hi. 28 and basically here as I'm day 4 into no porn and struggling through but really just need to tell my story to get it off my chest. basically I turned to porn when my long term girlfriend went through a sexual dry spell. no sex led me to almost cheat so I turned to porn to relieve sexual needs. This worked and the sex gradually improved. I did have two occasions where I couldn't get an erecting but that was mainly due to masterbation mere minutes before my girlfriend arrived unusually in the mood. but I slimmed porn right down-still in control at this point. Things darkened when I turned to porn again when as once again she lost her sex drive,gained weight hugely and stopped caring about her appearance. at this point we both turned to porn for help in our sex life. It did increase it but she was always turned on by the taboo of what I later found out to be cuckold porn. It got to heavy for me what with humiliation etc so I took our mutual porn level down. more time past and I'm now back to porn even though the relationship is fine now. so here's what's pushed me to be here. while scrolling cuckold porn I happened to see a block of several videos premoting the cuckold theme and the final video encourages you to see that in every video in this series you watched and presumably cum to we're about c##k more than girls as the videos start with girls but end mainly focusing on a well endowed man. It then ends by showing a man masterbation and encourages you to cum to it. Being desensitised to "normal" porn I found this erotic and have came to it a few times. But it's let me to mind f##k myself with guilt and shame daily. I'm not gay. I love woman but porn has messed me up. so I'm here trying to do porn once a week followed by once a month and then hopefully stopping all together. sorry for this large intro but I've no one to talk to and needed to confess this.
It is very helpful for the healing process to both get things of your chest and also get perspective on the kinds of this that you have been watching. Slight Trigger Warning In my case I started out enjoying erotic short stories, while these were usually very graphic there was still a level of intimacy and connection in them that I found lacking in other porn. The stories seemed to have been written by women and for me this combined with the fact that the stories were told from the ladies point of view, crafted a narrative where the lady was not just a object for another's lust but rather a living person with emotions and feelings. And because of this it seemed that her pleasure was also the readers pleasure, at least this is how I rationalized it at the time. However I did not understand back then that these stories still heavily featured porn themes and tropes. And I am deeply ashamed and horrified to realize now that while some of these stories where somewhat romantic and less harmful many where fantasies where the main character was in fact raped. The light tone of the stories and the words they employed tried to down play this but sadly it is all too clear that the stories perpetuated the sick lie that a woman can grow to enjoy and desire what where first unwanted sexual advances. I had always stayed away from erotic fiction about rape and yet the reality was that I had been partaking of it for years without even realizing it. I am a deeply romantic person at heart and have a great respect for women believing in equality in all things, and that memory that I unknowingly found pleasure is such stories is a source of great remorse for me and fuels my desire to rid my self of porn forever so that I can be the man I want to be. Anyway that is my confession. But yes welcome good sir you have come to the right place to get help and get clean. I have not found a more positive and helpful community on the internet and I wish you all the best on your journey.
One of the most helpful things I have gotten from here is just knowing I'm not alone and others commenting and stuff does help. After 3 days strait relapse after relapse, me now coming right off one, when I was so close all I had to do was fall back to sleep. Woke up, texted some people, got temptations, relapsed. I have learned to laugh more at myself and relapsing and not be so taught because I'm learning. This is part of my actual pledge to give it all up. I have to learn to deal with it all and to overcome it all. This site has given me more strength and conference and a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm doing this for my girlfriend, for myself, and for my future. I would consider myself more romantic too. I'm older in my ways and put more of a value to love, to a girl, and just everything. Porn has corrupted my mind and is at clash with who I am and who I want to be. I also have found myself watching rape porn types until one day I came to the realization that this is rape, and I quit that theme of porn but not the while thing, yet. My mind has been corrupted terribly by porn. I guess I'll confess something too. For some reason I like transwoman porn. It's really messed up it really is, im not gay and I'm pretty solid on my knowledge of my sexuality. I'm not gay. But it's erotic so it captures me. Me and my long time girlfriend broke up for about a month but it left me in a really dark place. And in this month I discovered something that has just been really hard for me to resist. Craigslist personals casual encounters. Messed me up really bad. Never met up with anyone but it peaked a interest in me. The fact that these where real people out there that I could explore my messed up fantasies with. Porn is really evil, and one of the worst things you can do. Everyone on here is a really good person. They want to improve there lives. Acknowledging that this is a problem and not how you want to love your life is a great thing. You don't just accept it and think it's okay. Which proves you are a good person at heart and you have the ability to over come this just like I do. The human mind is powerful, with trail and error, and patience. We can do it. Stay strong, and read on here for support. Good luck, Gold Bless, and never give up.
Holy crap, I got goosebumps while reading your post. I'm heavily down the slippery cuckold and humiliation slope, jerking off to JOI humiliation, cum eating instruction videos, girls just telling me I have a small dick and believe it or not: For more than a couple of times, I've come to the exact video you're talking about. It ends with a big black guy jerking off in front of a mirror. So disturbing that it has come to this. As you, I'm not even gay. I've just been programmed to want sicker and sicker stuff, and humiliation and forced bi porn is where I'm at now. Luckily I'm trying to change. I've been off porn and masturbation for 12 days now, only coming when with my gf. It was terribly hard in the beginning, but it's getting easier. Still can't come with her without picturing her getting fucked by a guy with a huge dick. I'm so ashamed.
