My mission to freedom

Been in this hole long enough: Porn, phone sex, massage, escorts, doms, trans. I’ve had enough and it’s time to live my life. Day 4 no PMO. I will allow myself occasional MO when in a healthy state of mind. But apply new coping strategies when triggered.
Daily 3 wins: Organised my home and workspace, spoke with business support and self development program, paid off some debt. Didn’t act out

 

Realised that a lot of my acting out is coming from trying to soothe anxiety, yet it causes stress from money spent and debt, lowering my standards and especially getting messed up with poppers trans and femdom. Releasing regulary doesn’t do me any favours for testosterone and confidence either.
3 wins: Pushed myself
To go to the busy gym. Felt so much less anxious after.
Not getting lead astray by my ego as much and able to turn slight conflicts into humour and gest.
Back injury feeling a lot better

 

Days wins:
Finished job at dads
Sorted seat out for bad back
Didn’t an escort when bored and tired

 

Days wins:
Had therapy session went really well.
On the way home past a massage parlour thought shall I have a massage and hand relief as treat. Decided it was a bad idea but replaced it with a hot bath some yoga and resistance band back stretches. Some chocolate biscuits and a dog walk.
Hoovered my room and everything is less cluttered

 

My kinks have decreased loads over the last 6 months. I have reduced trans escorts massively and now don’t find them a turn on which is really pleasing. I still crave intense intimate sex and have watched femdom porn at times. But no humiliation, ts or hypno crap for ages months. I’ve had a few dom escorts but have ending up doing them. So that’s great progress. My problem/mission now is let my back injury heal, get a business up and running, make healthy friends and attract a hot Mrs

 

Had a big run of relapsing. I started using p to try and get rid of the cravings for escorts. I’ve got myself in a financial mess paying for pros, ts etc. I’ve tried a lot of things and was giving this ago. I’d watch some femdom but ended up booking a femdom escort. She was terrible. The itch wasn’t scratched so I kept search and just checking ts sites… Yea still not my thing…. I’d felt that my taste for them with loads of hypno and stuff had really gone but what was I still checking. Eventually I called a load but had been labelled as a time waster for stopping myself at times and cancelling appointments. This made it even more appealing as I wanted what I couldn’t get. One text back and we arranged a visit. My heart was beating out of my chest at the door to her apartment. I went in and she was stunning. She gave me something in my drink and I ended up having some of the best sex I’ve had!! Arr crap is it my thing again . I suppose if you have an addiction to Vodka and haven’t done it in a while and then someone pours you a grey goose cocktail with all the trimmings. You are going to enjoy it..

 

Yea no problem dude

 

Thanks dude, yea just a reminder to not bother searching in the first place on my last ts experience. Femdom is toxic as well.
Back with an old therapist and feel a lot safer and able to agree on what’s healthy and what’s not. It’s all coming together

 

Over half a year off the booze. A lot better weekend just gone. No urge for trans or doms. My injuries are slowing me down a lot but my head’s a lot less stressed and busy

 

Had a really productive day yesterday and the day before. Haven’t been feel any urges for trans. Then last night felt I needed something after a long days work. Just thought I’d have a look! Think I just wanted a good sex. And new them lot answer pretty much all night and is intense. Luckily blocks on and didn’t bother resetting them. Watched a bit of femdom. But couldn’t get into the pegging was just captivated by the model actresses hot body and what it would be like having proper sex with her. Step in the right direction. Not perfect but defunelty a huge improvement from where I was. Feel a bit shitty this morning though from searching