This has caused me more damage than I could even begin to describe. Let me see if this can help me heal. Thanks, Jonah from Seattle
I pray and hope for your recovery as well as for all of ours. Best of luck in your fight for recovery!
Caught myself fantazizing about a scene while driving. my mind started wondering and planning for later. How insidious. I know the fulillment won't actually be as high as it seems. The pain will only be higher. Have I made it to 24Hrs? Amen! Just praying to make it through tonight.
Fantasising is a bane that we must fight. We can set up blocks for all external factors like websites, people etc. but inside our own heads, there's only ourselves and all internal forces we can marshal. I have, however, had luck when I deliberately turn myself away from fantasising while alone. It's hard at first but quickly becomes easier and after a week or so, I can stay away from it unless I indulge in something external like P and refuel my urges. My prayers are with you. Slay the beast!
I can hear myself today. I have stood up for myself and immediately I hear my self saying treat your self. lust over someone. act out to P or M.
jUst had a real authentic conversation with my mum. what I wanted to tell you though is about this lie i Hear in my voice that tells me oh you have been good today have some P. or you have been good today order an s worker. it promises me unblieveable amount of pleasure but today I remeber the shame afterwards the self humiliation and the depression. I reember how each time I feel an internal clock bieng resset. just today.
i pray for all of ours as well. It is so good to be reminded that I am not suffering alone. that we are all suffering.
Is there, perhaps, anything you can think of as a substitute reward for PMO, or, at least, some comfortable habit that you can think of doing when you need to have down time? If you've been having trouble getting your feet off the ground, this is a success story that has helped me: http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthre...90-days-and-how-why-I-plan-to-never-fap-again I hope that it may help you too.
I can call family and friends. I can check in to this site and read what others have written. I am humbled today.
i get 4 days and my pride kicks in. What is in this though? this too is a lie. I am lying to myself. I must stop here. I am deceiving myself. I can not beat this. I can only do it one day at a time. The prize is not the sense of accomplishment. It is all that I can do and be with out P.
yesterday I was so present to how my addiction fuels my anxiety and makes me timid. Are we mice or men? Well with such lust and acting out to p & m yes I am a mouse.
And today a friend sends me some images and I was glazing over these triggering images. I had to finally delete. Too much will power was exhausted there.
Today I did something good or honorable and immediately the first thought was to masturbate to porn. But I know where that leads. I am tired of resetting the button everytime. Today I choose to be porn and masturbation free. I will wait for healthy sexuality in my life.
One day at a time. Last time I had 6 month my whole body was in tune to the presence of others and myself. I could feel women being attracted to me and when I felt attraction to women it was pure. Man that it self is enough. inside of shame though what a sham.
Most productive steps I take a voice comes in and says you can go watch porn. you can watch and stop your self from mastrubating. I sound like an alcoloic who says it is okay. go to a bar. smell the alcholol and the stale beer. you won't drink.
Yes porn is destructive to me. I don't know about you. by 30yrs old the activity of sex began to fail. I didn't get it.it took so long to put two and two together. 10 days in I am starting to notice how beautfiul women are. I am starting to notice them.
