Whatever it takes. Some have given up a great deal in order to be free. Freedom is worth it, no matter how high the cost. Onward.
Sounds like a necessary step but presuming you won't be participating in this forum, do join a support group of some sort. Personal or group counseling is another essential aid to maintaining freedom. You need not be alone in this struggle.
You, not unlike a lot of us, have a serious addiction that you have recognized. That recognition is a huge step. Coming back to this community after a relapse is an even bigger step in my eyes. I second @CPilot. Have you visited an SAA group or celebrate recovery? As you go through these turbulent times if quitting your addiction, it is a huge blessing to have face to face relationships to walk through this with you. It has been key to me. Especially since you say you don’t have family to help keep you from falling.
Also, whatever you decide about your internet connection or other disciplines that you adopt to make it harder for you to give in, remember that this all begins in the heart. There is nothing inherently wrong with these disciplines, and I do not mean to devalue them, but they are "top-down"... for a better chance of success do not forget the "bottom-up" - if disciplines are the top, the heart is the bottom. Our sinful hearts want to fail... pray that God changes your heart (Psalm 51 is a perfect model for this kind of prayer - David prayed it after he sinned with Bathsheba) I found that for all the disciplines I tried, deep down in my heart I still wanted to give in. I was good at stopping myself from looking at materials related to my fantasies for a long time, but it was so superficial. Only when I realised I didn't really want to give up PMO did I truly recognise the depth of my sin and the real change started then. When you confess your sin, do not only confess your actions, but the desires of your sinful heart. "37 “If there is famine in the land, if there is pestilence or blight or mildew or locust or caterpillar, if their enemy besieges them in the land at their gates, whatever plague, whatever sickness there is, 38 whatever prayer, whatever plea is made by any man or by all your people Israel, each knowing the affliction of his own heart and stretching out his hands toward this house, 39 then hear in heaven your dwelling place and forgive and act and render to each whose heart you know, according to all his ways (for you, you only, know the hearts of all the children of mankind), 40 that they may fear you all the days that they live in the land that you gave to our fathers." - 1 Kings 8:37-40
Living alone in the struggle without natural blockers like family can be very difficult. I think your plan to use less internet will work. I require myself to keep away from the internet for about 8 daily hours. In the first week, I had 30 daily minutes offline. On week 2, I had a daily hour offline. On week 3, I had 1.5 daily hours offline. And I kept gradually spending more and more time offline until I was enjoying 8.5 daily hours away from the internet. My bad sexual habits dropped a lot ever since I started enjoying more time offline.
Thank you for thinking of me and remembering me in your prayers. I am not on a good place at the moment. I have completely collapsed into addictive behaviour. I have just been to church for mid day prayers but am even struggling to pray at the moment. So thank you again for praying for me. Sending you my very best wishes
I have collapsed many times. You are not alone. Please keep us update, even if you continue to give in. There is no shame in it because we've all been guilty of it. Besides, at least that way you are confessing and seeking help. So many are not doing even this (it took me 30+ year to get that far), so you are further along the path than they. I continue to pray for you also. God bless
Just like @XandeXIV states, I also collapsed many times. So, there is hope for you, just as there was hope for us during such low times. It is the devil who causes us to despair after we sin. Despair of breaking free, depression over our actions, guilt, humiliation, these are all emotions the devil plants within us. Just as you say, these emotions take away our desire to pray and even our hope of breaking free. In these very low moments, run to Christ. Pray with all of your heart. Do not let the devil drive you away from the Savior and do not lose hope. Your temptations are evidence that devil knows he doesn't yet own you. The devil doesn't bother tempting those that are already his. I am praying for you right now!
Thank you guys for your prayers and support. I am in church at the moment. I have just attended Mass and am going to have a couple of hours silence. God Bless
You are not struggling alone and I trust that neither am I. Each of us here, is intent on finding freedom from these temptations and each of us here needs other's prayers. I am praying for you, please pray for all of us. God doesn't shut out the prayers of sinners, the bible is replete with demonstrations of that. Your prayers are powerful!
