Hello, I accidentaly found a buch of videos on my boyfriends laptop recently. I was very shocked and angry at the same time. I still haven't talked to him about that. I still dont want to embarras him. Do you have any suggestion how I should handle it? Maybe I should forget about it. Maybe it was an accident. I am 21 and we are together for approximately 1 year.
Does it bother you? Why does it bother you? What would your expect your boyfriend to do in those situations? Is it a dealbreaker for you? Explain those to your boyfriend. Don’t get caught in the details of “is it an accident?” Or a “one-time thing”. Or any explanations. Be firm and honest about what is important to you.
You can’t unsee what you’ve seen. If you don’t talk about it, it will haunt you. That said … you’re doing the right thing by pausing and seeking advice before proceeding. Take time to think it through, but seriously consider having a conversation with him about it and explaining why it is so upsetting to you.
If he is struggling with it, then asking him about it will truly help him. He will feel shame, especially if it hurts you, but it will make him accountable. If he is okay with it & you are not, that will also tell you something. The day my wife found out was the best day of my journey because now she knows & I gave her permission to snoop on me at will. The thought of hurting her again, even though she was very caring & understanding gives me my drive. She understands addiction because she is a 10 year recovering prescription pill addict & she had a rough beginning with many relapses.
