one to talk with....

Omg! You basically just told her in may? I guarantee you have not worked through it.you think you have, but the craziness you just talked about sounds very much related to betrayal trauma. Which takes 18 months to 3 years for someone to actively work through, usually with a therapist. She doesn’t trust you you! Holy cow, I’ve been married 30 years, working on betrayal trauma for 4. You really don’t understand how your addiction affected her. I suggest you get Helping her Heal and Out of the Doghouse . You may actually believe you worked through it, but I highly doubt it, given the experience I have with so many other women who have gone through this.

 

Except it doesn’t sound like she’s fine with you at all. It’s sounds like many women I’ve worked with about this. This is not an uncommon reaction. I didn’t tie it together because you said it had nothing to do with your porn, so I assumed she always knew about your porn and was ok with it. You however, said it hurt her in your earlier posts. It sounds like she’s trying to hurt you the way you hurt her and she is trying to control you because she’s insecure about the relationship ( which porn addiction has a massive influence on) you’ve only been with her 3 years! You do not know her nearly as well as you think you do, just like she does t know you. I’m still discovering new things about my husband. 36 years together. I guarantee he doesn’t know me as well as he thinks he does. Porn has a way of muting the connection in your relationship. You are very young, I’m sure it feels like you know her very well. But here you are completely baffled by her behavior.

 

For me, it seems like you are doing your best. If she is behaving like that regardless of your addiction (she was doing it before and after your disclosure), then it means that there's something wrong with her. Might be her past, might be some disorder. Be aware that as long as you keep pleasing her in whatever she demands, things are not going to change. Try to be more determined and stand in your position more often (instead of doing everything as and when she asks), and see how that affects her and yourself. If she doesn't change, either you accept your life is going to be like this of you will have to end the relationship in order to have a healthy mind.

 

Hi @big-successhere

I've read through your thread and I notices some things I would like to reflect on.

Reading your first post I thought: this guy is addicted to his girlfriend. He is like a slave to her.
You set aside every social part of your own life to be with here more and more.
That's definitely how a (porn) addiction also works: you set aside more and more of your normal life, to get the pleasure you want/need.

You and your girlfriend has created a problem that's called codependency.
You need the other to be able to bé somebody. It's a very toxic entanglement that needs to be disentangled now.

Your girlfriend certainly has issues too.
She shows a strong lack of boundaries. You have a serious problem with boundaries too.
You both don't know anymore who you are yourself. You don't have clear any more where the "you" ends, and where the "together" begins. So to speak.

I strongly agree with @Psalm27:1my light that a porn addict needs to go through his/hers issues first, and yes, that can take a while.
I see an addiction as an amplifier for issues. I don't say that all of the issues between you and your girlfriend is because of your addiction, because she has her issues as well. But I do know that the use of porn in a relationship is a huge blocker for intimicy, for love, for honesty, for a normal and open conversation etc. And, a blocker for boundaries as well.
And for sure, your girlfriend has sensed that. It's possible that she is addicted to you as well. This shows that she is using you as a way to cope with her (hidden) issues. Her controlling behavior can be a sign of that.
Actually it's misuse, or even abuse of each other.
It has nothing to do with love imho.

If I were you I would seek a professional helper to find out what is really going on in your life.
It's more that I can describe here. You will be surprised what the real issues in your life are....

 

Brother I've read threw you're whole story. I'm sorry to say but she sounds a bit on the Narcissistic level especially for gas lighting you half of the time for no reason and staying mad for no reason. The fact you are giving her you're all, smothering her with love, time, and patience and rejections to be with her. You are doing all the best for her.

Firstly: I'd say you two need to have a talk about even it it pisses her off, she needs to realize how you're feeling most of all. The fact that she is damned getting mad at you for no reason pisses me off. Maybe you need to reverse and make her realize how much it's hurting you, when all you do is love her unconditionally.

Second: As much as you love her and sacrifice you're time for her, one thing to be reminded of it to not reject family. I've had plenty of friends get in relationships and their family's have had words with them. I'm sorry but one of my pet peeves is people who sacrifice close friends for a woman or man like were nothing. Maybe it would be good for her to meet youre family or friends. It would be an exciting experience.