I used to go to elementary school with one girl. We were good friends, but our relationship ended at school. When we went to high school we didn't talk to each other, until now. About a month and a half ago we met at the gym and I decided to talk to her. I invited her for coffee and since that day I can't remember a day when I didn't think about her. She has a wonderful character, is very intelligent, has an extensive faith, has passions, interests, life goals, ambitions, she just became my ideal. She also believes that love grows out of friendship which is huge green flag for me. When we meet, time simply does not matter. Recently we were supposed to meet for an hour because she had a college exam the next day, and we ended up going to sushi for 5 hours. There is never silence in these conversations, and if there is it is because we look into each other's eyes and laugh. Ok, that's the background story, and here are my problems that I would love to hear your opinion about: 1. Is it good that sometimes I have such moments that I completely switch off because I think about her? I mean I just can't focus on anything else but her. I try to somehow wake up from it but sometimes it's just stronger. 2. Sometimes I feel that I would like to write her that she is wonderful, that I think about her and that I want the best for her, but I don't want to write it because she will think I am desperate or weird. 3. There is absolutely no physical contact in our relationship. I know that her previous crush treated her very objectively and that I may have such tendencies myself due to my addiction, and I don't want her to have flashbacks. I feel strange every time we have to say hello or goodbye, because we just part ways possibly waving to each other. I would also like to hold hands with her someday... 4. I have no idea what to do with this relationship. I'm afraid that one day in some emotional surge I will tell her how I feel. On the one hand, I would like to be friends with her, go to the climbing wall together (our shared hobby), go on trips and just get to know each other until we are both sure of the relationship. On the other hand, I want to be with her here and now, openly tell her about my feelings and already start building a relationship together.
I don't think these thoughts are bad, but if they pull into daily life activities and make you loose focus on every thing else, it could be a problem. When I was in my firs Teen age relationship this was a sabotage for me, then not focusing on myself or what she wanted better for me to do. I just thought about my intentions with her. Dude this ain't a problem go for it. The least she should feel is flattered. If you two are already sharing ideas, thoughts, and goals, this shouldn't be bad. Like if your first getting to know her this would be but your already going out and having 5 hour meet ups. I would just ask her about how she feels towards you if this is something you both can do with each other. If she's comfortable then you're on the right step. Patience makes a good relationship work, being pushy is not good.
Happy for you brother, just make sure not to end with one sided love, that really hurts. Good Luck my friend.
Ima be real with you, I'm 45 days in and I think the best thing for you to do is to tell her. Tell her you like her and have feelings for her. If she rejects you, you got your answer and you can move tf on. Letting these feelings sink in your stomach is terrible for you. And if you have any wisdom at all, you'll share them with her on your own terms. If she's not into you, I'm sure you can stay friends as it's clear you both still enjoy each other. And if either of you don't wanna be friends after that, it's not the end of the world if you stop seeing each other. Go for it the day you see this. Schedule a meetup with her, it's okay if it's not the same day, it's okay if the next day or the day after. Your goal is to tell her how you feel on this hangout. If you don't find a good moment for it, you have to call her on that same day once you're back home. Do. It. I fucking believe in you bastard, go for it.
