Hey all, I'm a 24 year old man writing from a small village close to Rotterdam, the second largest city in the Netherlands. Like just about everyone, I like to talk about myself, so for purposes of keeping this intro not too long, I'll just keep it to how I have experienced sexuality over the years. I started masturbating when I was eleven years of age, which I believe is quite young for that sort of thing, but I really didn't know what was happening to my body at that time. I have always been straight, I never doubted which gender I was interested in to be honest (save one or two odd moments in puberty, but that's it). Sex was sort was a matter that just wasn't discussed at home. I have never been religious so neither was abstenance. There was romance, all cuddly ideals of boy meets girl etc. But what I was supposed to do with my penis, or what was considered normal in that regard, I really had no idea until I grew much older. I never have watched porn, I probably will never feel the need to do so either. When I was young and started masturbating I was watching music videos of Britney Spears, Shakira, etc. Since then only the music and movie stars have changed. Pop culture has always been stimulating enough for me. With that said, I wasn't really a star with girls in high school, so until I actually started reading about it, I had no idea if my habits of masturbation were normal or rapist-like-insane. At nineteen years of age, I was studying for my bachelor and to put it bluntly the girls in my class weren't even mildly attractive. So in that sense there were only pop stars to masturbate to and there were no girls close to me that I could fantasize about and dream about some sort of romance fairytale ending with. That is really wat changed my behaviour then I think. So I started to put a serious effort into dating. First on Dutch dating sites (which was a disaster) and after that through the Dutch PUA community. This worked for me, though behaving a certain way to make girls like me felt ethically dubious, I was kind of desperate at this point in time. I got my first date, first kiss, first girlfriend, first everything at 21. After me and my first girlfriend broke up I became more and more competent at picking up girls and I finally had my Bacherlor's degree. I started travelling for a year. I saw many beautiful sights, I met many interesting people with interesting insights, I picked up some more girls. By the time I came back I deemed myself compentent enough to help other guys in the PUA scene. Word got around and I was hired as a dating coach. In this position you cannot only see how females behave when they are seduced, but also how males behave when they try to seduce a female. This had become a really interesting study of human behaviour all of a sudden. I decided to quit as a dating coach and also to quit dating for a while. I read quite a few books on evolutionary psychology and since then little of the fairytale romance that I chased as a young kid is left. I cannot and will never look the same way at women as I once did when I was nineteen, though I cannot really look the same way at men either but I think I always understood more of them unconsciously since I am a man myself. I have become a bit of a hermit since then. I don't date. I do socialize though I prefer a good one on one with a close friend and I currently don't work because of health problems. Masturbation always continued at the same rate (about once a day) though my view of both sexes, and how we interact with each other changed. Whenever I masturbate it is a lot more hollow since, though I can still enjoy the beauty of a girl, there is much less to fantasize about. It seems time consuming and something you just do to get that boner away than anything else. It is not enjoyable, and if I want to have sex again, I want to enjoy it. Also, I'd like to tame my own reproductive instincts a little. There are far greater things that could occupy my mind than just getting that boner away.. Last but not least. Timing is convenient. My health problems are with my right arm, which after surgery I won't be able to move for two months. I always fapped with my right hand, so that won't be possible after surgery. If anyone has questions or comments, feel free to ask.
Quite a story and it's very interesting that a real PUA branded dating coach has decided to call it quits. Very respectable decision and great timing. By the way, that's a lot of typing you've done give your injury. I'd say that shows real commitment. Wishing you the best on your journey here and beyond. And yeah take care of that arm and try not wasting it on M when it's healed.
On a lighter note, this might be helpful - http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/fapping-with-left-hand-harder.37967/
Thanks Firdi, I haven't had my surgery yet so right now typing is still relatively easy. Maybe it's me but I have some trouble navigating this forum. Perhaps you could help me out. I think I'll start with a ten day 'hard mode' challenge before surgery and then perhaps a ninety days after surgery. Do you think that is somewhat realistic for someone who has never really had a porn addiction? What are the sort of basic need-to-know tips for a NoFap newbie? Are there some tools I could use before I get started? (for example the toolbar below your post seems like it could come in handy).
Jongleerbeer, the only difference in approach I have seen here for porn addicts is that they are advised to install the K9 porn blocker. Also, there's the standard pep talk YouTube videos about porn stars not really enjoying it and how they are exploited and stuff like that. I guess you won't be needing them because porn is not your problem. There are there standard three videos including a famous Ted talk called "Your Brain on Porn" which is highly recommended to a newbie. Again, these are mostly related to how porn effects the brain which you may not be so inclined towards given that it's not really a problem for you. If your interested, check out http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/the-fourth-essential-video-for-nofap.35842/ Hard mode is quitting cold-turkey with no sexual activity of any kind. Basically just allowing the mind to 'reboot' back to factory settings minus the corruption from unnatural acquired behavioral wiring. There is no standard pattern or formula approach I have found consistent as there is a wide variety of sexual deviance that I encountered on here each with a different success dynamic discovered through trial and error. In other words, there is no standard documented manual or algorithm as far a my awareness goes. I'm relatively new to NoFap and there are many on here that can give you much better advise. That said, based on what worked for me, you may find these tips helpful. Start a NoFap journal - It is recommended practice to jot down a log of your journey and share whatever you want to. There is great power in knowing there are others who respect and appreciate your efforts and your struggles will help somebody in a similar predicament. I found it therapeutic to come back to my own previous entries when things got tough. Know why your doing this - I think this is very important. A realization is different from motivation. The first streak after I joined the forum was easy but staying consistent became a problem until I had deep spiritual realizations which resulted in better abstinence. I think NoFap requires a change in world-view rather than using raw will-power to enforce a change in habits. It's kind of like the 'inner game' of NoFap. There are no triggers visible when your focusing on the light. Understand your triggers - Is there something in particular that is causing you to start fantasizing? Is chatting with a particular girl making you horny? Whatever it is, observe what they are and avoid them. Try to catch the whispers before they overcome you. Do something - Your triggered. Now what? Don't just sit there waiting for your mind to get engulfed with the fantasy and get into the point of no return. Do something about it. Some suggest taking cold showers. Listen to music. Go outside. Exercise. Whatever works for you. There's also a famous relapse prevention tool that a generous member of the community has made. No edging - The only times you touch your penis is for peeing and maybe personal hygiene if your into that. Even morning wood is dangerous if your not careful. Beware of the chaser effect - It's just like when you quit smoking for a long time and have one just for old times sake. Next thing you know, you've finished an entire packet in one hour. It's the same with fapping. We are all humans and we will fall down sometime and if you do, get back up, brush yourself and know your extra vulnerable. For me even wet-dreams have led to relapse because the dopamine fix urge was reintroduced in my system. Focus - Shift focus to productive activities. If you don't see it, you won't go there. To get your counter, click on any other counter and you can setup yours including a predated one. You can modify your signature as you wish. Hoping this will be helpful for you. Best of luck.
