Our sexual fantasies reflect deeper desires of our inner child that remain unfulfilled, and addictions in general are a coping mechanism we turn to out of fear of confronting the real problem. In other words, we turn to wordly desires to satisfy deeper needs of the heart that may or may not be visible to us, but for which God offers the real solution. I’ve been aware of this for a while now. I’ve also always loved Psalm 37:4, but somehow until recently I failed to connect it with the past revelations I describe in the above paragraph. This verse can easily be misunderstood… it doesn’t mean that God is going to give you that car you want, the career you’ve been pursuing, that girl you like or indeed fulfil your ultimate sexual fantasies. It means that God, and all the good things He promises, are the true desires of our heart. You might interpret it two ways: give Him more attention and He’ll make Himself your desire, or that He is the deepest desire of your heart and you don’t know it yet, or both. But in any case, He will fulfil these desires if we let Him. Whatever you’re into sexually or whatever addictions you have (PMO, alcohol, drugs, whatever), self-reflection, prayer, meditation and time in the Scriptures will help you understand what you are really crying out for, and how these needs are truly fulfilled by the blessings of God. See my “needs analysis” in my first journal post for some examples of how this applies in my own journey. Reading https://www.covenanteyes.com/2017/09/28/what-sexual-fantasies-might-say-about-you/ and the book “Unwanted” by the same author Jay Stringer played a key role in helping me understand what the real problem is. I plug these a lot yes, but for good reasons.
Thank you for the post @XandeXIV.. it really got me thinking. How did the linked article and “Unwanted” play a key role in helping you understand what the real problem is? What’s the real problem?
Glad you found it helpful The real problem is the sinful heart, exacerbated by wounds we've experienced as we've grown up. I appreciate that's vague... but what it means more specifically depends on the individual. For me, the meaning is what I write about in the "needs analysis" edited into in my journal's first page. It's actually a number of things... a need to feel accepted, a need to escape responsibility, many others... and which of these are the main problem and which are peripheral I'm still trying to figure out. But the real point is that the real problems of our addictions are not the addictions themselves but some deep-rooted need that God ultimately offers the solution to. So no daily counter, site blocker or other self-discipline (though still good and helpful) is going to help us in the long run. Even though I haven't completely figured out what's going on in my head to have led me to my addiction, the realisation that there were needs I was turning to PMO to instead of God has done immensely more than anything else in my own recovery journey.
I think the 'general' version of the need is always for love and connection with God and others. It's like we try to plug our 'God drive' with our 'sex drive'. The SA 'White Book' talks about this in very lucid ways. Thanks for your post. I believe that God does also transform our earthly desires so that we achieve them more when he is our first pursuit and that that is a legitimate further application of this verse. Bill Johnson writes about this in 'The Supernatural Power of the Transformed Mind'. I really need to read 'Unwanted'. Thanks for the reminder.
I read that article (and several others by him on the same site) about two weeks ago and found it really helpful. I began reflecting on it in this post and some following posts. I ordered his book and have it sitting on my shelf and hope to work through it soon.
I'm so glad it helped you! I need to read his other articles too. Another friend on NoFap pointed me to a talk by him too, though I haven't actually got round to watching it:
