Hey fellas, Don't have much to say, but ive been told writing about your experience can be therapeutic and also help others. I didn't think I had a problem, never crossed my mind. I'm in a sexually active relationship but still fapped quite a bit. Recently, while playing rugby, I pulled my groin and ruptured both my quads. In rehab I was basically told no fapping and no sex. Easy enough in the short term I thought. Im on day 9, doctors orders and I believe I have identified an addiction to porn and fapping. The urges have been crazy but getting easier. I'm in this weird zone where my brain is constantly trying to think about sexual thoughts, but my body doesnt react to the thoughts in the form of an erection or shortness of breath etc. Its almost like I know my brain is trying to trick me at this point. What started as a medical thing will be carried over to a lifestyle change. Anyone else have to go cold turkey by doctors orders? Cheers,
I have had past medical conditions come up in me or my ex-wife that have lead to needing to refrain from either masturbation or intercourse for a period. So I have some perspective. Not to detract from the idea that you have an addiction, but there are possibly other factors at work. First, you had an active life, with an active libido. Due to medical injury, you've had a significant reduction of physical and sexual outlets. It would be normal in the times following that your mind might be abuzz to remind you what you are missing. Additionally, I had a radial spinal pinch of my upper neck, they gave me anti-inflammatory of cortizone. Cortizone completely screws with your cortisol levels. I was in pain, with emotions of angry, sad, aggressive, defeated, and horny all at the same time. You add to this the emotional stress of the scare of what that might mean to my long term abilities for health and feeling broken, and it makes for a real mess of a man. Thankfully this only lasted 8 weeks. But it was enough to realize that I was no where near normal. If I can ever help it, I will refuse corizone ever again. I'm guessing they have you on some similar pain meds, and some simular anti-inflamation regiment to help with the muscle damage. Unfortunate, the fixes for this are the same if you do have an addiction. Try to identify and reduce outside influencing factors, and rest to let healing occur, and new normal's to assert themselves for your body.
Appreciate the thoughtful response, I hadn't considered those other contributing factors. Not being able to be active has been worse than the no fapping, possibly because it acted as a release in and of itself. Funny thing is, and this dawned on me recently, is I grew up Muslim (atheist now) and in Islam (as in Judaism I believe)masturbation and porn are outlawed. Fear of going to hell was not enough to prevent me from fapping. It literally took a situation where I would be in significant pain to stop. First couple of days I was considering a fap when I found this place.
Also, another hurdle is I have to get rehab and massage therapy. As in massage to my groin area. My therapist is a woman (not one im attracted to) but either way I am a little nervous about hetting a rager during my massage later today. Havenr had the massage treatment yet, most of our therapy work thus far has been really painful and thus no worries in terms of arousal. A massage on the area is different. I know I will need the right mindset walking in.
Don't let that be a concern. In my physical therapy, they used 'deep tissue' massage. It was far from pleasurable, as they hit 'trigger' points, which is like shooting pain and fire. It felt better when they were done, but I was near tears during. In short, I don't think you are going to have to worry about it. Additionally, medical workers and therapist have a different perspective about the body. They see it all, and it's normal to them. If anything, if you had an erection, she would ether realize that it is a likely part of the process, or flattered and/or amused that it happened. Physical therapists have been in my experience genuinely likable people (but that won't stop you from cursing them when they hit that trigger point). In any case, don't stress yourself with this. Focus on your health. They only want you to get better, and aren't worried if an erection happens along the way.
Thanks, man. Feel better about that. There is also something about a medical office/clinic (the smell?) that is a major turnoff. I'll hold onto the thought of tear inducing pain lol. Finding about about my addiction has been like a functioning alcoholic who was told to stop drinking and realized he craves that drink, and that it does affect him regardless of what he thought prior.
Not sure if this will help or not. When I first started loosing weight, I was told the importance of your self talk. It's very important to not say 'never', but to instead say 'not right now'. It's called delayed gratification. You're telling yourself, I can have this, but not at this moment. It's important to think that way, as it affirms positive feelings. I know your medical condition doesn't allow for a lot of negotiation. However, I get through the day on my reboot telling myself, if I still feel this absolute need this time next week, I'll indulge, but I'm not going to right now. It lets me deal with the urge, and it pass, and so far, I haven't had a 'persisting need' that lasted a full week. Maybe you can adopt this, but not saying "I can't have sex", to "when I get to day X, I'm going to rock some". that way you have some goal to look forward to.
