Hey everyone, Late 30s guy here, discovered porn in my early teens and have been a regular, compulsive over-user for all of my adult life. I always downplayed the potential harm of PMO because I seemed okay-ish ("nobody knows" or "I'm fine bc I dont have ED" or "I can get a gf so it must not be a problem" -- all terrible rationales). What I never connected, was that I've lived a life of social awkwardness/isolation, depression, and anxiety -- and I've tried EVERYTHING to cure my depression/anxiety/brain fog with no success. Could PMO be why?! Could it also be why I started balding so young? Diving hard on nofap to see if I can finally have a normal life. Current status: My life is a disaster. Wife/kid left for complicated reasons. The stress of that situation led to getting fired in a terrible job market, so also unemployed. I guess this is what they call rock bottom. Strangely, when things get bad enough the numbness makes other things a little bit easier... So what is that silver lining I'm hinting at? The pain of nofap urges doesn't really compare to the pain of what I'm going through. Also I think my libido is suppressed due to my extremely negative environment. Anyway I'm at day 14, if I allow myself the excuse that I didn't know I needed to also stop MO (yanked it once in the shower to thoughts of my wife). Either way doesn't matter because I'm committing to this for the long haul. I'm worried that I might be too old for my brain to do a proper reset (i.e., not enough neuroplasticity). Thoughts on that anyone? Anyway, big thanks for having community. Really appreciate any encouragement or tips you might share. God bless.
Welcome. Glad you are here. Plenty of us here are in our 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s. The brain is remarkably flexible, and does eventually learn with time (you can read the reboot journals in those age groups to see how it works). Take some time to read the reboot material (available here => http://www.nofap.com/getting-started) and come up with a plan for what you will do when you are faced with urges. It has good advice, so don't skip it! Perhaps start writing a journal - if you feel comfortable telling people about happened and what's going on now, you will start to feel accountable to them. You may even inspire others. It's a nice feeling! This will help your recovery. Also, try to add something into your life that makes you the kind of person who doesn't engage in PMO. Think about doing: Something you enjoy Something you're good at Something important Something for somebody else, without thought of reward (and if you DO get an unintended reward, do something ELSE, perhaps for a different person or group). Read the journals of others - we all learn from each other. Don't just stay within your own age group or part of the world. Share your knowledge in a respectful way. This is a great post about what lies ahead of you during the reboot. https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/time-to-be-done-with-this.140257/page-26#post-1442099 This is a fantastic way to explain what you'll be feeling during your reboot. https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/club-dopamine.101129/ Read, learn, apply. Look around the forums, get to know people. Everyone is friendly, and will try to support you. We're all in the same boat here. Be kind to others and others will be kind to you, both here and IRL. And remember, it's not a challenge - it's a lifestyle change. I wish you a successful reboot. ~Orf
Wow thank you so much for this incredibliy thoughtful (and rigorous) message! (Note: see original post just above -- I had to remove the links in the quote block because my account is too new to share links) I'm binging the links you shared. Especially the thread of the inspiring old-timer. Doesn't say anything about mood issues, but i have hope that i can conquer this and am praying that i get benefits associated with mood, too. Now that I say it, I wonder how this will interact with the antidepressants i'm taking -- anyone have experience with that?
Anti depressants makes the journey easier; the problem is when you stop taking them. All of your emotions will surface, and if you are not ready enough it will be hard. Try to solve every issue you have, so by the time you quit pills it wont be that hard.
