Well, as we all know pornstars are just regular performers selling their body just for money. Many of them are married and even having kids. I had been watching milf category porn since my addiction. But things just went crazy when I came to know that many of the milf performers are real-life mother. That totally shocked me. I couldn't take the two images easily (though I am very free minded)that a woman is both a mother and pornstar. As a result, I unconsciously grew up a fantasy which was making me relapsed for many months. I know that may be a laughable post for many. But that fantasy is really killing me. I get unusual arousal at anytime thinking about that and even my masturbation habit is gradually being dominated by that unusual unrealistic taboo. Currently Working with CBT but any further suggestions ??
I respectfully disagree with this. I've been fighting my addiction for over 6 years now and the addiction hasn't gone away. The desires to look up fetishes I used to look up all the time when I was alone are still there, it just elgets easier to fight those desires with experience.
I don't think those urges will ever go away. I mean no matter how weak the neural pathways becomes, there is still change to revive. All we should focus is keeping those urges under control so that our behaviour doesn't get influenced by them and we don't experience any symptoms caused by them.
That fetish probably is P-induced. Try to stay away from P for 90 - 120 days and see what happens. As many stated above, probably it's not going to fade away, so by all means, look for help and talk with a therapist or a group for sex addicts and see if they could help you.
I respect your point of view,well it depends if the fetish is p-induced or no, for me personally, i know that my fetishes are p-induced, and the longer i am on a streak the weaker they get, even though i have never been on a very long streak, but my personnal experience is, for example lets take an X unkown fetish, when i am relapsing and pmoing daily, the fetish is almost a lifestyle for me, when i get on a new streak, in the first week i get constant cravings daily about the fetish, after 20 days it comes to my mind but not every single hour, it comes like once a day, once when i reached 50 days on a streak i became somehow disgusted by my fetish, the moment i relapsed after a few days i went back to the old rabbithole and started enjoying it and craving it, and a friend of mine said that the fetish keeps knucking in your brain until he reached a year an a half, that is when he no longer had any interest and became fully disgusted by the fetishes.
That may have happened for your friend, and I definitely speak only for myself, but in over 6 years in recovery, and working in SA, I've never seen or heard of that happening with anyone else. But if it did, then great for him, but I feel like that's not normal for most sex/porn/lust addicts.
Sometimes a fetish is just novelty + escalation, for general escapist purposes, but sometimes it directly touches a nerve. Some unmet need, or a traumatic experience, is being addressed by that particular genre or fetish, and that requires a different approach. I don’t think it’s too strange, btw. MILF and “Step mom” porn is popular, and an unmet nurture need makes sense. All porn does in that case is to provide a sexual component on top of the fantasy meeting that basic desire, to make it more intense. It is unnatural though. Moms are for caring, not for sex. I’m no psychotherapist, and I haven’t gone in this direction as a patient, either. What I can recommend is investing time in understanding where the fantasy is inaccurate, how an overtly sexual mother would be extremely off-putting in a non-pornographic context. Try to figure out exactly what it is about this particular fantasy that you find compelling, and try to find a way to meet your legitimate needs in a non-sexual context. Try to remind yourself, frequently, that the porn version is a lie, that it’s unrealistic, that it would only compound the problem, and that there are better ways to meet your basic needs. It’s not going to fix anything right away. Feelings are stubborn, and lies are extremely easy to believe when they appeal so strongly to us. Time and effort are what you need to overcome this obstacle to your recovery. That means patience, and persistence. Keep at it, compile more clean days than not, and you’ll break free.
I agree. Sometimes at night I still think about my favorite vids and get some pleasure, but the NEED to go watch them is gone now.
No, not really. Because most women won't want to do what a sex addict wants to do....things he's seen in porn videos. That will ofyen times make an addict want to keep on engaging the addiction in private.
Yup. But, the good news is that you're aware of your addiction and can take active steps to fight it! In my opinion, the best way is to join the 12 step SA group and to get into CSAT therapy.
No. Different ideas are floated as to why, but you can look around and see plenty of guys in relationships who struggle with porn. I think it’s because porn is distinctly not sex, that we’re seeking something different from the two, but I’ve been known to be wrong.
I agree 1000% with this. Masturbation, with or without porn, is never an act of connection. Married or not, M is an act of selfishness. For a lust addict, that's never okay. I am absolutely NOT speaking about people who don't struggle with an addiction to lust. In my opinion, having sex with someone while fantasizing about anyone else is exactly the same as masturbation: it's nothing but selfishness.
