Weird. When I want to write something, I almost always forget what I wanted to write. I rely a lot on the fact that some miracles will happen in my life that will help me. Tomorrow I have two exams to pass in order to finally get my mechanical engineering degree. The problem is that I didn't study before that. I just started preparing for those exams today. And guess what, I'm counting on some miracle to happen and I'll somehow pass those exams. And so it always is. I rarely work really hard to achieve my goals. I will probably fail those exams tomorrow. Then I will feel great shame when I come home (because the university is in another city) to my wife and daughter. I was separated from them for a few days so that I could "pass" those exams, but in the end it turns out that I just wanted to get away. It will be worse when I go to work. My boss has high hopes for me to finish it soon and get my degree because they need someone in that position with a degree in mechanical engineering. I think he will be angry that I didn't go to work and didn't pass my exams. Well, I can't be mad at him. I feel like shit right now. And I have no one to talk to, because no one cares. I hope to clear my mind at least a little this way. I have to pass the exams somehow. But one thing is true, that I have to change something about myself. I guess I should be more responsible and take some things seriously. I'm going to study, so what happens will happen
If you carry a defeatist attitude, that's all you'll ever be. You must do some work if you want to get better. Nothing on your exam or work are going to be handed to you on a silver platter. Work on your struggles because that's the only way to succeed.