Bro do NOT tell her you like her or have feelings for her or any craps like that. Do that AFTER she falls for you. Normally I would say after sex a few times. But if you two are both religious (as you mentioned the word faith) then at least after you kiss. You're too needy and it's no good for anybody. Imagining her as the perfect ideal is not good for either of you. She's not as perfect as you think, and girls do not like guys who think they're perfect or worship them, because they don't want to disappoint the guys (among other reasons). Do read Mark Manson's Models - Attract Women through Honesty. It's the best thing you can do with relationship honestly. It explains good relationship mindset very well. But all this is of course easier said than done, so here are some specific tips. By not having physical contact and by being platonic, you're well on your way to being friendzoned. And don't bullshit yourself that you're happy just being friend. You need to be completely honest with yourself (again read Mark Manson's Models) The thing is transitioning from a friend to a lover gets harder the longer you're friend. You can feel that don't you? If you didn't touch her the first month, it gets harder and harder to touch her etc. But you NEED to make this transition. Here's a safe way: You can organise to have a coffee or whatever later on, when she agrees then half-jokingly say 'ok it's a date then' and watch her reaction. If she says something like 'sure' or just laughs, this is good. If she looks uncomfortable or says 'I don't know about that' or 'it's not a date', do not be affected, be non-reactive and jokingly say 'we'll see about that, come anyway'. It's very important you use the word date. She either accepts it's a date, or because you said it in a jokingly manner, she'd be confused whether it's a date or not. Either way is fine. Either way, it is still more than a simple hang out, and a lot of things suddenly because acceptable now. For example you can hug her when you see her. An easy thing to do is offer her your arm so that you walk Wizard of the Oz style. Just offer your arm, it's not romantic and in fact quite funny, and the vast majority of the girls take that by reflect, very few girls won't take it. So you see the key is to show your interest in subtle ways and flirting in a jokingly or half-jokingly manner, and see her reaction. If the reaction is good, then turn the dial up and be more obvious. You can try hug her left and right European style just to be funny. She might be confused whether it's a joke or not. Doesn't matter, you still broke a physical barrier. If at any time you go too far and receive a hard rejection, again do not be affected. Say 'sorry I got carried away, but you are so (adjective, kind, nice, adorable etc.) that I had to ask you/try my luck/whatever'. Say you're sorry but do NOT actually sound sorry. If she rejects you it's also fine, at least now you know. Do it and let us know how it goes.
Damn, it's such an emotional writing here. I could feel the emotion you're having towards her which seems already big. 1. It's normal to feel difficult to not be over her. You have feelings for her that your brain probably likes to feel it that you keep getting reminded of her. 2. If you take a look at it yourself, that's all on you with speculation in your head. You never know what's going to happen. But, it's still your choice that you want to give it a try or not. She might find it wonderful that you wrote for her or, as you assume, a bit weird too. But I'd say, give it a try. Because regretting without action is way worse than regretting after the action. it's still your decision again. 3. There are lots of people who have such trauma. Even I have one. So, I might be able to speak for her. What I want is to build up emotional bond and trust before any intimacy. Once that's done, I'd feel comfortable enough to have intimacy but, I still want it to be slow. So you might take it slow with her, and simply asking her if it's okay to hold hands or give her hugs. 4. even if you said you didn't know what to do with the relationship, you seems clearly to have a romantic relationship with her. I think it's just gotta take it slow as you seem very nervous with her, and she sounds, based on your description, very discreet and delicate. Taking slow steps will end up giving you a better relationship with better quality I believe. Hope you make a good decision for yourself. Patience and Perseverance might be the keys to the success. Good luck bud
Since you're in this forum, I believe you're striving to be the man she deserves. This is a must, even when you get already in a relationship. Romantic love is positive, common, natural, but I do recommend you to stabilize this feeling through meditation. Don't wait for life to proceed, go after her!
Please listen to the users "sohardrn" and/or "pz15298" It is too painful to read this story knowing she might only see you as a friend and you are in love with her. Please at least move things forward a little bit, or at least see how she feels in a subtle, indirect way. Girls hang out with their other girlfriends for 5 hours at a sushi place and laugh and joke and look at each other in the eye. None of these things signify she likes you as more than a friend.
Plus, what if she indeed doesn't like him? It can be a possibility, and OP, that shouldn't blind you to other potential partners. So, @Kar0lu, be prepared to move on just in case. The only one able to make you happily fulfilled is yourself. Then if she makes you feel good, other girls will certainly come to do it alike. Through a mutual love, of course.
Ok guys, I just came back from cinema and we hugged for the first time. Things are getting serious lmao. Also I kinda changed my mindset, I understood that no matter what, she has to be number 2, because first one is Jesus. Besides, we started to talk much more openly with each other, so everything is going in the right direction. Thanks for your advices everyone
Hey man, this is beautiful. I hope everything goes right with you two and it seems they are. I won't give you any advice because everyone is different and so the same thing will not work with everybody but for fuck's sake don't tell her you have feelings for her just yet. I've done this stupid shit and it messed things up for me before. I would say keep @pz15298's tips in mind, they seem solid.
Sounds like you are at a point that you xan just tell her. Even if she rejects you I feel that you can still be friends.
