I'm not sure if tonight is the night but I'm seeing the girl that I have had a thing for over the past 2 years. I kinda never thought I would have the opportunity to date her but it is here. I have never really been sexually active and I am past 6 months nofap. 3 weeks ago I got my first ever erection to a girl without porn while dancing with her and 3 days ago I fell into a minor flatline and now I'm anxious I feel like I should tell her about pied and also that she was one of the major influences on me giving up pmo even though at that time she was in a long term relationship and I never saw the two of us together as something that would happen. I know I'm not ready for sex, how do I tell her my whole life story basically without scaring away the girl I've wanted for so long. I don't wanna sound crazy.. what if she doesn't believe all of these negative things pmo causes are true?!
This is a pretty heavy topic for some people to listen to. I've found it can make others really uncomfortable. This is only a date right? I don't think you need to tell her about it now. Others here will have 10x better advice than me but yea. I wish you all the best and I'm envious of your strength to beat PMO!
We have been good friends for 2 years and I feel that she is a very compassionate and understanding person. We have already hooked up and she went to reach in my pants last time I saw her but I stopped her. Idk how I can put it off much longer. We are starting a workout program together and have just started making plans to travel together. I really don't know what to do.. and of course for the first time in months I'm in a flatline and social anxiety is back. I thought it was out of my life for good.
I'm kind of starting to have a minor panic attack and I'm seeing her in an hr. I have off work tomorrow so there's no reason she won't be sleeping over if she is off tomorrow too. Totally unsure of what to do I'm not gonna be able to be my usual easygoing self as easily tonight
Hey man, you and this girl seem to be rather close, do you guys care for each other ? Are you at a state of your relationship when you're still trying to 'show off' sort of ? Anyway, if you're close to this girl and want to take it further, you should definitely talk to her about it. If she cares, she'll listen to your story. But an important part, in my opinion, is to not freak out. Maybe prepare the moment you're gonna tell her about it, and stay calm, don't act scared, or something, if you act like it's alright, she will go with it. Just talk about that like some process that you had to go through in order to become better, maybe don't go into details if she doesn't seem to want to hear of it, but that's it. Just act confident about it buddy, you've come this far with this girl you thought you'd never ever be even close to get, this little explanation is really not much in comparison of what you've overcome. Even if this had to screw this relationship up for some childish reaction on her part, that would be just a bullet dodged for you. Stay strong my brother, I know you will succeed. Much love.
Honestly as a girl, if you get into a situation that you can't get it up then just tell her the truth. You will find most girls will be freaking relieved it's not them.....especially if they start researching it. When my bf got limp it destroyed my ego bc he knew damn well what was happening....NOT THE WAY TO GO IF YOU CARE ONE IOTA ABOUT A PERSON. I honestly can't help but think she'd be flattered that she provided motivation for you to break away .....
You seem to have found the one and I am pretty sure she will understand if you explain it to her. It looks like you guys know each other really well and want to be together with each other first so that trumps everything. Chill man, you worked for it and you attracted the right partner!
I wouldn't just blurt it out out of nowhere, but if it comes up in conversation (or if you stop her again) I would be honest. Matters of the heart can be delicate, but you could use it as sort of a "shit test". If she seems compassionate and willing to be supportive, then she like you and you've got a good girl that will have your back when times are tough. If she gives you crazy eyes and thinks you're a freak, or starts gossiping to her girlfriends about it, then get rid off her, you're going to have worse relationship problems than PIED anyway. Always do subtle tests on your girlfriends. You're naive if you think they aren't doing that to you.
Bro I'll give you the best advice. say that you have been watching porn and it damaged your ability to develop intimacy with past woman and hence you've been abstinent for a while to try correct this. That way you don't look pathetic because you will have had some sexual history but also you are covering base as to why you can't have sex, or if you do have sex it gives you a perfect reason to take it slow without feeling the pressure that you need to be a Dynamo in bed. Definitely don't blurt your whole life story. You will scare her away. Maybe at a later date but be tactful.
