Back in September of 2022, my relationship of 3 years ended with my ex-girlfriend after she broke up with me. At the time, I used that as an opportunity to have a reset and work to finally rid myself of the PMO demon that had possessed me for the longest. Which so far has been a success. The past month though, the memories of the relationship with my ex resurfaced, and it has reached a point where I can honestly say I am haunted by her. The feeling of guilt, not addressing the issues and red flags sooner, in addition to allowing myself to be consumed by PMO during the time I was with her. I know it is the past now, and nothing can be done to change it, but the flashbacks and memories truly haunt me and I feel like a piece of crap. In the past I would have numbed the feelings of guilt through PMO, but now that I have abstained from it for this long, the guilt and haunting is truly vivid. To put it this way, I feel like it is staring right at me when I look at myself in the mirror. Just the other day, I was scrolling on my phone through my photo archives that have been backed up on Google, and I came across a very sombre photo of my ex. At that point I immediately had to shut the phone off as the flashbacks resurfaced of all my flaws that destroyed the relationship. Any pointers on how to give myself spiritual closure and not feel guilty and haunted anymore?
I doubt it was ALL your fault that the relationship ended. You can probably imagine that, even if both parties try their hardest, relationships often don't work out. You mention that you were consumed by PMO during the relationship. Did you know how bad PMO can be? Pretty much all of us here got addicted to P and similar things without realising how much damage they can do. It's not like a pack of cigarettes which give you various health warnings right there on the packaging. Even with the right mindset, getting through breakups is tough. You can speed up the process by not looking at any photos of her and just distracting yourself with other things. Maybe go for long walks, do hobbies and so on.
I do go for long walks, runs, long distance bike rides during my free time. One of the biggest examples of her haunting me is me having dreams about her during sleep, often times unpleasant nightmares. When I wake up from it, I feel so startled, and guilty. It is not only impacting me as well. My mom, last night, she actually had a bad dream where my ex was coming at her scorned aggressively. She has the same recurring dream several times over the past few months. I don't know if a curse was put on me after the breakup, I just don't want to continue feeling haunted by the aftermath of it.