That's great advice. I want to give myself every chance of success and a full recovery from the injury which would be hindered by fapping, so I appreciate this.
Welcome to NoFap where, as you have seen, you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and not judge you. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
Day 11. Strangely my urges have subsided significantly, to the point where yesterday I didn't think about it, had no nervousness or anything like that at all. I used to think I had such a high sex drive, my constant thinking about sex and fapping was was just genetics and I was a victim of that. Ive learned in 11 short days we control ourselves, and only allow ourselves to get away with this behavior. Onwards and upwards (no pun intended) gents.
Thanks, appreciate the kind words. You know, in terms of strategies, just stay away from triggers and keep my mind occupied. It's been as simple as that for me. Mind you, only day 11 for me. Exhausting myself mentally and physically has helped also.
WE HAVE A WINNER!!!!! He's got it!!! He has figured it out! WOO HOO!!! Go tell the world this! THIS is the key to EVERYTHING!!!
It's still possible you have a high sex drive. There is nothing wrong with that, nor is there with masturbation as a method to deal with it. Unfortunately, porn with masturbation allows us to go beyond what our sex drive is, and create a false pattern of libido that is driven by comfort away from stress, and depletion. It's when we establish this false libido that we can start having impulse control issues, and over time lack of sensitivity (making it harder to become aroused). (all of this is assuming being outside a relationship) If you are in a relationship, you should direct your energy to your partner, first as the most important priority. Porn with high libido can allow for a solution where we don't have to bother our partner, or constantly negotiate for sex, but that is so risky in that you may never learn how to properly negotiate, and you are splitting your energy in two places, which means you can't always give your partner first priority. In any case, you may be higher libido and that is ok.
Most certainly agree and more great advice. I am in a long term relationship, and although due to this injury I am unable to physically have sex at this point without being in real pain, I have noticed a more close feeling with my partner. In terms of the libido, I believe you are right. Some of us have high sex drives, but it controlled me for so long and not the other way around. Realizing this, I can channel that energy effectively when the time is right. Least I hope anyways. In the past, when I was sad, depressed, angry or faced with a difficult/stressful situation, my mind would auto focus on beating off as some way of an escape or stress relief? The internet porn world was often much more interesting on the surface than whatever was happening in the real world. I feel like ive gained some clarity in that regard already. My fear is, if I begin to watch porn again it will become a slippery slope though my goal is to achieve a balanced life.
Some days easier, some more difficult. The last few days I have been wrought with anxiety of sexual thoughts. Heres the thing, in the past, I didn't think about sex all the time. I would think about it then fap, and those thoughts would be put to rest albeit for a short time. Today, I feel there is no escaping them. They hang around, get displaced as I try to take my mind off it and then come back after a short while. It's more distracting than I anticipated. It's distracting me from my work and school. Anytime I have the ability for a free thought, boom it comes right in. I felt as though I flatlined in terms of urges around day 14 or 15, as in the thoughts were occurring alot less. However the last day or two they have come back constantly. Any tips here? Appreciate it as always.
I try to be "mindful" when I'm having those thoughts/feelings. I try to stop and think about and understand why they are happening. Was I triggered by something? What am I doing right now and what WOULD I have been doing if I still looked at porn? Those sorts of things to try and analyze my way out of it. When I feel unwanted emotions or am thinking unwanted thoughts my solution is to take a kind of clinical approach to it to see if I can address it head-on.
Thanks, appreciate it. Always helps to hear from someone who has been through it. For me, appears no trigger at all when I get into this kind of "zone". I mean, sexual thoights and feelings are healthy for an adult male. I just don't want to feel like a slave to them. I don't act on the urges and they do go away after a while but then suddenly come back when i'm in the middle of doing something completely non sexual like work. The strength of the urges seems to be getting stronger. The strange thing is, they are not sexually themed thoughts as in im fantasizing about someone or even some situation, its just a general blanket thought of "SEX!". This causes some kind of a reaction on my body, sweaty palms, shallow breathe, even when im not thinking of anything in particular.
I wouldn't go as far as fantasizing because I know its pointless. However, the physical effects feel very real. Especially the constant anxiety/nervousness.
