@jobbyj , most of the times they make me pause and think it twice. Now that I have reinstalled the K9 (because three weeks ago I had a couple of bad days and almost relapsed with escorts) I have created a password which is much harder to remember. It is a series of 10 numbers. I chose it randomly and wrote it in my cell phone in Notes, in the same place where I have my "Emergency Toolbox" set of readings about why I should not get back to porn. So every time I need to enter my password (which happens often because K9 is very jealous and blocks non-related porn sites too), I force myself also to read some of this readings. Keep on fighting Fercho
Do you really succeed in reading about why you should not get back to fap? You're great...When urged, I would go directly to read the password to disable porn blocker, unconcerned about anything else
Fercho, Your story is inspirational. Like you I have been through the seedy motels, the escorts, even a divorce... You are on the right path with a woman you love & value. Stick with it and keep inspiring others like me...
so inspiring. To think after being PMO-free for so long you're still constantly battling. Hugely motivated by your willpower. Keep fighting!
Thank you very much @SanityOverVanity (nice nickname BTW), I appreciate your comment. Will Power is the key here, we need to say no to urges and temptations that we know they are destroying us Fercho
Hurricane Irma is coming to Miami. We have been frenzy of the previous days, running to buy supplies, gas, installing the shutters on our windows, etc. Suddenly, everything sounds quiet. Streets began to be empty, everybody who could already left. We will be leaving tonight to DC too (it is my birthday on Tuesday and do not want to spend it in my house with flood and no power), but I am sitting down in my shuttered house waiting for the time of our flight. This gave me time to think about how minuscule we are in the presence of the force of Nature, or in front of God's rage, if you are religious. We are every day running our lives, trying to support our families, studying, working. Fighting PMO or any other addiction we have. We never pause to realize that this is a crazy race to nowhere. We always want more and more, we never want to accept us as we are, with our positive and negative things. PMO is an expression of this for many of us. We could not accept who we are, we felt inadequate , we had low-esteem. And we chose to hide behind the "siren song" of PMO, with the promise to be happy if we get immerse in that fake world of porn, hook-up sex and escorts (at least in my case it was the "perfect triple"). We know it is a lie, but we come back again and again, "just one more time before quitting". It is just in these moments of intense stress, when I see how a huge storm is coming to my place, threatening to destroy my house and everything around, that I stop for a moment and think: "what have I been doing all this time? Why have I spent so much time and effort trying to be someone I am not? Why cannot accept myself as who I am?". The storm will pass over and hopefully the destruction will not be so big. We will reconstruct our lives and return to our daily life. Hopefully I will not forget what how I feel today, and stop running to chase the golden fantasy instead of enjoying my life every day as if it where the last day. As Jason Mraz sings: " There's no need to complicate, our time is short". Stay strong Fercho
I feel you Fercho. Its funny how stopping PMO dont solve all the problems. At least in your case it wasnt enough to stop the hurricane.
I use Covenant Eyes. Even though I have control over it and can disable it at any time, my three accountability partners would get an immediate e-mail notifying them that I'd uninstalled ... and I'd have to be ready with a damn good reason. I haven't looked at porn on my computer in months as a result.
Looks like you failed to break the neurotransmitter connection inside your brain. What have you done so far was just breaking the traffic (PMO related activities inside your brain), not the real bridge (PMO neurotransmitter). There is as strong connection from part of your brain which controls emotion and feeling towards the part of the brain which provides sexual (PMO) gratitutions which you already built and have for 40 YEARS inside your brain. The PMO neurotransmitter bridge is still there stand still inside your brain (This is the Gremlin), it gives you unlumited access to a obstacles free highway of PMO memories and PMO gratitution whenever you feel depressed or anxiety. That's why even after 2 years of nofap journey, PMO still always an option for you. Set your life completely free from PMO, break the neurotransmitter bridge now, consult with a neurologist doctor
Thank you so much @SanityOverVanity for your good wishes. We arrived to Washignton DC Thursday night sound and safe. We are waiting now for the hurricane to pass by, it seems that Miami will not be so damaged, unfortunately our brothers n the Gulf Coast will be Fercho
Try Cold Turkey,Block Porn Through Hosts File And Set random password on the hosts file so you can't edit it and use norton secure DNS.
Thank you. I'll try Cold Turkey. My router doesn't allow changing DNS, because it's supplied by my internet provider (a telephone operator) and its settings are blocked. I can only set on pc, via Network configurations, but when in fapping urge it's esay to change DNS and override blocks, since I am the administrator of my pc.
If I'd be able to overlook or dominate urges entirely by myself, I wouldn't look for a porn blocker...Sometimes fap urge is imperoius and doesn't allow to be persuaded, so I also need the help of a software blocker...possibly inescapable. Not everybody can succeed in dominating his urges counting only on his willpower: the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak...
If you survive: that's the problem. Blessed are you who managed to dominate urges only with your willpower, without needing a blocker... As I told in an old post, we are often like kids who would like to eat lots of ice cream, even knowing that later it might be bad. The only thing that blocks them is not their (weak) willpower, but only a a beautiful scolding by their parents...