Well tonight was pretty amazing honestly even though nothing REALLY happened. I just got home from being out with her all night and like just about always it never goes how you thought and stressed about. I arrived at the bar and met her coworkers and was having a mini anxiety attack which I think I hid very well. It's surprising honestly because I've been on a level of confidence over the past few months which is new to me. We didn't even kiss or anything but we talked for about 8 hrs straight one on one. We sat outside her house for 3 or 4 hrs talking and she seemed to have no interest in leaving, we also made several plans together over the next week. Even though nothing happened just talking to her so intimately makes me feel like it wired me right out of this mini flatline I've been struggling with. I'm now optimistic in a certain way even though pied is still there from what I can tell. Thank you all for your encouragement and responses and I'm sure this isn't the last encouragement I will need on this forum and I hope to one day encourage all of you in some way. Thank you
Well I don't know how I thought it was a great night in retrospect. She had told me that she didn't remember hooking up with me that night and wanted me to tell her what happened, she wasn't upset at all about it I know she doesn't regret it. I'm not sure if she was lying because she was embarrassed or wanted me to "show her" what happened but I had the perfect opportunity to kiss her and I didn't. In a way it took a lot for me not to, but I was feeling extremely anxious that day and almost in shock that I was flatlining again. I feel like absolute shit that I didn't do it, the timing of this flatline is absolutely terrible. We were texting for the past month and it has stopped now. I really don't know what to do I want to keep pushing forward with her but I also want time to heal that I feel like I don't have in this situation. I feel like this is a small window to take something further with a friend and it won't last if I don't time it right. I'm also really upset that she doesn't remember that night it was quite literally one of the best nights of my life. This flatline and this girl have me so stressed that my energy is extremely low and I have a cold sore that broke out for the first time that I got a couple months ago from another girl but I never had it very pronounced because of my mood at the time and my immune system. It's really fucking me up and I'm starting to feel that I still have a long way to go before this pied is gone because the porn I watched was never "normal" and I started very young way younger than most. I was on the internet watching that filth for years before I even had my first orgasm. To make matters worse my friend who met her like twice was sexual with her and I think she only did it because she thought I was sleeping with someone else in the next room that night and she asked me the other night if I was dating her and I told her I wasn't and that nothing happened her expression totally changed and I think she felt guilty. Meanwhile my friend told me he wouldn't get with her because of how I feel about her but is now asking me why I haven't slept with her yet. This pressure is absolutely crushing me, all of my friends are also asking how it's going and we're also supposed to play a show together in two days. I'm going to back out though I think I don't feel like I can handle it all of a sudden. It's been so long that I've wanted this girl and she introduced herself to me and started hitting me up like two years ago now and I just feel useless and dead and that the timing could not be worse. I'm sorry for being so bipolar about this and ranting but I'm truely lost and feel like I have nowhere else to turn in this situation. Keeping this all in is really eating at me but I don't want to tell anybody in "real life"
I'm fighting my self destructive side with everything I have right now, a side of me that I thought was long gone..
You can do it man! I'm On day one, so you're a lot further than me, and I realize that there's probably a lot of things that will happen that I'm not even aware of; but take it minute by minute if you have to, even secondl by second if need be. You can do anything for a minute, ya know?
Good luck to you I'm hesitant to make posts like this because being around the 200 day mark I really don't want to discourage people from taking this on with all the effort they have in them. The benefits are real, the women attraction is real. I've experienced all of the benefits to some extent and they have gotten me this far. I'm just ready to move on from this and never look back and be with the girl of my dreams but fucking pied is making me a little bitch about it and frustrating me to no end. If it weren't for this I would be quite literally the happiest I've ever been. Keep going you honestly have no other option, pmo and pied will take the strongest man and tear him apart given enough time.
Hey man, Not gonna lie your situation looks rather dire, but to me, it looks like she's waiting for you, and the fact that she said she doesn't remember the night is not something against you, it's just her wondering what she did wrong and if she thought things were going faster than they actually were. I think you care a lot about her, and it looks she cares about you to, so you should just stop and break it down to her. There are times when showing your weakness to somebody is also an act of trust, and that might touch her that you do so, and even more that you like her a lot (love?). Your pied problems might also come from the stress you're keeping inside. Anyway this situation has to stop, right now, for your own good. Every sign that she cares for you is there. Go see her. Stay strong brother. Much love.
Thanks! i hate that I never knew about all of this through the years and years but I suppose that now is only a little worse than five minutes ago, and way better than starting five minutes from now
Yeah I'm really stressing. This is more stress than I've ever felt about anything. I've never opened up like that to anybody though and I don't know how. That was why I created this thread in the first place. I also feel now like I might still have a long way to go before I can be where I want to be. Part of me wants to ride out this flatline so I can explain it when I'm in a better place and not anxious and struggling to get my words out. The added pressure of everyone asking me why I'm not going for it when everyone knows I want it is killing me. It's just the last thing I want to do to admit this I just want it fucking gone so I can be who I really want to be and feel is the real me.
You gotta make that move man.. I'm in the same boat. I never made that move to kiss this girl even and she was telling everybody how she didn't think I was interested . People are quick to assume . Even if you just make small steps and don't tell her the whole story. At first I told this girl I'm practicing celibacy for awhile to make myself a better person. She accepted it and encouraged me and made me feel comfortable enough to where i could tell her about my pied. I wish you luck man! Message me if you need to talk about anything
Yeah I'm going to have to talk to you I appreciate that. I'm really at the end of the line with this, I'm lost
Do I tell her how I feel first? I really shoulda done that last time.. or do I tell her about that and pied at the same time? I gotta say something. Should I say that I was hesitant to tell her how I felt because I have this problem(pied) and then elaborate?
