Here I am. 22 years old, and I've never dated anyone. I've never held a girl's hand, held her close to be her safe space, kissed a girl, or binge watch anything with a girl. I know it's a minor thing, but...I really want to have that connection. But have never had it, and when I see other people I know enter relationships or even get engaged and later married, it hurts. And sometimes, I can't help but feel sad about it, and even sometimes tear up about it. Even worse is when other people say that you'll eventually find someone, but then you realize that's just the biggest load of crap you've ever heard. Because truth is, not everyone gets to experience being in a relationship.
I've thought it was my idiotic porn habit. But I remember there was a guy in high school who indulged in porn yet was able to be in a relationship. And he didn't even try to quit. Granted, their relationship was temporary, but still, this guy who never even tried quitting somehow had a girlfriend. Yet, here I am, day 45 of my 90 day recovery period, and never dated. I'll admit, I don't get out of the house on my own on the weekends. But it's only recently I realized not everyone gets to experience love, even when they do all the things other people do. So I guess I just assumed I'd randomly bump into someone somewhere. Plus, I used Tinder and Bumble a lot, but those didn't work. And I would get out more now to coffee shops and restaurants, but I gave myself a reward system with beverages for each month completed. Coffee for 60 days done, and soda aside from Baja Blast for 90 days done.
Meeting people is more about lifestyle than anything else. It doesn't have anything to do with using porn at all. It's unpredictable, but that's the beauty of it. If you life your life online, and never go outside, then it's going to be much more difficult to ever form relationships. I'm aware that it's not all that simple to just decide to become a social butterfly, but if you put yourself among more human beings in real-world situations, then the potential to communicate is going to be greatly increased. The first girl you sleep to very probably won't become a new girlfriend, but the more you're out there living life, the better the chances of speaking to somebody who might. Humans evolved to be around other humans.
Ouch, @Tigerdude, I feel your deep, deep longing and heartache! I've experienced so much of the same. I love how your heart is in the right place. Your desire to hold a woman safe, hold her close, hold her hand, binge watch a show, are all woven together by a beautiufl common thread: you want to share quality time and deepen into trust and intimacy with a woman. It doesn't sound like you want to just "get high" off of a woman, using her for image and sex and energy, etc. Your heart is in the right place and you deserve to experience intimacy with a woman. And, I have a sense that this will happen for you! I wonder what the blocks are in your life to attracting in the right woman? What defenses are you unconsciously running to stave away intimacy? As an intimacy enthusiast (and professional coach), I love getting to the root and helping create a whole new outlook and possibility for my friends and clients. We all need love and affection and shared connection, we are human, tribal, and some of us more than others require intimacy and depth to thrive! This begins primarily in yourself, your connection with yourself. No one can be intimate with you if you are not intimate with yourself and to the degree that you truly love yourself is the degree to which others can love you!
I feel the same. I want intimacy with Women. I tried Tinder and Bumble, but don't work yet. I often feel lonely, because now I'm looking for a job/ employment. Maybe, We must diversify our experiences!
When I read your post, all I can think about is the statement "if you keep doing what you're doing, you're going to keep getting what you got." So if you currently do not have a girlfriend and want one, what are you going to change to meet someone. It's going to be more about stepping out of your comfort zone and trying new things. Do you have any hobbies that you can turn into a social aspect? The following would just be examples to get you thinking: do you like to cook? Then go take a cooking class. Do you like to play a particular sport? Go join a co-ed league. Have you ever wanted to learn something new? Maybe you always wanted to learn to box or mixed martial arts, go join a gym where you can learn this.
