Sunset at 1/2 way through day 12 good day its hot and humid out . My balls ache every once n a while a little discomfort their there i know there there i feel u there im better than that though . I really do feel some changes going on im not real sad anymore . I been drinking beer more , not getting plastered , enjoying relaxing times , i talk to people more , that fog lifted it was a real feeling it was wierd . I got a boner the other day so i know it still works . Chronic masturbation is awful and a crutch . I love my friends my family , i cant share this with them . I maybe have one buddy i may fess up to for help but i dont know . But so far so good - J
I woke up to day 13 feel pretty good other than my leg hurting from my bike accident. I had an erotic dream last night and nice erection to go with it . That hasnt happened in years , went right back to sleep. No emission! NoFap either ! I'm rebooting ! I'm getting better. I'm single, live alone, I can do whatever I want whenever I want , it feeds selfishness I know , but I need to do this ,I'm on a good path
Good visit to doctor he said he give me vxxxxxra if need be , I don't think I need it ! I'm going to stay with NoFap for now great feeling great day
Aroused myself started to rub just a bit , not enough to edge or O ,just stiff , quick got outta bed went soft , just checkin , it works , felt good i wont lie , butt im better than that , work in progress on day 16
ummm , where do start tonight , my goal would be to kick depression define : im not sad i just want a different life , i show up to work do my job come home , watch a little TV pretty boring stuff . I quit the the porn weeks ago never did much for me filled a void i guess but living without it not bad kinda good . I wish my dad woulda taught me how to be a man vs. a boy . He never had a talk with me ever . kinda sad . but dad i forgive u it was a different time then . Masturbation i guess then would just go away but it never did for me . wasn't talked about . I'm gonna conquer this feeling of hateing myself ,my job , i do love and im a good person , i love and miss my buddy , i know hes str8 with the perfect life and all the others i know , but why cant i kick it im 16 days now , i like guys and girls too i so wanna be str8 and please god with my life , im gunna cry now crawl into bed hope tomorrow gunna be a good day with NoFap in the morn . once i get up and get goin i feel great , i did it for so long and so many years did i need it to get going like coffee ? The big O in the morning . Maybe ill do 10 pushups ? or chin ups in the morn a goal yes ? Are those cold showers real ? I cant say enough bout the porn it not a big deal to me its the MO , is there results at the end if i hold out , i do feel some changes .
Working already feel good , no wood this morning. Mornings for me are the most difficult, but I made it out the house in good time. - J
My brother yesterday flashed a pic on his phone to me, how sad it must be for him , his whole life occupied by that shit, been years . 66yrs old & pics on his phone he'll never learn , his whole life been ruled by his cock
Good, honest journal. Good account of your real struggle. Keep being brave mate. We are about the same age, and I too struggle big time with my love of men. You are winning this. Dont give in. Cheers. Andy
day 19 more than half over . day 20 around the corner , I really am feeling the effect of the NoFap cloud removal , i went to a church service and sang in a real loud voice and it felt good to me , a positive , mental vibe . I dont want to go back wasting my seed , not that its sacred but it cant be healthy . I developed some very pleasing masturbation habits and fantasies even this morning i had several , but quickly dismissed them . Thoughts precede action . Roll out of bed quickly keep your device out of reach . I want to make at least 30 .
Woke up with major wood this morning, I never touched my dick , I could feel it pulsing rubbed a little against the soft sheets but I refocused again ,went soft in no time ready to get going now , I no doubt will cum again but it will be on my terms . Not a slave to my dick , I rule it , it doesn't rule me .
This is day 20 Tomorrow day 21 who knew , I never thought in a million years i could leave this behind , Masturbation , self pleasing , all things self . I really have been thinking clearer . I may stick around Nofap for a while but i think i may have to leave sometime soon . I'll try to 30 see from there . It has helped me greatly . Once i got rid of all the porn in my house ,deleted off my desk top , off my phone , told all my hookups no more life started to get better . Years ago just wasn't talked about unless a joke made . This really crippled me. Until just 3 months ago i thought no big deal , but it is a big deal . I don't want to be an old Fapper . If i could tell any young man , entering puberty ,teens even early twenties , please don't start this habit and hide it . Play sports , activities ,get a buddy/ bunk mate to help you stay clean . Talk to God . Help others . You know your weakness change thoughts quick . Use your devices for work only , not when your board , go to bed tired and sleep ,wake up get at it again for a new day .
Galatians 5:16 "by walking in spirit you carryout no fleshly desires" , self control is the issue if you read down a little further . Day 21 coming soon
The desire to masturbate is so great for me ,especially in the waking hours . I been having this fantacy to want to host a group of guys to masturbate together some evening to discover and interview and engage . I can't purge it . Should I follow through? If I make it to 30 days ? During this session I would have no porn just talking it out . Any thoughts ?BTW it's day 21
Hi Seadoo54, I read through a portion of your journal. Good to see that you are up there in your 20 plus days of a reboot. It appears you are concentrating on the positive things that are keeping you clean and sober. Keep it going and let us know what is happening in your life. I am there with you on my reboot as well.
My recommendation is to keep it as a fantasy and don't act on it. What would you expect to get out of the session? Could there possibly anything be positive that would come out of it? Stick to learning from the guys on this website. We share your struggles.
