I'm new here, I want to change, please help

mikepian · Aug 21, 2015

Fordfanboy2010 said: ↑

You're awesome, Mike!! Thanks for the help and support. 3 days clean so far!
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Great, buddy!
One more to make four....
Peace. Mike

lyad3618 · Aug 22, 2015

mikepian said: ↑

You got it, buddy! Glad you're here. We support each other with ideas, strategies, understanding, and, yes, sometimes challenges.

While the pain of this addiction and relapses is uniquely yours, I'd be confident to say that there's nothing in your story that guys here have not also faced. As you may have seen, we are all ages, faiths or no faith, worldwide, married or single, etc. We hold in common our manhood and our often fragile hold on abstinence or purity.

Some suggestions of things I've found helpful in getting/staying clean:

1. Take some time and write down reasons why you want to be free of PMO. Review these often.

2. Fill in the blanks: As a Man who no longer PMOs,
I will be....
I will feel....
I will be able to....
My wife/children will say that I....
People will see that I....

All the above are your motivators.

3. Exercise hard daily, make yourself sweat. You might have to get up earlier....

4. Cold showers! They may suck at first, but they're great for reducing your lust and clearing your head.

5. Go to bed when your wife does. Do not be the last one up at night.

6. No cell phone or tablet, etc. in private places, like the bathroom. Also use effective porn blockers--have your wife set and keep the passwords.

7. If at all possible, don't be alone in the house. Should that happen, you can get out, jog, visit a friend, do a house chore, fix a meal, come on here at nofap.com, etc.

8. You will always see cute girls/women--mall, beach, on "innocent" movies, tv, internet, etc. Even though not porn, they sure can be triggers. You can't Prevent porny thoughts and urges, but we all know you definitely can Control them. So, no fantasizing over real time triggers, or over whatever your memory or imagination brings up.

9. "Hard core" is going for a period of time with no orgasm at all (wet dreams excluded). You would have to discuss this first with your wife. Some guys go hard mode because they have found that orgasms with their wives during their recovery period (streak) can have a "chaser effect"--make them want to give themselves additional Os.

10. Many (most?) guys here pursue noPMO--no looking at porn, or even peeking; no masturbation to the point of ejaculating. Lots also find that P substitutes (like girls in bathing suits, cheerleaders, etc) are often triggers too, and they include them along with P. Same goes for edging. Most exclude it, for obvious reasons.

11. When I finally stopped MOing, I started getting wet dreams. They might happen for you, too. BUT, they do not break your clean streak or set you back in any way. Just don't fantasize over them the next a.m.

12. I suggest that you set up your counter and describe your goal for a certain length of time. You might start with a brief streak, such as 3 or 7 days. Achieve your goal, give yourself a little reward, then go for more. One day at a time, even one hour, if necessary!

As you have found, buddy, this is a crushingly difficult fight. We experience a real mix of emotions, all jumbled together--nervous, scared, discouraged, peaceful and calm, joy, freedom, and near-despair. We gotta stay strong and push on. There will come a time, after you have had some long streaks, that you will see that it gets a little "easier"--because you are building up a solid habit of being clean. But the fight never ends, because the temptations and triggers don't either. Remain vigilant.

Post here often, man. Read the journals and forums, such as ages 30-39, or Successes.

If I can help, please PM me on my profile or reply here.

Peace, big bro. Mike
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This is a great post Mike, it provides a concise strategy/steps to go by to really anchor the bad behavior and begin
to foster a new set of behaviors. It is WE who must take that first step, and HOLD OURSELVES accountable with
a daily, even hourly NO TOLERANCE policy. We have to attack this malady with positive anger, positive energy. In
my opinion the anger element will keep us honest. As I look back at all the time and opportunities I lost by being
engaged in this crap, I get angry and vow not to fall, one day at a time.

Peace to you bro.

God Speed.

mikepian · Aug 22, 2015

Hey big bro,
Thank you for your kind comments.
I really like your term, "positive anger"! That's a great and effective way to use our "excess" energies in a way that makes sense.
Oh, yeah, and major props on 30 clean days, lyad!
Keep rolling on that "midnight train" down there.
Peace, buddy. Mike

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I'm new here, I want to change, please help

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