Hi everyone. I'm 47, married for 20 years and counting, 3 children. I was always aware of my masturbation addiction problem. I always thought it was a bad choice of mine. It wasn't until a couple of years ago that I realized that I am an addict and that I have to do something about it. This issue has been influencing my life in many ways: lack of self-esteem, insecurity, shame, guilt, bad mood. And it has also influenced my relationship with my family. (e.g. I have stopped having sexual relations with my wife because I preferred to masturbate in front of a screen). I have come to Nofap a few years ago. I never subscribed but I tried to reboot. It was very successful, it lasted 8 months and rarely in my life did I feel so good about myself. Proud, active, happy, good father and husband. I focused on training, riding a bike, playing sports. Unfortunately I had a relapse and fell back into all the old bad habits. I would love to be able to end this torture once and for all. I imagine I have to start with a reboot again, but then I don't know how to continue. My willpower has a limit and habits are very ingrained. Any advice, suggestions, tips, or encouragement you can give me would be very, very welcome. Thanks in advance and I admire everyone who is trying to get through this. Greetings
May I ask if your wife knows about your PMO? And you’re right, willpower alone will not help you overcome this. What help have you sought, i.e. therapist, support group, accountability partner? For me, it was digging deep and trying to understand why I went to PMO in the first place, and then trying to work on those issues with a therapist and joining a few support groups, did I make some real progress. You can do this, for you, for your wife and family and your relationships.
Hey Kicker. Welcome. I'm in the same situation as you. 41 y-o, married for 13 years, father to 3 children. I tell you what works for me: Just keep coming to this forum, express your feelings, get in touch with them. In my case, it's emotional pain what I'm numbing through masturbation. I stopped and relapsed over and over, but I won't let that let me down. This is an everyday battle. I must win this EVERY DAY, it's not a day you quit and you're done forever. Once an addict, always an addict. I'm learning to deal with all my emotional pain, with my original family issues, through journaling, sporting, reading books (good books, essays, and non fictional) and keeping healthy conversations with other members in order to grow as a better person. I don't want to be a slave to masturbation again never. Find the reason why you're masturbating in the first place. Once you know it, you'll have the starting point to be working from. It's hard, but it's worth it.
Hey Brother, you're in the right place! The frustration and struggle you described is familiar territory for all of us. If you look around on the forums you will see a variety of methods that people are using, and you can see if any of it resonates with you. Your specific pathway is going to be unique, but I think there are some universals. 1. Understand yourself. You started that process by recognizing this as an addiction. Now you need to dig into how that addiction operates. And you need to learn how to observe yourself - analyze your own thoughts, become aware of your triggers, and learn to spot the tricks that your brain plays on you. Your brain is (falsely) convinced that you need this, and it's going to throw all kinds of things at you to get you to panic or turn back when you're detoxing. Ride it out. Be mindful and accept that this is part of the process, it will pass, and with time and consistency your brain will change. 2. Eat the elephant. You can't do it all at once - you have to take one bite at a time. Set manageable goals and keep going. This won't happen overnight, but the only way to get there is to keep going. 3. Quit kicking your own ass! You're not going to win by calling yourself a failure. You will believe what you say to yourself. If you fall, get back up and start walking again. If you relapse, this is where you can come to admit it, accept the reality that you did it, learn from how it happened, and refine your process. You can do this, and it helps to know you're not alone. 4. You can't make it just about avoiding porn - you need to build in an alternative, so that eventually the pathways that used to lead to porn will lead to something else. It's important to add something good in your life to replace the bad thing you want to get out. At some point you learned (probably without realizing it) to self-medicate with PMO because something was missing in your life. What's missing? And what's going to bring something good into your life? You can't just not do something - you need something else to do. Alright, that's enough from me. You'll find what you need. I'm glad you're here. It will get better!
