Has anyone managed to maintain a sexual relationship whilst not slipping into bad habits? I've been trying to do so, but I'm finding it creates too many situations where I'm tempted into the habits I'm trying to break. Any tips? Or, am I going to have to go full monk mode?
Many addicts, even married ones, find they need to go monk for a couple months at least. I think it has to do with a reorientation of belief, through action, concerning what sex is for. Porn would have us believe sex is strictly for pleasure. Bonus points if it’s mutual, but feeling good is the only thing sex does, or needs to do, for us. So, when we continue using sex for that purpose, we remain in a pornographic attitude. Sex, however, is best used as reinforcement of a pair-bonded relationship. Don’t forget, the primary purpose of sex, the purpose we work so hard to avoid because it costs do much, is procreation. Children born consequent of that procreation are exponentially more likely to survive if their parents are pair-bonded. So-called “casual sex” is a relatively new cultural innovation; humans aren’t biologically designed to do it, so it should be no surprise that our bodies don’t function correctly when we use sex casually. That’s why we get brain fog, and our dopamine system gets saturated and confused by conflicting information.
You're trying to quit porn. Why are you even trying to have a sexual relationship in the first place? Instead, try dating someone. And don't even think of doing it while you're recovering from this habit.
This is an interesting point, Meshuga. The only sex I've ever been comfortable with has been casual sex, and I've been that slave to constant novelty. This has always made it difficult for me to maintain a healthy sex life with one person long term. I think you're right, if I'm honest with myself, I hold a very pornographic view of sex. Maybe not what I wanted to hear, but probably what I needed to hear haha. Harsh truths, thank you both.
