Hey community. I’m very happy to be here. It was an accident that I came here and after read through some posts and comments, I realised this is the place I should be. I am 36 years old man, married and have kids. I have similar problems like most of the posts mention here. My porn addiction seems to be out of the roof right now and I watch at least few times a day. While working from home, I get lot of free time where my next move was to spin up an anonymous window and just search for porn.Then the next step obviously M and then finally O. It’s like I may reach O couple of times or more each day. I don’t understand where my problem is, because I do have S with my wife, probably everyday or few times a week. Although I’m married, my P search are mainly M2M. In my early twenties, I used to have a M2M relationship with a much older man than me for a couple of years. Since the time I got to know my wife and married, I have completely stopped the M2M relationship physically. But it remained in my mind forever and the only way I could relieve the pressure or have the feeling of being with that person is from the G Porn. I realised several times, I should stop this and maybe stay away from the P few days and no M also, but then combing right back at it after a 4-5 days. This time I really want to make it work. Last couple of days, No P and no M. But sometimes I do just play (not sure that’s a right word here) with myself without O. Maybe edging. I want to stop P addiction, also M and then I’m looking forward a way how can I stop having the M2M feelings. Since couple of years before my marriage up until now, I have never been with another M. But the feeling never goes away. My wife or anyone I know have no idea about what going through and she’s not the right person to talk about what time going through. I really need help.
Welcome. Glad you are here. Take some time to read the reboot material (available here => http://www.nofap.com/getting-started) and come up with a plan for what you will do when you are faced with urges. It has good advice, so don't skip it! Perhaps start writing a journal - if you feel comfortable telling people about happened and what's going on now, you will start to feel accountable to them. You may even inspire others. It's a nice feeling! This will help your recovery. Also, try to add something into your life that makes you the kind of person who doesn't engage in PMO. Think about doing: Something you enjoy Something you're good at Something important Something for somebody else, without thought of reward (and if you DO get an unintended reward, do something ELSE, perhaps for a different person or group). Read the journals of others - we all learn from each other. Don't just stay within your own age group or part of the world. Share your knowledge in a respectful way. This is a great post about what lies ahead of you during the reboot. https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/time-to-be-done-with-this.140257/page-26#post-1442099 This is a fantastic way to explain what you'll be feeling during your reboot. https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/club-dopamine.101129/ Read, learn, apply. Look around the forums, get to know people. Everyone is friendly, and will try to support you. We're all in the same boat here. Be kind to others and others will be kind to you, both here and IRL. And remember, it's not a challenge - it's a lifestyle change. I wish you a successful reboot. ~Orf
