there's a girl in class i've got a crush on who's only going to be in the same country as me for the next 1.5 years. after we graduate, she wants to go move to this other country where a lot of her family is. while it does sound fun, i know it would remove me from the usa which is a good place for the career/industry i wanna work in and thrust me in this whole new place. am i thinking too far ahead?
You are thinking too far ahead, since you haven't gone on a date or established a relationship. But it shows you're thinking long term, which is good. Next prelim step would be knowing her worldview/values? If those don't line up with yours, could be tough relationship.
worldview/values seem to line up along with mine. she's focused on her career, she tries to be nice to people and is decent in social situations, seems to enjoy some time alone. we're similar in those ways. the main value difference would be how much she values her family, which i can get behind as long as it's not a super toxic family, which i don't think it is. i say different because my family had a lot of problems growing up. we mended relations and i've forgiven them for the most part, but i don't really want to be living with them or trapped with them after i finish college. although i'd fucking love to hop in and join someone's decent and happy family, which isn't a benefit i thought of before but i'd absolutely love now that i think about it.
update: holy holy holy shit taxes are so high in sweden compared to the usa, it's the difference between 20% and 40%
Cool! Yeah when I had a girlfriend when my family was in a rough time (cancer in my family, all siblings moved out, so her normal and balanced family all living at home), it really helped make a "normal" life. What's the worst that can happen? Yeah, taxes... but I mean there's probably social services that the U.S. doesn't have, like a lot of vacation time and a long paid maternal leave.
hey, glad you made through that rough time. yeah, i guess i should just gun for it. maybe i could voice my concern about the tax rate in the case that we're making a lot of money to polarize her, see what happens i guess. sweden does have much better vacation times, social services, etc. but i do want to own & run my own thing in the future, so losing such a huge chunk of income does hit. but i guess that's a "where i get there" problem. i feel like if i'm making the equivalent of 100k-200k USD a year, that warrants a move out or a large reconsideration of it. i'll bring it up in conversation if we end up on a date, i'm sure it's a topic of interest to her. absolute worst case, we stop dating because of a difference in values/what we want in the future. i'm okay with that. way way way more okay than not saying anything at all. i'm not going go in with the mindset of trying to change her. i'm going to go in with the mindset that i do like her and want to try a date, share our thoughts, and see if we can make this work. if i get rejected, i'll move on. one less question or "what if" to be asking myself.
Thanks! Yeah, that plus other stuff made it rough - but you are having current experiences with a rough family life so I'm rooting for you! I know I'm the kind of guy to talk about future plans early, but I often get the advice from others to hold off on that during the first several dates. Depends on the guy and on the girl? Definitely, at least you tried, and likely if she's someone you feel is worth your respect, she'll probably be the type of woman to be mature in saying yes or no.
Alright. I'll ask but I'll start by prioritizing myself first. Busy as hell week, not to mention both me and that girl have a presentation to deliver Monday, and an exam Wednesday. I'm going to focus up on school this week, be ahead next week, and ask then when we both have the time. Even better: we won't be working on a presentation together anymore after this week, so there's no tension on her being stuck talking to me if she rejects me. I'll report back with how things go. Guess I'll be two months in before asking her out lol
