I've always had a high libido. I'm a creative and visual person, and I just seem fascinated with porn and sex. Terry Crews said that creative energy is sexual energy. I know there's something connected there. But for me, internet porn has hi-jacked that energy and turned it into an extremely addictive drug. It saps all my energy and time, filling me with shame and guilt. I feel that not enough light is shown on this problem which affects so many men and women. I remember the first time I heard about nofap, way back in 2014. I tried a 1-week streak and after that initial 7 days, I felt so different. I was finally comfortable in my own skin— confident, calm and well, you know the feeling. I really felt like a man. A good man, who could look you in the eye and tell you exactly what was in my heart. I feel it was who I was truly meant to be. Since then I've gone on many streaks– 30, 60, 90 days, and finally 115 days, ending Jan 12th this year. But I always go right back to P at the end of every streak. Its such a powerful compulsion. I hate it, and I wish it were banned from the web. I now use cold turkey blocker which seems to help take away any choice or struggle with will power. But working from home and having idle time, i can always find a way... slipping through a loophole or backdoor somewhere to satisfy my addiction. I hope signing up here and writing these posts cements my commitment to this "dirty little secret". I am a husband and father, and I owe it to my family to be my very best self. thanks for reading.
Hey man! Welcome to the community...you are definitely in the right place. I can relate to a lot of your story and I am also a husband and father. I've been a member for 5+ years and have always struggled to put solid recovery time together. After taking a good hard look at my patterns with this community over the years, I discovered something very glaring...which always led me down a path even darker than before. CONSISTENCY! Yup, it was very obvious. I would put some sober time together, feel like I'm cured, start pulling away from this community, and BOOM! Back at it...full blown relapse which would always lead to me pushing the envelope even harder than last time. Mind you, I have a wife, kids, and a job/career I am quite proud of...none of this matters when you're an addict like me. I not only took a good hard look at what I did wrong, but also what I did right and what seemed to work. Here is a list of some, not all, of those things I now call my recovery tools: * Updating my NoFap journal (Reboot Log section) two times a day minimum * Having sidebar conversations with many members everyday via DM * Welcoming new comers (such as yourself) and offering to help in any way I can * Poking around the forums everyday and replying when I feel I can add value * Reading recovery literature everyday (typically AA since I'm in that fellowship as well - almost 18 years of sobriety) * Daily prayer and meditation * Obtaining adequate sleep * Healthy eating * Fitness * Being available and of service to those seeking help The recovery tools I mentioned are the tools that keep me sober...as long as I'm CONSISTENT each and every day. I was never able to put together a lengthy amount of sobriety until I started being consistent with this stuff. Even when I feel amazing...I do not ease up on these tools...because in the past when I eased up I would always fall back in to active addiction. Lastly, I don't worry about streak goals or anything like that. In the past, I got way too hung up on how many days I had. Now, I literally take ONE DAY AT A TIME. I'm not worried about the past and I absolutely don't project in to the future. I stay in the here and now and focus on what I can do today, right now, on my recovery. Again, welcome to the community. There is hope. Feel free to reach out anytime. Wishing you the best!
George, thanks for responding. I think you are correct in keeping it consistent and staying focused. I know once I start feeling stressed, eating poorly or don't get enough sleep, i fall right back into those traps. The worst thing is leaning on P for when times get tough. Like any drug, it has a temporary high, then the craving comes right back. I never feel satisfied, so keep browsing, and edging and searching for that next thing which just leads me down a dark path. I will try to journal or at least check in here everyday - (through the 90-day thread ) and communicate with folks like you who are eager to lend a hand and offer support. Thanks again friend.
Hey GJ. Thanks for stopping by! I'm pretty good– Just hit 30 days. I'm still having issues with edging and trying to cut that out. Getting close to screwing it up again, ugh. Any suggestions? Congrats on 153!
Hey man, congrats to you as well! This is fantastic news. Whenever I'm feeling extra vulnerable or susceptible to giving in to temptation, I engage even more in my program of recovery. What that looks like for me is more time reading and contributing to the NoFap community, connecting with my accountability partners, updating my journal, reading outside recovery literature, prayer/meditation, exercise, talking on the phone to family and friends, and keeping myself occupied by any other activity that will force me to direct my attention elsewhere. Wishing you the best bro!
