I'm a 18 year old male. I found porn 4 years back, I didn't know about porn before that but I used to watch erotic scenes from movies on YouTube. The year I found out about porn i was studying in a boarding school (Didn't have access to phone or a private computer there) So my porn consumption was limited. I was able to see porn only once a week when I came home. So it was not very bad compared to now. Then the next year came the pandemic,so I was in home for almost 10 months straight. I would masturbate seeing porn twice everyday even though I lost the sensation after a few months, it became a daily routine for me, I didn't even realise it was an addiction back then. I didn't know about the consequences of porn back then. I even masturbated even when my family members were around(they couldn't see I was masturbating). I feel really ashamed for my actions. Then my mother saw the browser tab I left open on my phone.( I live in India,so porn and sex education are still a taboo here) And asked about it an indirect way,my heart skipped a beat,I tried acting like I didn't know what she was talking about, then she dropped the topic even though she knew what I was doing. After pandemic i went back to the same boarding school, I lost my close friends and got into rut,and due to some bad influences I started fantasizing about people I saw on everyday basis and masturbated. I finished my schooling, going to college this year, I had lot of time free so i went back to the habit, by this time I came to know about the effects of porn on human brain, so i tried no PMO several times, once reached 30 day streak, but relapsed on first week so many time, everytime I relapsed I felt immense amount of guilt.i didn't have anyone to talk to about this except few friends but I didn't talk to them about just this very openly because I thought they would judge me for this(I was very insecure about this , even though they would not have judged me. I fell into rut and felt like a failure so many times. i have an important exam(entrance exam conducted by a university for admission into the same University) coming up in 30 days.i cannot afford to waste anymore time for this next 30 days. I'm done, i want to work hard for myself,for my family, and people I love and take control of my life.
