Thanks all for the great responses. I don't log on to this site often, but I do so when I get a strong urge and need some support or need to express myself. I am away from my wife for 11 days now, and have been successfully avoiding porn. I really appreciate this response above, because I am absolutely on the path to dig deep and uncover the core issues underlying all of my pain, the sexual stuff included. I am right now at a healing workshop and in a state of deep sadness. Lots of unworthiness coming up, and I remember how tempting porn is at a time like this. I also remember how that just adds so much insult to injury, and takes me to an even deeper level of unworthiness and shame.
You are absolutely right on your view and attitude toward this. I wish you only the best at the healing workshop and that it helps you develop some deep understandings after lots of self-reflection. I applaud you for taking this step. I'm sure there are lots of supports put in place at the workshop, and I hope you practice some self-care and self-compassion while there and upon your return home.