I’ve been having issues with pornography and masturbation for the past fifteen years starting when I was in high school. What once began as a curiosity and a way to feel good has developed into an addiction, which has been very difficult to stop. I didn’t realize I had a problem until last year. While away for a work trip I ended up cheating on my girlfriend with an escort. I remember always telling myself that I would never cheat on a girl. But on that day the sexual urges hit me hard and really clouded my moral compass. After that act, my moral compass resurfaced and an intense guilt hit me so hard that I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror. Later on that night I emailed my girlfriend and told her what happened. From there the relationship ended and I hit rock bottom on a spiritual and emotional level. I had to talk to someone to regain my sanity so the next day I went to confession and told the priest everything that happened and my problems with pornography. A great feeling of shame filled every pore of my body. That experience was a transition from my old self who was living a lie to my new self who finally embraced the idea that I had a serious problem that needed to be fixed. Fast forward to 2015, I feel like I am slowly making changes in my lifestyle that is helping me to live a more balanced life. I’ve become better about not using porn for a means to battle boredom by engaging myself with friends and going out and keeping myself productive and busy. But whenever I get emotionally involved with something that doesn’t go my way or in a situation where I feel lots of stress, I usually use porn and masturbation to relieve the pain and to numb myself. The most I’ve gone without PMO’ing and that includes no edging was ten days earlier this year. In those days I could feel a major change in my mind and my emotional well being. I felt more at peace with myself and wanted to go out and do things instead of staying in the house and looking at porn. However, in the back of my mind I knew I couldn’t trust my brain. I ended up relapsing after feeling emotionally agitated. So here I am trying to make the next step to overcome this stupid addiction that has caused me more harm than good. I’m hoping to learn more about this addiction and to read and share stories with other people in this community who are going or have gone through the same thing that I’m suffering from. Thank you all!
Wow i really liked your story. It feels like your post should have been in the 'Success Stories' forum! Anyway all the best, man. Remember we're all here to support you. I'll suggest a few things. 1) Start writing a daily journal to record your progress and whatever you felt during the day. You can also use to vent out your thoughts and give yourself some motivation. 2) Get yourself your own PMO counter which will show you how many days you have completed without PMO. It is very very encouraging and looking at your progress bar will help you move forward with more strength. 3) Start taking cold showers everyday. Atleast once in the morning. One in the evening is also very helpful. It will cool down your brain, invigorate your nerves, give you an instant boost and increase your will-power. Basically you will feel like a hero. 4) Do some regular physical exercise. You do have to join a gym if you dont have time. You can do some pushups or jogging or anything. The excess sexual energy that you're not using must go somewhere. So physical exertion is good. But take care to not exhaust yourself completely. Stay moderate. 5) Meditation. Try to do a simple 5-10 meditation everyday. Its nothing - just sit, focus on your incoming and outgoing breath and enjoy the peace that comes from it. This is the easiest form of meditation. 6) Chalk out your Goals and Dreams of your life and start making visible changes in order to reach them. NoFap will give you tremendous will-power which you can then use to achieve your goals and dreams! Its very effective. 7) Visit some forums here and give others support when they need it. When you help others, you actually give yourself help and inspiration too. Find an AP if you can. It may be helpful. 8) Know that your thoughts make your actions, and subsequently your actions make your habits. Your habits make your character, and your character decides your destiny. Therefore control your thoughts. Never allow sexual thoughts to come in. Always watch your mind. If these sexual thoughts come, dont dwell on them, immediately throw them out - AND - Replace them with a higher, positive thought. This is absolutely vital for success. You cannot carry on PMO'ing mentally and expect a physical change to happen, because you only do what you think in your mind. So stop entirely all thoughts of sex, fantasies and such things. 9) When you're outside or wherever, dont let your eyes wander to the bodies of women. We have been accustomed to do that. But only if we make a conscious effort, it can be changed. If you find yourself looking at a woman's body, immediately avert your eyes or close them. And tell yourself that you made the right choice to achieve your final goal. And repeat to yourself your higher, positive thought. Otherwise any sexual image your eyes see, will trigger those bad impulses in your subconscious mind and force you back to your bad habit again. These triggers will be around you everywhere. Newspapers, magazines, on the road as beautiful women in revealing clothes, on huge ad-boards, facebook, instagram etc. So be careful. I think these three rules are called : Avert, Assert and Affirm, which i said earlier. Develop good habits such as contentment at whatever life offers you, gratitude for all the good things you have in your life, a positive, happy and hopeful attitude towards everything. Dont let yourself be caught in negative thinking. Do not gossip or blame others. Mainly, develop immense strength of mind. Believe in your strength within. Know that every pore of your body is filled with strength and with this strength and confidence, go face this challenge and come out victorious. "Arise! Awake! And Stop Not, until the goal is reached! Strength is life! Weakness is death! All the strength and succour you want is within yourself. You are not sheep, you are lions! Stand up, be bold and take the entire responsibility on your own shoulder and know that you are the creator of your own destiny! Be a hero! Say 'I am Fearless!'. There is nothing you cannot do." - Swami Vivekananda If you already know all this and are practicing it, then im really sorry for rambling on. Just pass this information on to others who need it then. But if this is new to you, then all the best, man! May you succeed in this venture. Take care Stay strong, Seeker19
Thank you so much Seeker19 for the great advice! I've already been doing some of the things you suggested but the hard part for me now is the consistency and sticking to the plan day on out. I really appreciate all of your suggestions and help!
