after only 9 days i fucked up and it wasn't even fun , I feel like a screw up as a person ... I tried many times before my best was 11 monthes then i fucked up , i feel like a total shit it has conquered my will ... I'm staring to think it's impossible ... I'm about to give up ...
Relapses are part of the process of recovery- feeling upset because you relapsed is normal, but not good for you. Try and work through this, and consider why you relapsed: http://recoveryroadmap.com/Members/RP-Pages/RP5-IfYouRel.html
9 days is still pretty good though man. I know how you must feel because I've been there but you have just got to get your head around the fact that relapse happens and try again. Don't let it get to you try not to dwell on it.
I'm struggling with the first day! Feel proud you lasted that long and just consider it a minor blip. It's like quitting smoking.