I want to share few of my bulb flash memories. So the movies usually have that scene when Villains kidnap woman and tie them etc and so on. I always felt aroused that and yes, to my embarassment,I was literally a kid... like 8-9 years old.I would imagine scenarios with my beautiful teacher when I was 10. Then at age 17 ,I watched porn for the first time. Since then I have been in a downward spiral. My weakness is that one thing which has teased my emotions during childhood also - whenever my brain gets this trigger of "women are weaker than men in society and in bed" , I get aroused which is similar behaviour I noticed when I was a kid-villain capturing women as they are easy targets. This connects to the primal Instinct which are still there no matter how liberal and civilised I think I am in brighter life(my other life when porn is not occupying my mind or I am not in mood), I always stumble at this thought and this facilitate everything. My favorite genre of porn too has been like that where men takes control,real control.So this is my fetish and kink ... TOTALLY opposite of vanilla sex.Fetishes are fine but mine is distorted, which when aided with porn,ruins and has been ruining my Because I can see contents of all types..you know. Why I relapse?Well because cues are everywhere for a person like me- Cuss words which usually targets women,YT skits objectifying women , patriarchal society in general,OF concept where women has a price tag of something which society defines as women's dignity,sex work/call girls where men pay and use women,crimes against women etc...all subconsciously affects me.They make me think like women - THESE ADULT CONTENT MODELS - are a thing to be used for sex,and that they are for sex only,which men use and that's why men are powerful.No, it's not actually what I believe in or think but its something that arouse me. Nofap for few days or months is not about a period to quit porn directly but to provide oneself a space of few months to go through an identity change. HOW CAN ONE MAKE AN IDENTITY CHANGE ALTOGETHER? CLEANSING OF THOUGHTS AND INNERS SELF..HOW TO DO THAT? My info - I have friends but none to chill with,no gf(societal norms restrict this until you are settled in India )longest streak 100 days,age 24,child of an overprotective single parent (they divorced when I was 4).
I think you'll find many people are like this. Louise Perry writes about it in her book The Case Against the Sexual Revolution. In her chapter on porn, she quotes research that found people tend to do this sort of thing. The reason why they do this is due to how the mind works when sexual arousal takes over. You might find reading the book helpful. She doesn't give much of a solution to porn addiction but does make a good case for giving up porn. I found what she wrote helpful because it helped me understand what is going on in my mind when I look at porn.
22 days is 22 days more that you had before you started onceaking ?...take this as a small victory for now ( I recently went 17 days. Was (am) disappointed, but to beat myself up would be self-defeating and would only further depress me. Best regards toward your recovery..
