Today I almost gave in. I had the thought which literally meant I'm going to masturbate. It was " It's too late to resist now. I have to give in.". I always gave up at this point. But this time. This time... something happened. I don't know what but it hit me. A thought. "There's still hope. You can resist it." And then I rose. To never fall again.
I masturbated once right now. It was not porn. But in that video I didn't find pleasure. Not inside me. It was nether hate nor love. I was alone in a room. If I could describe it in word then it would be 'Emptyness'. But it wasn't just that either. I was like a boy who is bound in a completely empty room. And to avoid that feeling of getting bored, I watched that video. It wasn't that I couldn't resist the desire to masturbate but that I didn't want to be left with nothing to do. And then after releasing. I felt a connection getting strong in my brain. This connection was my brain getting programmed to relapse. It was slight like I am a zombie and I have to masturbate. But I completely understood this connection. So I wasn't going to relapse.
It is my longest streak of 2 weeks. I don't feel I've lost much. I'm still on track. But I think I have to get used to the feeling of doing nothing. May be meditation will help. I will research about it. And I still am aiming to leave PMOing forever.
But erm you did, and you explained it good, i did find myself alot in those situations, more than you, like rn im alone, nothing much to do, so just hanging around here, texting and stuff, and just be occupied with something,its alright tho, get back up, and get a 100 days this time.
No prob my bro, i was arrogant in my 17 and didn't care about pmo, and i don't expect you be like that <3 NOFAP4EVER!!!
I masturbated once again. Couldn't stop myself. Was trying to sleep but the erotic thoughts came. I want to break down and say I can't take it anymore. But I owe something to my future and present self. I feel like a drug addict who got his high of drugs and now is going to sleep being confused with the feeling that it's not satisfaction that he got but exhaustion.
Welcome to being hachiman, genius. Also, by now, your streak is over. I don't mean to bring you down and sorry if I did but It's time to rise back up. This time , better, stronger and by not being 'empty'.
