I'm a very lively flamboyant cheerful person, I love to laugh and be the center of attention yet sometimes I can come across abrasive with a bad attitude. I have a temper and I fear its only getting worse. A little background of me. I was a porn addict for nearly 2 decades. My curiosity as a little boy is what led me down the rabbit hole . My teens is when my addiction took a turn for the worse. Back then(mid 00's) they're wasn't no PMO/NOFAP forums so what I thought what I did was normal, I was very misguided. Pops wasn't in my life, been the only child so I grew up very lonely. When it came to socializing and expressing myself I struggled because I was underdeveloped compared to other kids @ the time plus It didn't help I was frail AF(still am lol) so I got picked on ALOT but I aint gone shit up here and lie and say I didnt do my fair share of bullying and teasing. Shit happens we all did things we were not proud of. Top that off with me not "fitting" in any social setting Oh it gets even worse. My 20's is when things really took a dark path. I was so lost and depressed. Long story short meet the wrong crowd of people got hooked on hard drugs like methamphetamine, crack cocaine. Imagine being alive but spirituality emotionally being dead that's what it was like for me for 8 years. Put being a daily porn addict in the mix you have person off his purpose in life. I thought about ending my life several times during that time. Going what I when through made me so much stronger person emotionally, spiritually. I've gained so much wisdom in that time period. Sorry for the ramble got off topic. Now that I complete stopped watching any porn or M/O. I'm dealing with ALOT of anger. I channel my energy to activities that I enjoy doing but some days better than the other . Im really going through @ the moment and been struggling for a couple of months. I have no job currently so I'm not bringing any source of income. Some semi truck blindsided my car so I'm dealing with that. I never had a girlfriend and only a few sexual encounters.Im in FUCKING heat, I want to MATE Im not getting those same sexual desires reciprocated back. I refuse to be celibate for the rest my life and Im never going back to PMO so what other choices do I have? It's me making me very aggressive and want to FIGHT. Im not a bully I dont go looking for a terrible, Im a small dude, size does matter in most cases but I have so much rage that Im mentally prepared to get knocked out or knock someone out lmao!
You don't have to have all the answers right now. It's OK to take it one step at a time. I suggest meditating. Meditation has blessed my life tremendously and I'm confident that it can help you too. At night time, sit on a comfortable chair or your bed and just focus on your breathing. Focus on taking big breaths in and out. If you want to visualize something, go right ahead, that could benefit you as well. Practice meditating even when you aren't suffering from an intense fit of anger. If you can do that during a calm time, you will be well prepared for the times in which the anger arises. Equipping yourself is definitely a wise thing to do. Other than that, I would suggest aromatherapy. I burn incense in my room and it helps. It calms me down and gets me into a spiritual state of mind. Give it a shot, mate. I'm rooting for you!
I struggle with anger too. I notice when I am stressed, that my reaction is to be angry stress is at the root of most of my anger.. I need to learn how to manage stress better I think
You need to have some goals and daily habbits. I would be restless too when I got nothing to do. Find a job; it provides more then just income (hapiness, social friends, something to do, etc, etc)
Meditation is an absolute savior for me personally. I totally agree that meditating even in relaxed times re-enforces a good habit.
Meditation is a great advice. Plus to have more rest and more time for yourself only. I've decided recently to start using dissertation services online https://academized.com/dissertation-writing-service as i clearly see now that i can't manage things by myself only. It was difficult to admit at the beginning, but now i made my peace with that and relaxation is definitely great for my energy level.
